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Disclosing Body Memories In Therapy Help
- Post starter mytai
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Lots of empathy coming your way Mytai, both for the pain and shame and confusion of the body memories themselves, and for the struggle to explain or share them.
As many others have said, I too have experienced them on and off for a long time now, but didn't recognize them as such (or want to) until fairly recently when they suddenly became very intense and very persistent, to a point at which I had to confront them.
They also occur for me at times during therapy sessions, but more frequently at night (after nightmares) and as part of other flashbacks and horrible dissociative type experiences. But sometimes in therapy they are there too, sometimes when we talk specifically about relevant traumas, or sometimes just as general shifting pain and discomfort which is part actual body memory and part psychosomatic pain that is really just my body getting on board with my brain to vent its distress.
I have discussed these with my T, also after much much shame and holding back. I trust him as much as I could imagine trusting anyone, and yet I too baulked greatly at the prospect of going into specifics. And then, significantly, I realised that I didn't really need to. I could tell him very clearly without telling him specifically, in the sense that explaining to him that I was experiencing intense body memories that were directly linked to traumatic memory images of X or Y incident of sexual abuse, was as good as telling him that I was feeling pain and discomfort "down below". Our Ts are, hopefully, intuitive people who understand communication difficulties, understand the dynamics of abuse, and are pretty good at reading between the lines. I'm not at all advocating being deliberately ambiguous or playing guessing games with your T as a general rule or practice, but simply pointing out that sometimes we get so carried away with the need to explain *everything* that we forget that sometimes, near enough really is good enough, and in most cases, letting your T know that you're experiencing pain directly related to sexual trauma, is all the detail they'll need to put 2 and 2 together and to help you to work through and process those body memories sufficiently.
Saying embarrassing words for the sake of having said them, sometimes feels like a challenge we have to meet in order to believe that we're "fully disclosing". But shame and awkwardness just on principle are neither necessary nor helpful, and I would bet that your T, like mine, will be able to figure it out and move to validate and support you through your experience without you having to say the actual words that are so hard.
All the very best with your appointment, with the e-mail, and with however else you choose to tackle this. My thoughts are with you.
Maddog
As many others have said, I too have experienced them on and off for a long time now, but didn't recognize them as such (or want to) until fairly recently when they suddenly became very intense and very persistent, to a point at which I had to confront them.
They also occur for me at times during therapy sessions, but more frequently at night (after nightmares) and as part of other flashbacks and horrible dissociative type experiences. But sometimes in therapy they are there too, sometimes when we talk specifically about relevant traumas, or sometimes just as general shifting pain and discomfort which is part actual body memory and part psychosomatic pain that is really just my body getting on board with my brain to vent its distress.
I have discussed these with my T, also after much much shame and holding back. I trust him as much as I could imagine trusting anyone, and yet I too baulked greatly at the prospect of going into specifics. And then, significantly, I realised that I didn't really need to. I could tell him very clearly without telling him specifically, in the sense that explaining to him that I was experiencing intense body memories that were directly linked to traumatic memory images of X or Y incident of sexual abuse, was as good as telling him that I was feeling pain and discomfort "down below". Our Ts are, hopefully, intuitive people who understand communication difficulties, understand the dynamics of abuse, and are pretty good at reading between the lines. I'm not at all advocating being deliberately ambiguous or playing guessing games with your T as a general rule or practice, but simply pointing out that sometimes we get so carried away with the need to explain *everything* that we forget that sometimes, near enough really is good enough, and in most cases, letting your T know that you're experiencing pain directly related to sexual trauma, is all the detail they'll need to put 2 and 2 together and to help you to work through and process those body memories sufficiently.
Saying embarrassing words for the sake of having said them, sometimes feels like a challenge we have to meet in order to believe that we're "fully disclosing". But shame and awkwardness just on principle are neither necessary nor helpful, and I would bet that your T, like mine, will be able to figure it out and move to validate and support you through your experience without you having to say the actual words that are so hard.
All the very best with your appointment, with the e-mail, and with however else you choose to tackle this. My thoughts are with you.
Maddog
- Post starter
- #15
I agree with maddog. If it's helpful, start with very general words - even "body memory" and no more. I think your own phrase of lower down pain is actually quite clear. My somatic therapist, who was also an osteopath, gave me the phrase "lower pelvis" which I was grateful for. It seemed specific enough to be clear without being a word I didn't want to say.
zaniara
Diamond Member
I can't use the 'correct words'/terms naming those parts of my or anyones body. But I also have problems with understanding sometimes that certain things(like pressure against my troath or any other part) is a body-memory. But reading what you all wrote make me very grateful for my therapist: because he is very intuitive and also very 'active', and when I have been having a body-memory he has somehow noticed it and asked directly if I'm experiencing a memory and what I am experiencing/where i can feel it, and how it is making me feel etc. But sometimes I have been in so severe pain "down below" that I cried and could hardly sit down, and without knowing it I was pressing my hands against the lower part of my belly.. So those times it wasn't much of a guessing game for him really.
Good luck and it was a brave thing of you to do to write that email. She's there to help you, and your honesty makes it easier for her to do so.
Good luck and it was a brave thing of you to do to write that email. She's there to help you, and your honesty makes it easier for her to do so.
I feel the same way, I feel safer with a male, despite males being the most common abuser in my past. Not sure why it's working that way for me.
- Post starter
- #19
That just happened to me this morning after a night full of nightmares. That is my typical response so I'm surprised I haven't responded like that in front of my T. Maybe because I'm quick to allow myself to float off when it starts, or numb out, I don't know.
I'm majorly stressed out now because my T read the email and responded back that we can talk about this Thursday. I didn't ask for a response other than to know that she got the email, so I'm not disappointed by the response, just very anxious and stressed that I know she read it and knows about it now. :oops:
WillyKat
Diamond Member
mytai, it sounds like your T cares. This will be OK. I know that trust is hard, but I really believe that this will work out just fine.
- Post starter
- #21
@WillyKat I feel like she does. I've never opened up about these feelings before so it is an unknown area for me. A new level of vulnerability that I haven't been before. Actually I don't think I have allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of her yet. So this is scary, unchartered territory for me. The first time I've allowed myself to be vulnerable. So the wait until tomorrow is very, very scary.
WillyKat
Diamond Member
There's a lot of uncharted territory in therapy. I've used that exact phrase when talking with my T about it. But it's not just about therapy; it's also about doing things and feeling things about life that you've either never done before or not for a long, long time. I told my T once that I felt like I was on another planet and didn't know what I could eat.
It's disconcerting, but I think it's a sign of progress, and that's a good thing.
It's disconcerting, but I think it's a sign of progress, and that's a good thing.
- Post starter
- #24
@Amne I'm hoping the wait is the worst part. I'm just very unsure, this is the first time since I started seeing my T that I've allowed myself to be vulnerable. And this feels like I'm walking in naked. Ugh.
@WillyKat I usually stuff down the feelings, dissociate, numb out. It's how I've been continuing to live my life despite abuse being active in my life (or at least a month ago it was). To tell my T that something isn't right is scary. Again, I feel vulnerable and naked now and I haven't allowed that to happen yet with her. I know she is the right T for me, I know I can trust her with this, I guess my dilemma is whether or not I can trust myself with this.
Progress is good. Considering I feel like I haven't made much thus far, then again I know my T is trying to establish a safe place for me, trust, and grounding techniques before we step into the trauma part of my life. I have made eye contact only a few times with her and it has only been for a few seconds at a time. I feel like banging my head on a wall sometimes, I get frustrated with myself.
@WillyKat I usually stuff down the feelings, dissociate, numb out. It's how I've been continuing to live my life despite abuse being active in my life (or at least a month ago it was). To tell my T that something isn't right is scary. Again, I feel vulnerable and naked now and I haven't allowed that to happen yet with her. I know she is the right T for me, I know I can trust her with this, I guess my dilemma is whether or not I can trust myself with this.
Progress is good. Considering I feel like I haven't made much thus far, then again I know my T is trying to establish a safe place for me, trust, and grounding techniques before we step into the trauma part of my life. I have made eye contact only a few times with her and it has only been for a few seconds at a time. I feel like banging my head on a wall sometimes, I get frustrated with myself.
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