I Just Ended The Relationship With My Father

[ms spock]

Go forth She Who Lives and be and do as you want to and are able to enjoy!

I so relate to the father educational abuse. Manifested differently but same horribleness.

Reward your self each day with good and positive and reassuring self talk on the stand you are taking about getting your father out of your life!

You are brave and true,

Don't forget to remind yourself about that - write it up and stick it on the fridge or something.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It's been a year since I have even thought of my father. Today I am. Today I am thinking about him...

I sort of miss him. I wish I could ask how that side of my family is doing and find out how my half sibling are. I sort of wish I could tell him: " I am fine." That's it. Nothing else.

I don't know what else to think. My brain is sort of stuck at that thought, neither moving it forward or leaving it.

I need a few days to think...

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I just want to say Hi and asked how the kids are. Nothing else. I don't think I can go beyond that. Uncomfortable with sharing more.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

:wtf: What is wrong with me?!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Now realized how stupid and probably selfish it would be of me to say anything to him. I broke off the relationship with good reasons. It was my choice, and bring myself back into his life, would probably be wrong.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am really proud of you for taking such a strong stand on your own behalf. It is bittersweet, and the emails do not help you.

It took alot of bravery, resolve, inner strength, and courage and alot of common sense. I hope for your continued healing as you get used to the new boundry you set down on your father. Great big cyber hugs.

 

[ms spock]

It is not easy Ayesha. The instinct or the training for family and belonging is very strong. It is not unusual without contact and the issues that made you break contact being in your face, that you think about it would be nice if you had a contact call. This is normal stuff. Hopefully it will fade away.

Be kind to your self and your longings for some type of contact and family connection. There is nothing wrong with you - you are just being human.

It might not be helpful to bring your self back in to his life or your father back in to your life. I can't say if it is the thing for you to do because I am not you and don't know all about your situation. I know for me that there was no possibility of getting the disassociation under control until I cut my family out of my life. It has been 7 years since I cut my last sister out of my life and finally I am really getting on top of the disassociation. But my family was pretty cruel and unusual. If this is not helpful please ignore it.

You made a good decision to cut your father out of your life. This doesn't mean that from time to time you don't want a father - I think that is path of the course.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Thanks. Your post is very helpful.:)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Spent the thinking about all that he did. Came to the conclusion that I don't want him in my life.

I might:

1) Be a bit lonely.
2) still craving the father-daughter relationship
3) some how thinking he might treat me different.

After I thought about that I felt better. Happy that I figured it all out again. Happy that I am still putting me and my own family (H and cat) first.

 

[ms spock]

It is hard when the magical thinking takes hold and you think if you go back it could be better now. It is good to think these things through rationally and without disordered thinking.

It is important to acknowledge the longing, loneliness and cravings for a father-daughter relationship otherwise you can act out unhelpfully for yourself.

You are doing well. This is not easy stuff IMHO.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It has now been 2 years exactly 4 days ago. I almost never think about him. I did the right thing.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I hope you find the peace I did

I am and I have. :)