How To Decide When To Take Occasional Medication (diazepam)

[Hashi]

My doctor has given me a tiny supply of diazepam to take one when I really need to. Here in the UK doctors tend to be against prescribing it because of the addictiveness, and my doc has only given me these because I'm really struggling plus have several major life stressors and have to put therapy on hold for a time. We did this once before, and it helped me.

I took one today because for days I've had such bad suicidal ideation and crying (which makes it impossible to do anything else, which creates more difficulties). It's a huge relief not to feel so bad for a while.

I was given 7 but can manage by taking only half a tablet so that's 14 doses and now I've got 13 left. This has to last me the next 6 months. I don't know how to decide when to take one. I could have really done with taking one yesterday, but if I'm going to feel bad on a lot of days I suppose it's better to space them out. Last time I took most of them early on, but I expected my situation to improve more quickly then.

I wondered how other people decide whether to take medicine that they take only occasionally. How do you decide things are bad enough to take it?

(Please don't suggest I try any other medications - I know this is the best way for me, just trying to work out how to approach it.)

 

[ashdawn8287]

What classification of drugs does diazepam fall under? I am unaware of this medication.

Do whatever you think is best for you Hashi. If that means taking one of those pills just to feel an ounce better and to stop yourself from suicide ideation I say go for it.

I think you should take it when you start suicidal ideation and push through the other bad days as best as you can, because that's all any of us can really do.

 

[Powder]

Hashi,

I wish I could offer more support than this reply. I hear you. Like you, I would try everything else before anything addicting, or any pill or drug.

At this time, your emotions are speaking loudly, but it's important to take time to listen to your body and to love and care for it. Like you, when the emotions I've been holding in break free, I forget about my body. This keeps me stuck in overload.

Prior to the emotional dam breaking, the body was telling me that stress was damaging it. I take Ativan daily now, mostly because if I do not (and I have quit and can emotionally handle that) my esophageal spasms destroy my quality of life. Ativan is a muscle relaxer. After living with complex PTSD my whole life, (I am 35) my body has started to give out. I lost 40 pounds in a few months due to not being able to eat. I was in constant pain. I missed work weekly, and my sense of myself changed dramatically. I sought counseling for the physical problems, as I had read online that counseling helped people with this incurable physical condition.

Turns out, my PTSD body has told me many times it can't handle what I throw at it. I work two jobs and support my whole family. I can't stop now. But I have had every illness that adult immune systems are supposed to prevent (Mono, HIB, strep infections, etc.) My sister and I have such poor immune systems that she even tests for HIV in disbelief PTSD can do this.

I found plenty of APA research from 2010 and earlier in which a compromised epigentic and immune functioning is a proven symptom of PTSD in the body.

My thoughts are that we cannot forget that PTSD is in the body, which speaks to us in many ways. Even though our cells completely self-replicate every 8 months or so when we are in our 20s, we self-replicate PTSD, which does not fade out. It stays alive in our cell memory. Even though our soul or mind is progressing in its lessons in life's journey, our body tries to just self-replicate the same damaged self. Perhaps it is our mind's wish to "move on" and our body's wish to "remember" that are in conflict. We are at war inside; things fall apart.

Mindfulness therapy is I think something you have done. Research says this mainly helps those who's PTSD is dealing with Avoidance.

If emotional/somatic pain is still at the core of the PTSD trauma, then changing the body's makeup, environment, and patterns may be helpful? I am curious about this. Changing the diet and increasing sunlight and outdoor aerobic activity may be helpful. Are you also just at the end of winter? This is a difficult time for bodies that have survived another winter.

In answer to your question, my body decided for me that it was time to allow daily medication. I am willing to go without it, but my body will not. I hope that answers your question, and I hope that you find relief and a path that is more peaceful and supportive for you at this time of pain.

I am also having this when triggered by contact from my abusive family. I don't see my choice to avoid them as "Avoidant" as every therapist advised me to avoid them completely as the plague. Some things are exposure therapy and others are just unnecessarily painful. Don't push yourself too hard.

I am in awe of your strength and determination whether you take medication or not.

 

[Powder]

Click here

Hashi, I want to share this and see if you see yourself in the 12 traits of the survivor. See all your strengths. You have made it this far. Don't ever give up. See who you truly are in these slides, an asset to this world with these traits we all need. Hold that energy here; we need it here.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Hi Hashi - I have a similar prescription for Ativan and like you I sometimes struggle with when its a good time to take it. I don't think its controlled as tightly in the UK though because I have a lot of it available to me. So my struggle on to take or not take it revolves more around me fearing dependency. I have about 60 tabs right now and I also bite my in half as the full tab normally knocks me out and puts me right to sleep.

I normally end up taking mine when I've gone for a period of days with little to no sleep, or I've had a number of days where I feel extremely agitated and unable to wind down. Its when I reach my own internal breaking point of not being able to physically manage the fatigue, anxiety or intrusive thoughts.

I took one today because for days I've had such bad suicidal ideation and crying (which makes it impossible to do anything else, which creates more difficulties). It's a huge relief not to feel so bad for a while.

I think this is really important. You deserve to have a break from trying to deal with things. I'm so glad that your able to feel a bit better.

 

[Only 1 of me]

Hi hashi,
firstly to say that I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope things start to turn around for you soon.
Do you have a trusted friend / partner who might hold meds for you? You could then have a discussion with them around when you will need them and take away the pressure so you can have some help to decide.

If you are in the UK, you could see your gp and explain the situation. They might be willing to give you another short term prescription if and when this runs low. I had some lorazepam for emergencies which I didn't take, because I didn't know what constituted an emergency- i Ended up re admitted to hospital after my friends took action in a crisis.

Be kind to yourself and ask for the support you need, most people want to help but don't know how to or what is needed.

 

[TLight]

I take .5 mg klonopin almost daily, sometimes twice a day. I have a running prescrip and it is the only thing that truly helps me have a somewhat bareable life.

I refused it for a long time. But now, like the other poster, my body is breaking down due to the stress. For me it's a Godsend.

Try to get more if you feel inclined. Be completely honest with docs about your symptoms. I have CPTSD and I've gone on now for 35 years since a nervous breakdown. My symptoms are severe and at times, unrelenting. My understanding is that .5 mg daily is a very low dose. I have a friend who is bipolar who takes 3 mg daily and has been for years.

Comes down to quality of life. Talk with our docs. For me, in the throes of the worst symptoms, mindfulness and all that stuff doesn't work, my chemical brain is firing way to quickly and I'm in complete distress. Yes, I work with these tools, try them to calm my body and when all else fails, I take one. Plus sleep. We desparately need to sleep.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Hashi,

It seems you are concerned about running out and unsure about how to decide what is severe enough to warrant taking some of your tablets - leaving you with less of safety blanket.

For me I would think of what I needed to stay safe in the present and deal with the future when it comes.

For me repeated serious suicial ideation and knowing I had tried all my coping skills and applied myself and still found myself in a bad place would bothe be criteria I would consider.

In truth though I would probably struggle to justify taking them as I would possibly get stuck trying to decide what was bad enough.

I am sorry things are so bad. Would some basic NHS talk therapy makes things worse or could it be of some help?

 

[just me here]

I would like to stress the importance of avoiding dependency at all costs, including bearing some bad days. As soon as you start wishing you had a bigger supply of something you know is addictive, take a long look at the reality of being addicted to a drug that you cannot get.

Kicking addictions suck, and even after getting myself clean of everything from tobacco to opiates (vicadin) I am struggling right now to drop Klonopin after a 5 year prescription, 20 mil a day. It sucks as much as getting past any other addiction, I am not getting any better at this.

I am learning that I don't want to develop any more dependencies, not in this life. I offer up my best advice- be totally aware of any growing desire for the drug and be 100% true to yourself and your prescriber. The alternative is not any fun at all.

By the way, I am halfway through the withdrawals if I am anything like my prescribers other patients that have been down this road. ....Yeah!.....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm down to 1/2 a tab of Ativan. Once I got down to 1 tab, I told myself I was saving it for the Armageddon. Lol. As if....but the mental game helped me conserve it. Last night was rough so I had to take some.

I urge you to work on your other coping skills first. Don't just turn to the pills unless you KNOW it's going to be bad. (We all have those times when we can tell right away it's getting really bad.)

I think we can get benzos like candy here in the US, but the UK is just the opposite. We need a happy medium!

 

[Don't trip]

Hashi,

I feel very sad when I hear that doctor's will not prescribe for fear of addictiveness. This implies so many things, but more importantly, it doesn't give you the opportunity to engage in a regulated prescription to see if whether or not that would indeed be the case. I see a lot of under treated people because of an irrational fear not based in any reality when it has not been proven that the person requesting the prescription is, in fact, an addict.

People are automatically assumed to be, or judged to be when physically dependent on medication, forgetting that doctors have no problem over medicating with antidepressants, anticonvulsants and other psyche medications, which also cause physical dependence and withdrawal, sometimes very dangerous and even deadly.

Sorry for the rant, but this one really peeves me.

I won't bother to suggest you try something else since this works best for you. I know you shared that docs there don't like to prescribe meds and that are potentially addictive *gag*, but I'm wondering if perhaps it may be in your best interest, given that this medication works for you, if you could do some more digging and find a physician who will listen and prescribe as needed for you? I just hate to think that this is not an option for you.

I take lorazepam and have for five years for sleep. I have also taken it when I've had severe anxiety attacks. I don't understand the supposed addictive quality of this med because while it's wonderful at calming me, it makes me sleepy too and I don't much care for that feeling with the exception of when it's time to go to sleep!

It's the same as I feel with my pain medication. I hate the tiredness and brain fog I have while taking it, but I also know that when I don't, I am bedridden. I like getting out of bed and hobbling to my garden in the morning on a beautiful day. Anti inflammatories are awesome, but I have taken them to the point of intestinal bleed, so unfortunately opiates are the alternative. In other words, it works for me. I don't care what others say about it. Not my issue, it's theirs.

I hope you can find someone who will prescribe you what you need to live comfortably and peacefully. :)

 

[therapybankrupt]

Hi Hashi! Be real careful not to drink alcohol or take to much of the diazepam. If I am not mistaken it is a benzo. Try taking a 1/4 or 1/2 of a pill. I had really bad reaction to drug. Very inhibiting for some people. I cut off all my hair and totally passed out afterwards with no recollection. Taking Two pills in a over 4 hour period. It was a bad day.

Not everyone is as sensitive to it as I am but take it slow and remember they are addictive! There is also strong evidence from trials that are now discouraging mental health professionals from prescribing benzo,s to people with PSTD.