Therapist's Son Is Sick And I Am Throwing Tantrums

[Reds]

In the few months that I have been seeing my therapist she has never cancelled my appointment. She sent me an email last night to cancel today's appointment due to her ill son who will be hospitalized tomorrow. The first glance at the email and I felt like she doesn't want to see me. My reply to her email was rather cold, I just said "I hope your son gets well soon"

Why do I feel this way? I am generally a nice and caring person but why am I not ok with her canceling the appointment to be there for her son? Maybe I am just a bad selfish person. She has never cancelled an appointment before. Why can't I understand that her son needs her more? I am so not ok with her canceling to an extend that I feel like I should just quit therapy.

 

[digger]

Why do I feel this way?

Because you had been gearing yourself up for the session with her and that energy has to go somewhere. It doesn't make you a bad person. Neither does your email response to her. 'I hope your son gets well soon' is a perfectly acceptable response.

Give it a little while for your energies to settle down and look at it again and see how your response changes. I have had to learn to stop and breathe before making decisions as while my instant feelings and reactions are valid as feelings and reactions, I know that they can change when I have calmed down enough to look at things more objectively.

 

[Jane.l]

I agree with all of Diggers post. This was an important appointment for you and you are finding the emotions and attachments in therapy hard. So it is not surprising that changes from what you expected have thrown you a little.

I think that the fact you felt bad about wanting your therapist to put you before her son shows you are not selfish at all just struggling a little with the unexpected.

I get it - I have a melt down anytime my T doesn't return my email or doesn't seem to care enough but eventually I get back to being rational and remember although it feels like he is the centre of my world right now. I am not the centre of his . It's hard isn't it .

 

[Ice_Fire]

I think that you're finding therapy hard at the moment and it's understandable you feel like that. Your response is perfectly cordial and she wouldn't have wanted a gushing 'aww' type reply anyway. However, maybe this is an opportunity to take a step back and look at how much transference there is going on?

I agree with digger- give yourself some time to settle. At the end of the day, you are her client and although she does care (otherwise she wouldn't do this job), it is a professional relationship- she's a therapist, not a friend or a guardian-type person for you. She has her own life. It was really hard for me to accept this with my therapist, I've done the whole 'she's ignoring me, argh no, she hates me, I want her to like me and be there for me 24/7' but I've been far healthier since realising that it's unrealistic and plain old unhealthy.

 

[Joan]

I found myself in a meltdown one time over this same type of incident. I think partly it is as others have said you geared yourself up for it...and partly for me is that when things don't go as planned it throws me off. I do not think your response was cold, nor do I think you are being selfish...you have a need...it is for therapy and when that need is not met it leaves a hole. I completely agree with digger about giving yourself time...that is vital.

Be kind to yourself...do something for yourself if you can to comfort.

 

[DMerish]

Because you had been gearing yourself up for the session with her and that energy has to go somewhere. It doesn't make you a bad person. Neither does your email response to her. 'I hope your son gets well soon' is a perfectly acceptable response.

I agree with what's been said already - Digger summed it up quite well.

You're degree of being upset could have something to do with not having needs met by a parent too (I don't know your history).

Also, in general, there's the tendency in humans from being conditioned to expect things to go a certain way and then become very upset when they don't work out the way they were expected to: this is particularily true when we've taken something for granted.

 

[Abstract]

I think a lot of this is abandonment reactions and really they are about the long past and those who should have cared for us reliably.

Old self protection mechanisms can make you hit out and alienate the the person you don't want to loose as well as making you want to run away.

The trick of it is to fight these things and speak openly to your t about them when you can, as a concept. Getting better is about learning to trust as well as learning not to go into old patterns of alienating others when it is really about the past. Maybe you could write your T a nice email as a start and wish her good luck with her son.

 

[DMerish]

I think a lot of this is abandonment reactions and really they are about the long past and those who should have cared for us reliably. Old self protection mechanisms can make you hit out and alienate the the person you don't want to loose as well as making you want to run away.

:tup: Yea, that too. Good point, Abstract.

 

[Reds]

We'll Ice-fire, you have a point there but that point really hurts. I try so hard to remind myself she is my therapist and that is all but I want her to be so much more :(

 

[Ice_Fire]

((((hugs)))) I know it hurts hun, sorry. Felt like I was dying when the penny dropped for me. She is there for you though, just not 24/7 like we all wish our therapists could be.