Feel Chronically Unloved

[intrasearching]

Sometimes I will feel very emotional and feel guilty as though my feelings are shameful and when my partner can't give me the level of verbal support I feel I need, I feel rejected and like she doesn't really love me.

I get really angry but then when I deconstruct the anger I realize I just feel very scared that I am going to be abandoned or that I am undesirable to her because I can't help the fact that I am emotional. I feel like I want to cry a lot but nothing happens when I try. I feel like I should go for a walk... I need to get over this...

I am in therapy. I don't want to deal with this forever. Feeling gradually more hopeless as this continues to bombard me. A few days of less pain and then WHAM I am hit with all this...

I wish I felt loved.

 

[cat]

Hi intrasearching
I hear what you are saying about feeling unloved, I think its all part of our reaction to trauma. Did you feel this way before your trauma? it could be connected to your childhood. It would be worth raising these feelings with your T & sooner rather than later.

I grew up feeling unloved & being ashamed of it....... It took me a year of therapy to tell my T what I thought about myself - although she had already worked it out...the relief I felt at telling her was incredible & she has helped me to understand why I feel that way & given me strategies to cope with the feelings.

Good luck with therapy, your days of up & down are all part of the process, stay strong & you will get through this but remember it wont happening quickly. It takes tiny steps until we feel we can regain our inner strength & understanding of our truama & thinking.

 

[intrasearching]

Thank you, cat. It's true, it takes tiny steps and I know it's going to be a marathon journey.

Thankfully I do have more control over my episodes and they are happening less frequently. I was adopted and my adoptive mother was abusive, so I am currently trying to impress upon myself the fact that all the stuff that happened was long ago and I can move on and have a new life. I am guessing that letting go of the past is paramount in the healing process.

I will bring up these feelings with my therapist and see what strategies he may provide. Thank you for the kind words.

Best wishes to you.

 

[cherryblossom]

but then when I deconstruct the anger I realize I just feel very scared

I just wondered if you've been able to share your true feelings with your partner. It might help them to understand why you react in the way that you do.

It sounds like you are doing lots of tough work in therapy. It think it will help if you can involve your partner with your feelings / anger.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe your love languages are a mis-match?

I suggest reading up on the five love languages. It really helped me to understand that people express and feel love in different ways.

 

[WillyKat]

I hear you. I'm beyond doubt about being loved. She loves her cups and plates more than me. I know that sounds like an exaggeration but I don't think it is.

For me though, I'm not worried I'm being abandoned; I'd welcome it. Not sure I could handle it though.