Supporter Wife Of Ex Vet, He Is Blaming Me For Everything. Glad I Found This Forum

[byasliver]

Thanks everyone for the welcome and the advice. One note of clarification: I didn't notice any symptoms truly until the last year or so but once I started reading about PTSD and other conditions, I could look back and see that symptoms were present long before he went to combat.

He is being "good" this week. I.e. when he does interact with me or the kids, he is pleasant. He still isolates himself A LOT but his T and my T told me to let that be for now. As for me, I'm burying myself in a project I tried to get going a few months ago but it fell through: opening my own business. Might sound crazy with the timing but it is something I know I can succeed at (did before on a smaller scale) and if it goes through this time, it will give me some fulfillment and financial security I really need. Just working on pulling it all together is giving me something positive to focus on and that is helping tremendously.

The rest of this week is very busy with H going to be out of the house all day tomorrow (yay-peace!) then I am going to join my daughter's class on an all day field trip Friday. Saturday my oldest daughter is going to her first prom! Looking forward to the next few days of happy events!

 

[byasliver]

Weeeelll, so much for things going well. He has gotten some job prospects but each has a catch: the ones closer to home are significantly lower pay but the ones further would mean he would have to maintain a second home. He asked my opinion I tried to tell him as much as I could without getting into specific personal issues I have with the jobs further away: namely, I can't trust him here so how could I trust him there and I'm not willing to move with our marriage so shaky right now. He said, "sounds like that's a personal problem, to me." When I nicely & calmly tried to say that I didn't develop my lack of trust in him for no reason, he got really mad. Basically after that I got a lecture about how he is TRYING to communicate with me but he can't. The way he said it was basically blaming me. He did stop the conversation there but he's making it pretty obvious that he's ticked off.

Icing on the cake? Now two of my daughters are talking about moving to their dad's house (I have three daughters from my previous marriage and we have one son together) this summer. My H makes it clear that he'd be all too happy to see them go but says he doesn't. When I told him, though, his response was to smile and say, "Okay, great!" Really not a good night :(

I am standing my ground, though and I'm not willing to just let things slide anymore. I will NOT move and if he takes the out of town job it will not help my lack of trust in him. Those are facts. He will have to make his own decisions based on that.

 

[Deleted member 19035]

Hello and welcome. I hope you find strength and support here. Take care.

 

[Eleanor]

I am standing my ground, though and I'm not willing to just let things slide anymore. I will NOT move and if he takes the out of town job it will not help my lack of trust in him. Those are facts. He will have to make his own decisions based on that.

It is so important to maintain your own life and to set healthy boundaries - both for yourself (and your kids) and for him. Dealing with PTSD is HARD and he is clearly reluctant/resistant to doing so. He won't unless he has a reason to, and he won't have a reason unless you stand firm and are clear about what you will and won't tolerate and do.

Why do your girls want to go to their Dad's? Is that a normal thing for them? Do they just miss their dad? Or are they trying to get away from the tension in the house? Sounds like things in your house are pretty unsettled all the way around.:(

 

[I Can Do This]

Maybe if he got a job out of town it would be a great transition for your relationship. It will either be the end of you two or make him realize what he is missing. Either way, it could really be a good thing. If it is the end it won't be dramatic, it will be slow and less hurtful. With the pressure you have been living with - I would jump at that opportunity for peace and quiet that helps you sort out what you really want.

My best to you!