Thoughts About Being Bisexual.

[Pencil]

And it begs the question:How would you really feel if he says he's attracted to men?

 

[Pencil]

I wouldn't be surprised if you feel asexual after all of this:p.

 

[The Albatross]

Heh, funny. That would be me. Healthy sexuality and the ability to give and receive pleasure is a wonderful thing. Maybe I can get there again one day. But, I will say asexuality/celibacy has it's benefits too.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Also, how are you able to say how it will make you feel, if you haven't done it yet?

I know I am just like a young male teenager would know he likes females even though he has never had sex before.

I think that explains it...

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think cheating, looking at and lust aside, ( which I am doing none of those things) I think what is being overlooked is how basic your sexuality is. Which may be taken for granted by those people who are heterosexual and never questioned it.

I probably should talk to my therapist more in depth. I think everyone here has great feedback but I don't feel I am able to explain what I am trying to get across. The topic seems to be drawing some negatively, such as: I will cheat on him or why explore if I don't want to act on these feelings?

I don't understand the negatively perhaps because there is no malice on my part.

I started this thread becasue I wanted insight into my husband's reaction and the feedback I got on how he feels is very helpful and I learned things I did not know. However now I am feeling guilty and worried about what my own sexuality could do to us. I am starting to feel it is my fault and I should just ignore it.

But not understanding it, I would then be ignoring it and how can that be healthy?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I'll be assertive enough right now to say that please don't question me if I am sure I am bisexual or now. That's crossing a personal boundary.

But thinking about it, I am probably rushing Husband. My therapist and I don't usually talk about it because we both know I wont act on it or feel like I need to act on it but the current direction of the thread worries me because it is making me feel like I am terrible for thinking about it. That I should be just pushing it under a rug and forgetting about it.

Rushing Husband-The poor guy...I probably am. :( I should have been more considerate. In the past he has felt the same way, 'why talk about it?' Again, I don't think that's healthy. Maybe I should be bringing it up in stages.

I need to know more myself about the subject so I know where to start when talking to him. The feedback here is helping a lot. :)

 

[Pencil]

Ayesha, I'm sorry that the responses made you feel under pressure, or something that makes you uncomfortable.

I guess what I was trying to say, and I think others as well, is that you are not sure where your exploration is going to take you. How could you know? Nobody knows.

But your husband doesn't know either.

Once again, I'm not saying you are wrong. But you have to allow him to feel whatever he it is he is feeling. He can't explore it with you, and in the process you are inevitably leaving him behind. And once again - he doesn't know where you are going. You are doing this without a map. Life IS this uncertain, however.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

There is no easy answer.

 

[Hashi]

Ayesha,

I think you may have misread or misunderstood what I wrote.

Firstly, I did not question whether/how you know you are bisexual.

When I asked how you could know how you would feel, that was nothing to do with knowing you are bisexual. It was in direct response to your comment that I quoted immediately above, that understanding your sexuality would make you feel more comfortable.

Secondly, I am not certain if you mean/partly mean what I wrote when you said:

The topic seems to be drawing some negatively, such as: I will cheat on him or why explore if I don't want to act on these feelings?

If you did mean my post, I'd like to point out that I didn't ask "why explore if you don't want to act on these feelings?". I was saying I would find it hard to understand that unless you could explain it more specifically in a way I could relate to. For example, I said:

Do you think you've been able to convey clearly to your husband what this means to you, not just say what it doesn't mean?...

I am quite open to understanding your reasons, but I wouldn't be able to understand them unless you could go into that with me in a way I could relate to...

To be clear, I don't think it likely that you would act on your attraction to anyone else, or cheat on your husband. I didn't say I thought it was likely. I related your sexuality to your identity (and not to sexual activity outside your marriage). My point was that unless you can explain what it would mean to you to have a deeper understanding of yourself in relation to this, it will probably be hard for someone to understand that. The focus of my whole post was that I think what's needed is more explaining, not reassurances, assumptions or predictions.

I think what is being overlooked is how basic your sexuality is. Which may be taken for granted by those people who are heterosexual and never questioned it.

That was my point.

I accept that you might not have found my post helpful. I am upset if you think I questioned your sexuality. I didn't. If you thought what I said wasn't clear, I wish you had asked for clarification or ignored it.

 

[Core]

Yes... and he's in a relationship with a woman so he can fulfil his attraction to women without needing to cheat.

I see your point, I just think it's generally normal for people in long term committed relationships to occasionally be attracted to someone outside the relationship, no matter how uncomfortable the partner may be with this. If my completely fictional partner was straight and was attracted to another woman, I could never be her. If he's a decent guy and in a relationship, then he loves me and wants to be with me either way - so he stays faithful. Just like if I'm attracted to an outsider, guy or girl, I still wouldn't act on it, because I'm not a person who cheats. It may still not be comparable at all for you, but for me it's the same. :) (I know lots of people aren't attracted to others while in a relationship, me included, but it seems like a very regular thing.)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hashi,

I deeply apologize. When I read this:

Also, how are you able to say how it will make you feel, if you haven't done it yet?

I really did think you were questioning how could I know if I did have never slept with a woman. I didn't realize you meant the quote above it.

I am upset if you think I questioned your sexuality.

I am very sorry I upset you. You are completely right that I should have asked for clarification. I completely misunderstood what you wrote, took it the wrong way and said something without the facts.

It is true- we don't have a crystal ball and it gets more complex without seeing the other persons facial expressions. I should have asked.

Forgive me? :)

Ayesha

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I accept that you might not have found my post helpful.

I found it very helpful Hashi. :) I am thinking about how to responded because you made a lot of good points.