Problems With Commitment?

[HemlockGrove]

Any of you have a hard time being stationary for too long? Either you have to just rearrange the furniture in the house or bedroom or you have to cut ties with people. Some kind of change. Somewhere. I'm just wondering if this is closer to being me specific or if it's a general trauma related thing...

 

[franciemarnie]

When I was younger and didn't know what was wrong with me but felt such wrongness in my life, I would quit jobs and people all the time because I thought they were the problem. Usually they weren't. The problem was in me, and as they say - wherever you go, there you are.

I do find now that when I am troubled sometimes, if I reorganize my books or clean out my closets and throw out the rubbish, I feel immensely better and often come up with a solution to my dilemma at the same time.

That's me anyway.

 

[DMerish]

Oh, my - what an eye opener. I don't think I've ever been asked, or asked myself, if I have a problem with commitment.

I've always thought of myself as just liking a lot of variety, being pretty flexible, and liking challenges. It wasn't until a few years ago that I began to notice that having those qualities oftentimes made my life harder. Now you've got me wondering!

 

[Mayday]

I do find now that when I am troubled sometimes, if I reorganize my books or clean out my closets and throw out the rubbish, I feel immensely better and often come up with a solution to my dilemma at the same time.

I do exactly the same thing!

Some kind of change. Somewhere

I've always thought of myself as just liking a lot of variety, being pretty flexible, and liking challenges

And totally relate here too...you might be on to something!

I wonder why that would be. Must be some logic behind it...interesting anyway. I will have to think about this. I'm early-mid thirties and have never been in a relationship, had the same job, studied the same thing or lived in the same place for more than 1-2 years.

 

[scout86]

Officially, "I don't have a problem". LOL

One day, in therapy, my T used the word "commitment". There was a pause, followed by him saying "I know you don't like that word." WTH? We didn't talk about it at the time. I have NO idea where he came up with that!

Seriously. I've lived in in 6 different states. In the state where I'm living now, I've lived in 9 different towns. (Actually, mostly outside of town, but you get the idea.) I've found I actually do my best thinking when I'm driving....

I've always thought of it like DMerish, "variety, flexibility", etc. There also might be an element of "running away from home" involved. Officially "home is where I park the truck". Could be my own driveway, could be the phone company parking lot. (That was back before it was common to sleep in your vehicle in the WalMart parking lot.)

From what I've been noticing on here, if there's a pattern, it may be one of embracing either extreme.

 

[The Albatross]

I don't know if the tendency is PTSD related... the aspect is something I attempted for a long time. In my case it led to naught. I know that base personalities though lean toward a personality skew... my sister in law is two clicks of top dead center neurotic. I... well, am not.

Not saying this is a good or bad thing... just saying it is something I tend to recognize about the people around me and myself. I tend more toward avoidance, but a lot of that has to do with the thought cascade around making decisions. There's a name for it but I don't recall what that is.

 

[DMerish]

Must be some logic behind it...interesting anyway. I will have to think about this. I'm early-mid thirties and have never been in a relationship, had the same job, studied the same thing or lived in the same place for more than 1-2 years.

This has really got me thinking also, as whether I've always been commitment phobic or just have a soft spot for chaos. I'm 60, and in retrospect I sure wish I had focused on having more stability in my life.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I've rarely stuck at anything. But like someone else said, it was worse when I wouldn't accept there was anything wrong with me. I felt hope in a new start, then when it settled, I felt there was something more I needed, something that was unsatisfying about my life. So I would look for a new start again.

 

[scout86]

Oh come on DMerish! "Chaos" is FUN!

There's a big part of my brain that goes "Put me in coach, I know how to DO THIS! I may not know how to do anything ELSE, but I can do THIS." LOL

(No, chaos is not actually fun, once you start to pay attention to what is actually happening.....)

:)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I can't commit to anything.

Relationships? Nope. I won't commit. I never have. I just sort of fall into "situations" and when pressed to be "official" I kick them to the curb. I don't want to be owned. I don't want to belong to someone else. I don't want to be half of a whole.

Career? Nope. I can't pin this one down either. I have a degree or so and right now I'm thinking what's the point? The economy sucks and it's a male dominated field so maybe I should go on another path? But what?

Where to live? Bounced around a bit in this regard, too. Don't like where I'm at right now, but can't change that.

Friends? Another big no... I get sick of them judging me or trying to change me so I let them all fall by the wayside. Who needs that?

I could go on....

 

[DMerish]

:p Solara - You are such an amazing ray of light just like your avatar :) I mean this sincerly: I love your honesty and directness!

 

[HemlockGrove]

I love your honesty and directness!

I concur. It's refreshing to hear the real truth. No sugar coating. :)