When You Experience Suicidal Ideation.

[Me Myself and I]

I have been through that myself, and every time I catch myself into that tunnel of thoughts, I just think to myself that is no solution, Rather instead admitting failure and surrender.

Suicide is not the key, suicide is the easy way out true, but a terrible, terrible one to those who love us and surround us.

When catching similar thoughts, I think of those close to me, those who care most about me, those who had been always there for me. And last but not least, think of myself.

Do I really want to end up my life just like that, without fighting? Without proving to myself that I can actually overcome whatever troubles I face? Not a chance.

 

[heidi]

Is it common for PTSD to refuse to accept the truth? Like it has done its part to make the mind so scared of the subject that any amount of proof of closure is automatically not accepted.. That seems to be the biggest problem right now.

I'm not sure that I 100% understand. But have you ruled out OCD? It almost sounds like it could be related.

 

[cdg]

I'm just as confused as you are. I have never been diagnosed with OCD. I have been obsessed at times but, nothing that caused compulsions.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Really? Cuz what the hell meds work?

First off, I'd like a little respect even if my opinion is different then yours. There are many medications that will work for different people, you have to find what works for you. I am on 4 medications that work to keep me from having to fight to stay alive every day. It took a year, and many med changes to find what worked. Yes, it sucked, but so did my failed attempts last year. At least by trying out different meds I didn't hurt my family like I did with the suicide attempts.

Medications work differently on every person so I can't say what meds would work for him, I can only say what works for me and it has no value here. If his 4 meds aren't working, I still think that changing them could help.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What is the best way to get through it?

I would call my therapist (T) at the worst of it. I also take ativan, try to do things that keep me present like gardening, training my dogs, scrapbooking. I also play video games. I was highly suicidal for over a year. I had an emergency plan that I used quite often. I still have suicidal thoughts, but I don't have to fight to stay alive. I take beta-blockers at night so my nightmares are decreased and I don't wake up screaming and in a panic attack so much. I used to have to make myself do things in the morning to get started. I also went inpatient when I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

[cdg]

I am on 4 medications that work to keep me from having to fight to stay alive every day. It took a year, and many med changes to find what worked.

What meds are you currently on? As a starting place... If you don't mind me asking? What is the type of place to go in patient? Cost?

 

[heidi]

First off, I'd like a little respect even if my opinion is different then yours.

I'm sorry. I can see how that didn't come off so well.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What meds are you currently on?

I take Paxil 40mg for the PTSD, I take Prazocin, a beta blocker for nightmares and panic symptoms. I take Clonidine for that too. Then I have Ativan as needed. This combo works for me. I'm in therapy twice a week.

I also meditate on a daily basis. Well, almost daily. When I am badly dissociative, I do 5 minute meditations. When I meditate, and things come into my mind, I put them on leaves and float them down the river in my mind. If they are persistent, I will acknowledge them, sit with the thought and name it, then float it down the river. I use guided meditation, and lovingkindness meditation. I think the meditation has done as much, if not more, than the medication. I bought a DBT workbook that helped me be in the present.

I, too, denied that I had a mental illness. I didn't want to be labeled with having one, and I didn't believe the trauma happened to me. It was kind of silly, since I did remember some of the trauma. Even now, after 2 years of therapy, I don't like to think of my trauma.

I'm sorry.

Thank you, I know its harder with the written word to get a particular tone across.

 

[cdg]

I think a beta blocker is the next thing on my list. I'll ask my doc next time. 5 minute meditation is a great suggestion.

All of these replies have been so helpful. Thanks to all who have taken the time.