How To Halt Escalation And Still Address Tasks

[Kintsugi]

Sorry this post is so long, but I stand by all the contextual information. Thanks for reading.

I've always had trouble with preventing the escalation of panicked thoughts while trying to address tasks in an anxious and depressed state, and my way of dealing with it is generally avoidance, unless I can still complete it and feel apathetic about any consequences, which is something I learned to do in college, but I find academics more comfortable to perform than any other function in life. Now I realize all the extracurricular things I had to do in college didn't get done not because I was just too busy but really because I just avoid them and can't seem to get into an apathetic "just go through the motions step-by-step" headspace.

Now I find myself within the crux of a situation where avoiding anything I should be doing any longer will have really terrible consequences that I can't afford to ignore. However, every time I think of something that needs to be accomplished, I get a half second into thinking about it and my mind flips into overdrive like a bad trip and goes down the rabbit hole of panic, articulating all the steps and the scary what-ifs in between, and I just rapidly spiral toward a total breakdown. Though I've apparently learned how to stop these thoughts from entering a fullblown nervous breakdown/panic attack since my highly episodic young teen years, that process is redirecting my attention quickly and totally ignoring my previous train of thought entirely, like slamming a door on it and locking it away.

But obviously this is a really bad coping skill because I still can't address the problem. If I go back to that "locked room" later and peep in, I see the swirling chaos and panic behind the door and lock it shut again.

I just read the spoon theory for the first time today, and while it makes a lot of sense, I feel like when I want to plan my daily spoons, I think about what I need to do and get so flustered I just drop them all and don't accomplish anything at all, except token productivity I find easy, like cleaning the house.

So I guess my question is, does anybody have any advice for how to prevent escalating into panic while still addressing the tasks they need to get done? In the past I've written down parts of tasks on different pieces of paper to pace myself, but presently even writing a list that way is too much for me to handle. I just want to be able to at least prioritize some tasks and set some goals, but I find it hard to focus without escalating, and every task reminds me of five other major tasks I should also be working on.

I'm rambling right now because I'm beginning to escalate! See? So frustrated.

Thanks in advance as always for your support and words.

 

[snappy_turtle]

I get like this when I spend far too much time away from my hourly planner. I space some extra time inbetween tasks in case I need more time and remind myself that it's just one step at a time; just one thing at a time.

Another thing I tried to do when I used to have multiple things I had to be working on at the same time and spending any single time on one task would make me panic about the others is that I would spend smaller portions of time working on one task, and keep all those tasks on rotation for smaller portions of time. For example, instead of saying I was going to spend half the day working on task A, I would divide my day up even more and say I'll spend an hour on task A, an hour on task B, an hour on task C and an hour on task D and then go grab lunch, then rinse and repeat. It was the best way to feel like I was making the most of my time, plus it also made the time I spent on each task all the more productive since it was fresh in my mind.

Hope that helps!

 

[Hashi]

My suggestion would be that if your reaction is this volatile, then what you need to focus on is the anxiety first and the tasks second. Are you doing any mindfulness, relaxation, meditation etc?

What helps me is to do a relaxation exercise before trying to do something. The easiest one for me is deep breathing for a minimum of 20 minutes, timed by the clock. I was given that advice by an anxiety helpline, and it always helps at least a little. During the 20 minutes, the anxiety might peak but if you stay with it it will go down after. That's why you need that length of time.

If you can't manage things with strategies like that, how do you feel about medication? I occasionally take a beta blocker or benzodiazepine if I have to do something and really can't. Not every day, though, not even as much as once a week. I find that when my anxiety has been unmanageable and things like the deep breathing can't help enough, taking medication then doing the deep breathing allows me to get into the space where the deep breathing can take effect and I keep with only the breathing the next day and on from there.

I'd also make a suggestion that you could relabel what's going on. This is my personal view, others might not agree, but it helps me. Even when what you're experiencing is classified medically as panic or whatever else, for the purposes of coping those labels can be counterproductive. They disempower you and can actually add to your anxiety. I try to describe to myself exactly what's happening. In my case, not "I'm too anxious" or "I'm going into panic" but "I'm feeling afraid and overwhelmed at the thought of doing X."

The next steps are things like saying, "I'll do it for 2 minutes even though I feel fear, which will probably be uncomfortable but it will be OK because it's only 2 minutes, and I'll notice how I feel when I do that." This isn't cognitive behavioural therapy, in the sense of forcing myself through it, but mindfulness - paying attention, acknowledging and accepting even difficult feelings. It gives me more power, more detachment (as in healthy, detached awareness) and helps me give it a different meaning.

The meaning I give it isn't "I need to get this task done, I have to make myself do it because there's a deadline" but a much bigger, more compassionate meaning that is, "I'm working to heal from anxiety. I know this is very difficult for me, but it's something I'm doing to help myself heal."

Finally, as I understand it the spoon theory is in relation to physical capability. I think psychological/emotional capability works differently. We can rewire our brains to stop going into anxiety, and we can do that through every action we do in the other direction, however small. My experience of this is that once you start and get past the first steps, it gets easier and the positive effect gets bigger.

 

[ms spock]

I've always had trouble with preventing the escalation of panicked thoughts while trying to address tasks in an anxious and depressed state, and my way of dealing with it is generally avoidance...

Now I find myself within the crux of a situation where avoiding anything I should be doing any longer will have really terrible consequences that I can't afford to ignore.

I just read the spoon theory for the first time today, and while it makes a lot of sense, I feel like when I want to plan my daily spoons, I think about what I need to do and get so flustered I just drop them all and don't accomplish anything at all, except token productivity I find easy, like cleaning the house.

I am so frozen I can't even clean my house and I can really relate to what you are writing about. Good luck in working it out I will be watching this thread.

 

[Kintsugi]

My suggestion would be that if your reaction is this volatile, then what you need to focus on is the anxiety first and the tasks second. Are you doing any mindfulness, relaxation, meditation etc?

This may sound odd, but the only thing that seems particularly effective is a sort of before sleep self hypnosis, which takes commitment and forethought but does work really well. Also consuming motivating media.

If you can't manage things with strategies like that, how do you feel about medication?

I am interested in seeking out a P for some as-needed anxiety medication long term, but I think I need to baseline improve before I can responsibly decide when I really am over the top. I smoke a lot. It really does help with many things and in many situations, but for specific types of productivity and problem-solving, it clearly falls short. Although I have found that a balanced diet improves my emotional stability, and I'm working on that and developing an organic appetite.

I'd also make a suggestion that you could relabel what's going on... I try to describe to myself exactly what's happening. In my case, not "I'm too anxious" or "I'm going into panic" but "I'm feeling afraid and overwhelmed at the thought of doing X."

The next steps are things like saying, "I'll do it for 2 minutes even though I feel fear, which will probably be uncomfortable but it will be OK because it's only 2 minutes, and I'll notice how I feel when I do this"...

The meaning I give it isn't "I need to get this task done, I have to make myself do it because there's a deadline" but a much bigger, more compassionate meaning that is, "I'm working to heal from anxiety. I know this is very difficult for me, but it's something I'm doing to help myself heal."

This is so fantastic I've obviously decided to highlight portions of it to show the awesome diction and syntax going on here and the messages it sends and perspective offered here are, to me, near revelatory. I've realized recently I have a real problem framing things negatively without realizing my thoughts have a negative origin. Anyway, thanks a bunch for this and nice composition.

I should add that I can be stupidly productive when immersed full time in work, and I ride a sort of manic adrenaline high that I can carry forward out of work as long as I don't stop and lose momentum. Like Dash from the Incredibles, it seems I can walk on water while under the knife, but as soon as I stand still I sink.

I've just come into an uncomfortably vast amount of free time and options, and the respite I've gained seems to have mostly served me by aggressively reminding me via increasing symptoms and seemingly spontaneous outbursts/intrusive thoughts and memories etc. that I have some serious self-work left very much undone. So in a twisted paradox, many of the things I need to accomplish to achieve structure and direction in my life are falling by the wayside as I try and quell my symptoms and figure out how to address these underlying obstacles, but if I could just achieve some of those goals, I would be in a better position to take a healthier approach to those issues. I don't know if that is really making sense or if I'm imagining that this is the case.

I've never been known here for my brevity.

 

[ms spock]

I'd also make a suggestion that you could relabel what's going on. This is my personal view, others might not agree, but it helps me. Even when what you're experiencing is classified medically as panic or whatever else, for the purposes of coping those labels can be counterproductive. They disempower you and can actually add to your anxiety. I try to describe to myself exactly what's happening. In my case, not "I'm too anxious" or "I'm going into panic" but "I'm feeling afraid and overwhelmed at the thought of doing X."

The next steps are things like saying, "I'll do it for 2 minutes even though I feel fear, which will probably be uncomfortable but it will be OK because it's only 2 minutes, and I'll notice how I feel when I do that." This isn't cognitive behavioural therapy, in the sense of forcing myself through it, but mindfulness - paying attention, acknowledging and accepting even difficult feelings. It gives me more power, more detachment (as in healthy, detached awareness) and helps me give it a different meaning.

The meaning I give it isn't "I need to get this task done, I have to make myself do it because there's a deadline" but a much bigger, more compassionate meaning that is, "I'm working to heal from anxiety. I know this is very difficult for me, but it's something I'm doing to help myself heal."

This is a really clever and clear way of breaking it down Hashi.

 

[Kintsugi]

. I try to describe to myself exactly what's happening. In my case, not "I'm too anxious" or "I'm going into panic" but "I'm feeling afraid and overwhelmed at the thought of doing X."

The next steps are things like saying, "I'll do it for 2 minutes even though I feel fear, which will probably be uncomfortable but it will be OK because it's only 2 minutes, and I'll notice how I feel when I do that." This isn't cognitive behavioural therapy, in the sense of forcing myself through it, but mindfulness - paying attention, acknowledging and accepting even difficult feelings. It gives me more power, more detachment (as in healthy, detached awareness) and helps me give it a different meaning.

The meaning I give it isn't "I need to get this task done, I have to make myself do it because there's a deadline" but a much bigger, more compassionate meaning that is, "I'm working to heal from anxiety. I know this is very difficult for me, but it's something I'm doing to help myself heal."

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this. I don't know that this thread is much good to others seeking asylum from this issue, but the above quote has helped me notably and specifically since I've read it. I feel the beginning escalation, step on the brake, and think of these words, then slowly return to my thoughts in a much calmer, more ambitious manner, feeling that whatever challenge I'm facing is something that I am doing for myself and not for the benefit of someone or something to which I feel obligated to--even burdened by.

Thank you Hashi for these words.

 

[Hashi]

Thank you for saying that, I'm so glad if it helped.

I meant to come back sooner and comment on what you said here, which links in:

in a twisted paradox, many of the things I need to accomplish to achieve structure and direction in my life are falling by the wayside as I try and quell my symptoms and figure out how to address these underlying obstacles, but if I could just achieve some of those goals, I would be in a better position to take a healthier approach to those issues.

I've been going through these sorts of feelings myself. I lost my job a little while ago and I've been feeling frustrated that while I'm trying to get my life back on track, find a new job, establish structure and financial stability, what's actually happening is that every day seems to get "derailed" by dealing with anxiety and other symptoms, and battling unhealthy coping methods.

I finally started seeing it the other way round - that learning to deal with the symptoms IS the way to establish structure and direction in my life. It's the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now. I'm trying to see my goal as dealing with the symptoms (by both developing better coping and by working on the causes). I've been realising more and more that I can't build a structure without this as the foundation.

For example, it has been frustrating to feel that anxiety's holding me back from finding a job, but my "job" right now is to heal from the anxiety. That's the basis of my whole future life, including jobs, and I keep reminding myself that I need that in place in order for the rest of my life to come together.

It sounds like we might be in similar places with this. I'm sorry you're facing such challenges, but it has been reassuring to me to know I'm not alone.

 

[Kintsugi]

Oh man I can't fully respond to all that you've laid out above at the moment, but no, you are not alone. I think we're experiencing a very similar situation.

 

[ms spock]

I can really relate to what you two are talking about. I am struggling with this at the moment.

 

[maddog]

At the risk of being a bit redundant... me too!! The more I want to make a plan and put it into practice in terms of getting my life back on track, the more I seem to be hamstrung by the reasons why my life got so off track in the first place. Managing depression, anxiety and other related issues has become a huger and more all-consuming job than anything that I ever received a pay packet for. It fills me with a kind of circular looping panic, makes me feel as though the harder I swim the more I drown, and yet somehow I know I need to find a way to turn that spiralling situation around in my head as Hashi has said, and to look on my job for now as being to heal and stabilise myself, kind of like a "preparing for work" module in my world.

Easier - so much easier - said than done, and coping with the panic and shame of my situation is nine tenths of the battle I think.

Maddog

 

[ms spock]

I just really hardly managed yesterday.