Anxiety/panic After Disclosing Traumas

[Rissy215]

Yesterday I felt like my head was about to explode and my anxiety was out of control and I thought if I opened up about a past trauma to my T it would help.

I don't have another session with him until next week because of the holiday but I had to get something out so I wrote a short [sexually explicit] narrative and sent it to him. It was the first time I'd ever "talked" about any of my sexual abuse so I've been really panicked about his response but he hasn't responded to it which is making my anxiety even worse.

He responded to an email from beforehand and an email from after but said nothing about the trauma narrative. I've pretty much been shaking and crying since yesterday and I really wish I hadn't told him. I'm still not sure I completely trust him yet anyways.

Do you all feel relieved or more anxious when you disclose trauma events to your T?

 

[arfie]

On the starting end I am intensely anxious. When we successfully work it through, the relief is equally intense. Sometimes it needs to ride through all the emotions in between.

Deep breaths, Rissy. It was a brave step. Now I suggest you give it some time. Just rest and digest.

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey @Rissy215,

I think it's totally okay for you to feel anxious... but try not to read into it. (I know it's hard!) There are a lot of possible reasons he hasn't responded yet. Do whatever comforting things you can think of to try and take your mind off it... for me it would be something like a good movie and popcorn or a new book... but do something you really like. It will be hard and it probably won't work that well... but anything is better than spinning around and around in your head without any distraction. You sent the note, it's done, you just have to wait.

All that being said, I'm so sorry that you've suffered from sexual abuse and that you're having so much anxiety about this. You didn't do anything wrong. It's important to be able to discuss these things, in detail, with your T. It's a big step that you were able to do that. Oh, and to answer your question... I feel a little relieved but usually way more anxious. It's difficult stuff.

Just hang in there! Oh, and breathe.
D123

 

[Jane.l]

I feel really anxious until my T replies- he knows now I really need him to get back to me ASAP because I get in a mess otherwise .

I would suggest emailing your T and checking he received it and then just tell him you are worrying because you haven't heard. It's an understandable reaction.

Though I do always dip a bit after new things come out . You will feel better that its out there but it can make you feel worse first. Seems really unfair doesn't it.

 

[quic]

Mine got worse before it got better. I think we hide the trauma from ourselves to avoid feeling the anxiety. When we start talking about it we are forced to revisit the feelings and process them. The anxiety of discussing a past trauma is normal and part of the process. As I went through it in therapy and on my own many times, the anxiety level reduced.

Disclosing to someone exactly what happened is frightening, it somehow makes it more real in our mind. It is a good thing that you were able to share your story with your T, not easy, but good. I can't say you will get OVER this, but you can get THROUGH. it. The next time you share the story, your reaction will likely be less intense because you had the courage to face your fear. It does take courage to get through this. Dont give up, you are on the right track. You are in my prayers.

 

[Barconian]

Even writing to someone brings out some very raw emotions and leave one feeling very drained and vulnerable. The point is Rissy, you did it and you should be proud of yourself for taking that leap and telling your T about your experiences.

What you are feeling right now is really quite normal under your circumstances and you would need time to calm back down from these emotions.

 

[scout86]

I'm going to agree with everyone who said what you're feeling is "normal". (Maybe even technically "normal" people feel the same way in the same situation.) And, what you did was brave and the right thing to do, if you're going to give your therapist a chance to do their job.

If it makes you feel any better, the guy I go to does the same thing sometimes. What I've found is that on the occasions when I REALLY need to hear back from him, I do. Sometimes I'll send him something that was really hard to write and is seems to disappear into a black hole. I know he got it, I know he's not ignoring it. I'm not sure what he's actually doing with it (and I should probably just ask him, but I'm not totally sure I want to know! LOL) It kind of freaks me out when that happens too. But, nothing bad has ever happened as a result and things have always gone on just fine.

If something "bad" comes from this, you know you've got everyone here on your side, right?

Hang in there! :)

 

[fyredrift23]

Rissy215,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so scared and anxious lately. Sharing your experiences must have been very difficult for you! Whenever I anticipate sharing something with my therapist, I get super scared and worried. I get so nervous and wonder if I'll tell him after all. I've started emailing him more because I would, unknowingly, prevent myself from sharing important things that were really bothering me once I got in session with him. I feel a bit relieved once I've typed everything out, but, once I send it, I immediately get scared and apprehensive all over again.

My T already told me he doesn't respond to emails because he prefers to discuss what I wrote about in-person. So, even though I don't feel any anxiety about receiving a reply, I do feel like I regret sending it. I feel silly and stupid and wonder why I did such a thing. However, once he and I talk about it, I feel 10x's better, really. Once I see his reaction, and how he isn't judgemental or ashamed of me and my behavior/feelings, I truly do feel happy th

 

[Rissy215]

Thanks. I don't feel as bad about feeling anxious now. I hope I don't feel this way until my next session though; Thanksgiving is hard enough for me. Somehow I just need to breathe though that's easier said than done.

 

[Joan]

So sorry that you are feeling those emotions. I can totally relate! I know that my therapist did not feel right responding by email, but preferred to address in person. I did not know this at the beginning and really struggled and almost cancelled appt because i just could not face her. We now have an understanding that i just need her to acknowledge receipt and assure me we will talk about. try to be kind to yourself in the meantime and maybe just confirm that your T got it...maybe say i just need to hear from you??

 

[GingerAli]

Have you been taught any coping techniques to help you get through these times? Belly breathing, meditation, grounding, etc. any of these and more may help you to calm down a bit until you see your T again.

It is also a possibility that because of the deep nature of the topic your T would much rather get back to you in person about it. When you share something so deep it can make you more easily triggered. And I know it is much easier to misunderstand someone through an email. If it's just a matter of whether the T received it you can email and ask, but do you think that will be enough to qualm your anxieties? Finding some sort of relaxation technique may help more. I hope you find the peace you need.

 

[EverOnly358]

Finding some sort of relaxation technique may help more.

This is good advice from @GingerAli ... take really good care of yourself. Do things to calm and things to distract. You'll get through this. It's a big step, and I think it might just make things easier for you in the future. Along with being brave to send the note to your T, I think it's great that you reached out here and you're trying to get through this in just the right way.

And, what you did was brave and the right thing to do, if you're going to give your therapist a chance to do their job. ... If something "bad" comes from this, you know you've got everyone here on your side, right?

I totally second this! Let us know what happens.