Hi, first of all, thank you for those who have created and continue to support this forum. It is great to know that there is a place to turn to for help and support from those who truly know.
I have been with my husband for 4 years and married for 2 1/2. He is 100% disabled due to his PTSD. He was honest with me from the beginning about his combat-related PTSD and his past involving domestic violence. He seemed to have proven to me pretty early on that he was a different person after his jail time and his being sober. I should have waited a bit longer before saying "I do".
For the past 9 months or so, he has told me and my 16yr old daughter to leave 3 times. Every time he has apologized after he calms down and says he didn't mean it. The second time he threw us out, then changed his mind, I told him that he needed help and if he didn't get it, I was truly leaving. He agreed. Two months later he finally went to a therapist and decided to tell the therapist (and my daughter) that I was forcing him to get help and he doesn't think he needs it. He feels his anger issues are ONLY because of my daughter and the fact that I don't discipline her...or so he says. My daughter is a sophomore in high school. She's in honors classes and when not in school she is writing songs and playing piano. She's never been in trouble in or outside of school. Her flaw is that she is strong willed and when my husband berates her for something silly (like leaving a cup on the table), she feels the need to explain why she did it. He calls this "running her mouth" and goes into a rage. He has told her that he doesn't give a &(#$ about her and has often ignored her for days at a time. My husband claims I don't discipline her because he expects me to support him when he is yelling at her for something silly and petty. I can't support him if he is verbally and emotionally abusing her. (I firmly believe the punishment must fit the crime.) I don't say anything when this goes on. Then I find myself justifying her actions to him and his actions to her once the yelling as stopped.
My husband has an 11yr old son who lives with his mother. His son has gotten into some serious trouble at home and at school. A few times the police were involved. I have asked my husband repeatedly to focus his energy on helping his son instead of finding fault in my daughter. He refuses to believe there's anything he can do about his son because he doesn't have custody. My husband also has an 18yr old daughter who moved into our house last August. Since she has been in the house, my husband has shown significant favoritism towards her and continues to belittle my daughter and me in front of his daughter - like it's all a joke.
This past week, my husband told us to leave again and this time he said he wants a divorce. He says this because I "don't support him". Again, how do I support someone's discipline if I don't agree with it?? So, I found us a place to go and we are in the process of moving out. Of course, my husband has apologized and said he doesn't want us to go. Again I told him he needs help and if he doesn't see that himself, I'm certainly not going to convince him.
The anger and the rages over the most ridiculous issues are tearing me apart. I want to leave because of these issues..but when I stop and consider the good things about my husband, I'm torn. In the end, I know I need to protect my daughter and leave the abuse, but I'm truly struggling while he is acting like he's never been happier.
My husband hasn't worked in the 4 years we've been together - he collects disability. I have continued to work my full time job to help support the family (his daughter contributes nothing) Well, he has decided since we are leaving that he will now work for a friend of his full time and his daughter is picking up extra hours at work. Why after all of these years is he and she just doing this now??
I'm angry, heartbroken, and slighted. I feel like with the right help, my husband would be the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Am I making the right decision to move on??
I have been with my husband for 4 years and married for 2 1/2. He is 100% disabled due to his PTSD. He was honest with me from the beginning about his combat-related PTSD and his past involving domestic violence. He seemed to have proven to me pretty early on that he was a different person after his jail time and his being sober. I should have waited a bit longer before saying "I do".
For the past 9 months or so, he has told me and my 16yr old daughter to leave 3 times. Every time he has apologized after he calms down and says he didn't mean it. The second time he threw us out, then changed his mind, I told him that he needed help and if he didn't get it, I was truly leaving. He agreed. Two months later he finally went to a therapist and decided to tell the therapist (and my daughter) that I was forcing him to get help and he doesn't think he needs it. He feels his anger issues are ONLY because of my daughter and the fact that I don't discipline her...or so he says. My daughter is a sophomore in high school. She's in honors classes and when not in school she is writing songs and playing piano. She's never been in trouble in or outside of school. Her flaw is that she is strong willed and when my husband berates her for something silly (like leaving a cup on the table), she feels the need to explain why she did it. He calls this "running her mouth" and goes into a rage. He has told her that he doesn't give a &(#$ about her and has often ignored her for days at a time. My husband claims I don't discipline her because he expects me to support him when he is yelling at her for something silly and petty. I can't support him if he is verbally and emotionally abusing her. (I firmly believe the punishment must fit the crime.) I don't say anything when this goes on. Then I find myself justifying her actions to him and his actions to her once the yelling as stopped.
My husband has an 11yr old son who lives with his mother. His son has gotten into some serious trouble at home and at school. A few times the police were involved. I have asked my husband repeatedly to focus his energy on helping his son instead of finding fault in my daughter. He refuses to believe there's anything he can do about his son because he doesn't have custody. My husband also has an 18yr old daughter who moved into our house last August. Since she has been in the house, my husband has shown significant favoritism towards her and continues to belittle my daughter and me in front of his daughter - like it's all a joke.
This past week, my husband told us to leave again and this time he said he wants a divorce. He says this because I "don't support him". Again, how do I support someone's discipline if I don't agree with it?? So, I found us a place to go and we are in the process of moving out. Of course, my husband has apologized and said he doesn't want us to go. Again I told him he needs help and if he doesn't see that himself, I'm certainly not going to convince him.
The anger and the rages over the most ridiculous issues are tearing me apart. I want to leave because of these issues..but when I stop and consider the good things about my husband, I'm torn. In the end, I know I need to protect my daughter and leave the abuse, but I'm truly struggling while he is acting like he's never been happier.
My husband hasn't worked in the 4 years we've been together - he collects disability. I have continued to work my full time job to help support the family (his daughter contributes nothing) Well, he has decided since we are leaving that he will now work for a friend of his full time and his daughter is picking up extra hours at work. Why after all of these years is he and she just doing this now??
I'm angry, heartbroken, and slighted. I feel like with the right help, my husband would be the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Am I making the right decision to move on??
