Childhood I Want to Tell My Story - Raped and Abuse By My Brother

[annafennutchi]

Turning him in sounds like a fantasy.

I always have fantasized about turning him in, but after all these years, I am afraid of no one believing me. I turn into that scared little girl all over again. I wish I had the guts to just go to the athourities and spill my guts. If I understand correctly, I have 2 more years before the statute of limitations is up. I have been encourageed by a few people to turn him in.

The biggest reason I don't believe anything would be done is because when I told my parents what he had done, they flocked to his side and protected him. I was left to fall by the wayside and forgotten as "crazy like her mother"

I hate my mother for that, I can't stand her voice, her presence, anything. The worst part about that is that I live with the sea hag. I can't stand for her to touch me. When she does I feel the same discusting feeling I felt whenever her son touched me. I don't really understand why I feel like that but every time she touches me this evil feeling pours over me like a green cloud.

I want to research legal council just to see what could be done. I may or may not go through with it. It is a lot easier to sit here and say I will turn him in than it is to go down to the sherrif's office and spill it.

Thanks for your support and encouragement!:thumbs-up

 

[anthony]

Absolutely, it is easy to sit here and discuss it, and another completely different story to do it, because at the end of the day, when you do, if you do, you have to be ready to have every bit of dirt dug up on yourself also, because for every accusation, his lawyer will be looking to find an opposing answer, something to discredit you with, whether true or not. I guess this is why so many women never do tell authorities about their rape, because the hell they will go through to achieve the aim, will be hell, especially with family involved.

Maybe also another good path is rape or abuse groups, where maybe they could put you in touch with people who have pressed charges, and had both successful and unsuccessful convictions, so you can see both sides of the possible future you will endure, before enduring it yourself. Having others experience is worth its weight in gold in these circumstances, as it helps provide you some factual substance to what is going to occur, how it will occur, what is going to be said about you, and what you may feel if a successful conviction is sought. Some people say they get resolution for themselves when this is achieved, some say they got more distraught, because their rapist only got two years in jail for raping to begin with. I would try and contact some of these organisations and groups if possible, and try and find people who have walked the path themselves on both sides, then make your decision.

You are just absolute correct though, where talking about it, and doing it, are two completely different things, and very life changing experiences to go with one of them. I think these type of people should be punished by law, and punished for the indecent crimes they commit, but that is just my viewpoint, and most certainly not what is actually best for you, as only you know that Nicole.

 

[annafennutchi]

I really appreciate all the help. Every day is a new discovery right now. It is easier to just sit back and let life pass you by than it is to disect it. It's like ripping off a bunch of bandaids-at first it really stings, but after a little while it feels better, sure there may be a scar, but the wound is healed.( Leave it to a nurse to make a bandaid reference!)

 

[Nam]

I do the same thing except everything is related to gestation and birth! (I used to work in a maternity ward)

 

[Deleted member 3]

Nicole,

Is it possible that you could turn the b@#$tard in, without having to press charges? At least you will have the satisfaction of knowing the law knows about him but not putting you through the wringer of prosecuting. Surely that would defeat the statute of limitations. At the moment, although I agree that he needs to have his sorry ass dragged through the courts, I can't see how it would benefit you -emotionally anyway. Dealing with the aftermath is enough of a journey and will no doubt be a life long one for you. Its a shame isn't it, that creatures like that get to walk this earth and you are the one being punished. I feel for you, hopefully talking via this forum will help you in the healing direction.

 

[annafennutchi]

Hey

That's exactly what I am looking into now. I have contacted a lawyer to see what options I have. I am tied in knots over the thought of all the things that would go along with a court case.
Still Fighting though.:die: :mad: :hit-boss:

 

[anthony]

Yer, absolutely Nicole... easy for us to say it, but if you had to attend court, which no doubt you will, you have to make a pretty clear cut decision on whether or not you are up to it or not, or even if it had to be done, then it be done via video chat instead so you don't have to see him and have that extra pressure upon you.

 

[annafennutchi]

You know I have thought and thought. I want to make sure no one else gets hurt by him, and telling my family obviously has done no good. I tried again just the other day to tell them I needed to start therapy, not that I need their permission, but to inform them. It was like talking to a brick wall, no emotions, nothing. Just "what have you to be angry about?" from my mother. So I reminded her of what happened between 8 & 13 she acted completely unaffected. I am not surprised to get that reaction, but I guess I had really hoped for something a little more validating to the fact that I DO have the right to be angry, but instead she gave me the same nothing she's given me for as long as I can remember.

Wow. I just realized I am furious right now. I went for a drink, and my hand is shaking like a leaf! I am boiling inside! I am so mad at them!

Gotta take a breather, excuse me.

 

[anthony]

Its like your damned if you do, damned if you don't Nicole. If you do nothing, your being ignored and rejected about the issue from your family, if you do something, then he will hopefully be punished for his acts and not allowed to hurt another, whilst also your family will reject you some more no doubt. It doesn't seem to matter which approach is taken family wise, as you obviously have little support anyway.

I really don't understand a family doing that sort of thing, in that if one of my brothers or sisters abused me, and I told my parents, they would believe me and the most likely response would be, let the law sort out the facts, and we support you both whatever the outcome. There is no way would I condone that sort of behaviour from my own children, and even though I love them, if they did that sort of thing, then they deserve to be punished in my mind, but that is my logic to an illogical situation...

 

[piglet]

Trouble is, in families where sibling abuse starts, the family situation generally isn't very healthy already. There has got to be something wrong for someone to start abusing another person. Mind you, saying that, I know that my brother was a pain is the butt from the moment he was born -nightmare baby apparently, unlike my eldest brother and myself. I still find it hard to believe that people are born bad...

 

[Nam]

I think your brother, as a baby, might have been fussy, piglet, but someone also reinforced his bad behavior like your parents. And when your parents did nothing about the abuse, that just reinforced his bad behavior even more!! (Bad behavior doesn't describe molesting very well) Piglet, I believe he will have his day. Either in court or in hell or maybe both.

 

[annafennutchi]

I think you are both right. I do believe that some people are "born bad" but I believe more strongly that sometimes people with behavior problems are somehow encouraged. After my parents were told everything they ( my mother mostly) kept treating him like he was made of gold. That is the main reason I am so resentful of her, because she pushed me away and drew him closer and closer.
That fact makes it very hard not to make this about her. I really try to remind myself that it wasn't her fault either but sometimes it's hard to keep that in mind.