I Just Ended The Relationship With My Father

[Nicolette]

Definitely a dilemma - he may have got a shock and wants to say sorry or he may just twist it back around to you.

Is there someone else who can read it for you and tell you it's good news otherwise delete?

 

[Smorck5]

Good for you! I ended the relationship with my brother years ago and I have never regretted it! I wish I had the courage that you have to end my relationship with my mother, but I have not been able to.

Good luck I hope you find peace.
~S~

 

[Heather]

God, I feel stupid. I shouldn't care what it says, I should just delete it.

I give you major props for going through this.....I'd probably feel the exact same way if it were me going through this.

Hang in there.

Hugs. Heather

 

[Tinyflame]

Ayesha, the gift of having a healthy father is a great one indeed, but it sounds like you have recognized what is not healthy for you and taken the steps you have. I have had to do the same in other relationships.

Over time you will find that you will be open to reading it (or having any other correspondence or lack of) as you wish, because whether it is a healthy response from him, or an apology, or if it blames you- none of it matters as that is why you required the distance in the first place. Emotional, as well as physical.

Because all of us frequently need (at best) much time to take responsibilty for our actions, whether he does (or never does) is moot, for you. You are trying to build your life with healthy relationships, I understand that.

Hugs, to you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Well I read the email. Very short like mine.
He says thanks for getting back in communication with him. He wishes me well. Then says the neither him nor my stepmother have any idea what I was trying to say. I laughed when I read that. Then he wrote in (), that it sounds like something my mother would have said and he didn't understand her either.
He then says he hopes I get better and when I am ready, he will be willing to have a relationship with me.

Things I got from this...The help part is something I said to him..hes trying to threw it back at me. And he is brushing everything off I said becasue its just something my mother told me to say. ( she didn't)

None of this hurt. I am fine, weight is off my shoulders. I did my part, I was grow up enough to say what I was feeling and show him one last respect of telling him its over. I did my part, nothing more needs to be done.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Good for you, (((((Ayesha))))

The cultural norm of 'well, you SHOULD [forgive/minimize/forget/dismiss/work harder/honor by putting up with it despite the harm/just accept] (insert chronically hurtful unrepentent family member here) just 'because s/he's family!' just creates and perpetuates an intergenerational curse, IMHO.

It doesn't matter why the toxic people in our lives are toxic...that they are is a call to our psyches to end the harm, however that gets accomplished. If someone is willing to work on their half of the bridge, so be it, but if they won't even acknowledge that it needs to be done, why waste all our energy on it?

I try to imagine how much better off the next generation would be if we kept them safe from being abused....and walked away and were supported in that chioce rather than being judged by society for it.

 

[Spero3]

Ayesha,

This is huge. I am sure your feelings are all over the place, but you have done a great thing. You are taking care of, and protecting, yourself. Way to go.

Spero

 

[freakofnurture]

He wishes me well. Then says the neither him nor my stepmother have any idea what I was trying to say.(...)
He then says he hopes I get better and when I am ready, he will be willing to have a relationship with me.

This is exactly how my p*rents reacted when I broke off contact with them.

None of this hurt. (...) I did my part, nothing more needs to be done.

I'm happy for you, that you can say this and feel this. It shows a lot of strength.

 

[Ron]

Wow, that was powerful. You are making a stand. You have had enough. I admire that.

 

[KP the nut]

Well done on reading his email. IMHO if you hadn't it would have knawed away at you. Now you know and can deal with it.

Now hopefully you can bring positive people into your life.

Sending healing thoughts
KP

 

[Heather]

((((Ayesha))))

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My stepmother emailed me just now, with a subject line of "note"...I haven't opened this yet. I thought this was done.

Did I have to spell it out to them? Send an email saying "Leave Me The f*ck Alone!" ??