No Off Switch For Ptsd!

[Sandstone]

I've just been surprised that I can't turn off my PTSD when I need to.

My husband injured his leg, and I had to take him to A&E. I was worried about him: he was worried about whether I could manage it I expected just to switch off and do what was needed, then react later, as I have all my life. Instead I was silent, withdrawn, couldn't work out where or how to to park, had to move chairs in the waiting room so no-one was behind me, startled at every door opening, got confused when giving our address and was generally a bit of a wreck. By the time we left I was unbelievably wound uo and anxious, and really struggled to drive home.

Now, two days later, I'm unfairly longing for him to go back to work, even though he is on crutches, because I want so much to be alone in silence.

It seems to me that if I expect to e able to switch it off at my convenience, perhaps I don't really believe this is a real condition.

 

[WillyKat]

No, there is no Off switch. We all wish, but it ain't gonna happen.

Second, PTSD is a real condition, and while there is never a good time, any stressful situation provides all sorts of triggers.

I'm having sort of the same issue. In the past, I could handle any stressful situation and have my "sessions" later. But now that I'm in therapy, I'm more aware of PTSD and all its symptoms. Somehow that makes it ever present, always on, affecting me "24/7" as they say. I have to fight to regain control, even today just sitting here working.

Wish I had some better response for you, but all I have to say is that I have some of the same experiences.

 

[Sandstone]

I don't think I was hoping for a solution. I'm just puzzled to find myself surprised, after having this pig of an illness for so long.

 

[franciemarnie]

In emergencies, I always went into the cool calm caretaker mode while all around me people were losing their heads. But those were the days I was 24/7 numb. The more aware I am now, the less numb - the more I respond and feel feelings like a "regular person", the more I have to contend with since when I feel feelings having PTSD, it's like sustaining an earthquake.

Though I do not like feeling hyper vigilant, etc., I understand what my brain is doing. The limbic region reacts to perceived threat to safety via my senses. It has always been in the driver's seat choosing my reactions. I liked thinking I was sort of superman, but I just have this condition.

But knowledge is power.

Doing mindfulness meditation especially, staying present in my body, having an awareness of what is happening inside has helped me more than I can say. PTSD may have programmed my brain long ago but there are ways to transcend it.

I am glad I am not numb anymore. I hated that. It was like 30 years of grey.

It's not that you are unkind in wanting your husband out of the house. It's just that you dearly need a break. I hope very much you can get time alone. It is healing and it sounds like you might be really exhausted.

 

[ms spock]

Can you work on building some skills like yoga, meditation, mindfulness, tai chi or exercise that helps you discharge or manage your PTSD?

 

[Sandstone]

it sounds like you might be really exhausted

Can you work on building some skills like yoga, meditation, mindfulness,

I'm currently chasing training in mindfulness. I've tried doing it alone from online training, but couldn't stick at it. I think part of that might be because I've used up all my resources. All the energy I used to put into holding stuff at bay and being able to turn off at will has gone and I don't seem to be able to tp gather it back up.

Several things have happened recently to make me realise that I'm more affected by this than I had thought. I think it is just the fact that almost all my time is down time that has kept me going. Which makes me wonder about my current plan not only to start with a new therapist but also to see what I can start doing with the local Mind to push myself a bit more

 

[czerkawski]

Accepting that I have PTSD is a fairly new concept to me, and a lot of the time I end up trying to live a "normal" life. This usually ends up with me getting all screwed up. Label aside, I am learning to accept that a lot of the time I am just in a lot of emotional and psychological pain. It's kinda counter intuitive but this way I find I don't beat myself up as much and it actually makes going through it a little easier. Accepting that I'm in pain is not something that has come overnight and it has come about by peeling of a few layers of denial. It's honestly ugly to accept that you can get that screwed up, but it is what it is. I do get messed up more than I'd like to believe but accepting that you are hurting makes a huge difference for me.

 

[WillyKat]

I don't think I was hoping for a solution. I'm just puzzled to find myself surprised, after having this pig of an illness for so long.

"Pig of an illness" No kidding! And it flies!

 

[GRANOLA]

I'm really interested in learning how to meditate. I some how have to learn how to slow myself down. I have done yoga and it was great. Right now I like workingout at the gym, it seems to give some peace with the breathing and lifting weights. It was brought to my attention a few weeks ago that the gym was ramping me up into hyperdrive. I would return home and couldn't stop doing things and I was extremely hyper.

Since then I do a moderate workout and try not to walk more than once a day. In the evening I have had lots of trouble decompressing and then I lay awake hoping for the Zopiclone to kick in and it doesn't.

I also think being better at mindfulness would help me. I've always been the task master, so I have a hard time slowing myself down.:tdown:

 

[Sandstone]

I still can't get to grips with meditating, but while watching a history documentary I had an idea. I noticed that I found a long scene of a old clock's work soothing. The steady swing of the pendulum and the gentle repetitive movement of the cogs slowed me down very effectively.

I've found an on-line metronome, and watching that run at its slowest pace seems to be calming. It only goes down to 40 beats per minute, which isn't as slow as I'd like, but if I start at 60 beats and gradually drop down it does work.

 

[GRANOLA]

Thanks stenni. I'll try the metronome idea.