What Lifetime Decisions Are You Thankful For?

[WillyKat]

Having PTSD tends to give us a very negative self-image. Then we deal with that in therapy and on this wonderful forum.

When I was in therapy about 15 years ago, my psychologist at the time, after hearing a lot of memories of me growing up, said “just about everything you mention were times you were hurt or sad.” She was right, it was only those things that I remembered.

Speaking with my psychologist (the one I've been working with the past 14 months or so) a few weeks back, we tried to identify some positive things I've done in my life. These range from learning about art to backpacking. They are those things you've done to protect yourself, to make yourself happy, or to get out of a negative place or situation.

So, what are your positive decisions or good turning points in your life?

 

[Annie B]

Great thread! I have come to terms with some of the bad pieces of my past by trying to learn something from it. Once I started trying to identify those lessons I learned to put some of the pain behind me.

For example, I am grateful for being bullied when I was young. It taught me empathy and kindness.

As an adult I have found myself in situations where I have needed to relate to teens/youth in times of need. Without my experiences I would not have known what to say to comfort them. They may not have felt safe enough to come to me, to confide in me as their leader and neighbor. They may not have listened to my advice if I hadn't actually understood what they were going through.

It was a huge turning point for me when a neighbor girl ran away and came to my house. She was in no danger, just needed someone to talk to. I made her call home to tell them she was safe. Before I drove her home I had her write a letter to her parents (the things she wanted to say but couldn't) to hand deliver. Of all the people she could have run to she chose me. I didn't know why, I didn't know her very well! I've since gotten to know her parents and we still have that bond, she trusts me.

Believe it or not, I truly am grateful for that. :)

 

[WillyKat]

• Taking up music in grade school. It's hard to quantify the positive effects of that, but it taught me how to appreciate music and later in life to get inspiration from it.
• Treks out back. When I was little, I used to go on very short hikes out to the farthest reaches of our little farm. That not only gave me some distance from the abuser that lived across the road, but also got me closer to nature, which I turn to for strength now.
• Journalling. For a long time between ages about 12 to somewhere in my twenties, I kept a journal. It was full of very dark stuff that I rarely looked back on in later years.
  
• Deciding not to swallow the sleeping pills when I was 18. I was very much in love with a girl and it was thinking of her that kept me from doing it. I'm still here.
• Going to college. I had never planned on going to college during high school, but it was because I was in to music that I got a tiny scholarship to start. Once there, I got into just about every other subject but music. It really blew my mind and was a hugely important step for me.
• Moving away from home. At the time, I really hated my home town. Let's just say that life was so hard growing up that getting away seemed like a great solution. I met some great friends along the way and I learned that there are other ways of thinking than what you find in small towns.
• Photography. My mother gave me a Nikon camera with a 50mm lens. I loved it. I sucked at photography and in some ways still do, but I still love it. I especially loved hiking or going places on my bike and taking pictures to remember those places. I rarely took pictures of people (that's a different subject) and I think because being away from people and being away from triggers keeps me sane and free.
• Wilderness. In college, I had to take some Physical Education credits. I hated sports and didn't care much for athletes, so I was really dreading this. But I was looking at the course catalog and saw that courses like Intro to Backpacking, Snowcamping, and Wilderness Survival fulfilled the PE credits. Gaining the skills to spend more time outdoors and away from all the triggers has literally changed my life in a way that words cannot describe.
• Scared straighter. I experimented with drugs in college. One night, I must have been quite altered because I vaguely remember people giving me things that I willingly consumed. I still don't know what it was. I just remember riding my bike home along a dark, wooded path, and suddenly realizing how out-of-control the situation had become. While I was not scared straight, I was scared straighter.
• Repressed memory recovery. It was a very tough day. My ex-girlfriend and I got in a big fight, during which the most important parts of the incident when I was six came back. I broke down like I've never broken down before or maybe since. I look on this as a positive event because finally I had an answer as to why I had been hurting so badly all through childhood. It was good to know that there was an external cause and that I wasn't just “screwed up.”
• Finishing college and going to graduate school. I took school very seriously. In fact, I had some very left-leaning views at the time and wanted to change the world. While I eventually changed my beliefs significantly, going to graduate school and encountering all sorts of new ideas and learning some great new skills was a really positive step for me.
• Giving up alcohol. I went to a relative's wedding once, which I think took place Christmas Eve. I was there by myself and I noticed that everyone had a wife or girlfriend. I had two or three beers and became very depressed and started having suicidal ideation really strongly. I really felt like I would never be happy and that I should give up. Not long after that, I realized that I nearly always got that way after drinking, even just a little. So while I didn't stop drinking completely, I did cut it way back to the point that I maybe have three or four drinks per year, and only then if I feel that I'm in a good enough mood to deal with it.
• Counselling. It was during graduate school, a few years after my memories came back, that I realized that I needed to get some help, that I could not do this alone. I've learned a lot from counselling, though I also know I have a long way to go.

 

[Annie B]

So that's what you were looking for! Haha sorry, I guess mine still kinda works. ;)

By the way, way to go!! You are a force to be reckoned with. So proud of you!

 

[DMerish]

So, what are your positive decisions or good turning points in your life?

- Deciding I never to be drug or drink dependent.
- Learning how to play the piano and guitar, and develop music appreciation: Music speaks to all people.
- Travel/Living in foreign countries, learning different languages and about other people and cultures.
- Realizing that believing what my abuser was telling me (that I'm crazy) was crazy making me crazy, and believe him was crazy!
- Getting myself and children out of our situation with the abuser.
- Getting my GED at age 36 and finishing my bachelor degree at 53.
- Learning how to fix my home's electrical and plumbing problems myself.
- Taking fencing, Tai Chi and tae kwon lessons.
- Learning to dance the Salsa and Merengue, snow ski, and do somersaults on a trampoline.
- Paying off nearly all my debt (still have a little ways to go with that), and buying a car with saved cash.
- Taking my adult sons to meet my aunt and uncle - they replaced my parents when they died in my early twenties. I was their
daughter and they were grandparents to my kids from afar. (ex interfered with kids being able to see my family when young).
- Getting into therapy - and again - and again. Taking medication to help me through rough times.
- Finding this forum ;)

 

[WillyKat]

Thanks; I actually liked yours better; cuz you actually helped someone.

I guess I could add the times I tried to help someone.

 

[Annie B]

WillyKat, You would be surprised how many people you have helped by taking such steps to change your life. People do watch and learn from your example. Don't diminish your very real positive contribution to the world!

DMerish, you and I have a lot of interests in common!

 

[maddog]

Great thread, really healthy to think about the positive turning points, when so much of my time and life seem taken up with the regrets and could have beens.

For me:

Deciding to hold onto my love of nature and the bush. This wasn't a conscious decision, but rather it was a passion that somehow managed to survive the childhood torment, which took place in the context of a secluded rural life, that could so easily have become a negative association with the abuse. I still love nature, the bush, animals, and the peace and serenity of country life. I'm glad of that.

Deciding to move to a city far away from my family for uni and subsequent life. At the time it was a runaway decision I didn't think I would get away with, and the backlash from my family was evil. But I did it, and it was a step towards the escape I could never have executed if I'd stayed in the local region.

Deciding to go to see a psychologist 3.5 years ago. It was one of the most uncharacteristic things I have ever done, and occurred in the context of horrific adult trauma and a major breakdown. But it was a decision that has saved my life undoubtedly.

Maddog

 

[Mayday]

* leaving an abusive relationship
* putting boundaries in place to limit contact with my parents
* going to art school as a mature student
* giving therapy another go even though I was terrified
* volunteering with animals
* adopting a disabled pet
* backpacking/travelling

 

[franciemarnie]

I quit a potentially lucrative job in my 20's I couldn't stand and which had no relation to who I was and took a job making next to no money that I loved.

Performing in theater in my 20's and 30's even though the results were sometimes insanely painful.

Realizing that what I experience in life is real, not necessarily what other people tell me is reality.

Moving in at age 52 with my now husband. I thought it was a great defeat and only did it due to losing my job only to find losing my job and moving in with someone I cared for and who cared for me were the best things that ever happened to me.

Quitting painkillers.

Getting off antidepressants.

Leaving my shrink who I wasted decades with.

All I can think of at almost 3 in the morning.

 

[maddog]

Cutting off contact, permanently and unconditionally, with my parents. For some reason I just couldn't write this one yesterday, even though in many ways, it is the single greatest achievement of my life. I'm not quite ready to recognize it as such yet, but can acknowledge that some day, I might... I hope.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

Putting effort into friendships.

Going to university when I was 27 to study a subject I loved. Staying at university and getting my degree even though I had to take a year off for depression.

Living and working abroad for two years.

All the travelling I've done.

Choosing to do work that was meaningful to me. Choosing jobs that have given me amazing experiences (travel, access to places people don't normally have access to, working with inspiring people).

Following my intuition to study and practise things that made little sense at the time but a lot of sense later on - dream interpretation, archetypes, writing poetry, art.

Thank you for this thread. I have a lot of concern about how I didn't plan my life based more around finance. But things that have been important to me are things that led me away from a sensible well-paid job with a pension plan.