Gender and self injury by cutting

[Hashi]

I sometimes have the urge to self-injure, although not cutting - the reason for that being directly related to my trauma experiences.

However, I'm struck by how common self-injury and particularly cutting is for women and girls. I see that in research, on forums and blogs, and I've also seen it in women's prisons where it's a huge problem. I haven't had the same impression when it comes to men and boys, and I'm wondering why that is.

I'm not sure it's only about turning anger inwards rather than outwards, although I think that must be a factor. Likewise, there seems to be more to it than needing to feel physical pain, since there are ways to achieve that without cutting.

I feel like there's something missing in my understanding about cutting, and what it means. I hope it doesn't seem intrusive to ask people about it when I don't do it myself. I want to understand it better because I'm female and it seems such an overwhelmingly female phenomenon. Also because I'm trying to understand my own feelings about cutting (or rather not cutting) in relation to my trauma, which I'm very confused about.

First of all, am I even correct? Is it an overwhelmingly female thing or am I just not aware of it in men and boys? And secondly, does anyone have any thoughts they'd like to share about what it represents?

 

[therisa]

Having lived, on both sides of the gender equation, as a transwoman, I think that males are more expressive, in a physical way, how they display their reaction to abuse, in their use of violence against others. For two of my own abusers (schoolyard bullies) came from abusive homes, which their bodies were covered by unexplained bruises. Although, I think it's a generalization to say, cutting is strictly, a female issue, for my self-harm does involve a form of cutting, which only happens, during my darkest depression and extremely toxic low self-esteem bouts (which I won't disclose, for personal reasons). And yes, something like cutting would be denied by a male, and goes unreported, although it does happen.

I think, cutting is an attempt to get attention, from those around them, i.e. a family member, friends or someone they respect, like a physical cry for help. I know, for me, it was one of the signs of my body hatred, being trapped, in the wrong body, from birth, which I couldn't tell my parents, while growing up.

 

[Abstract]

Hashi. I suspect it is higher in women than men even though there are lots of men and boys who do it. I do suspect a lot of the difference is to do with how emotions such as anger are expressed. I certainly have never self harmed in anger but I think emotions are more complicated than that and things get muddled when suppressed. I believe emotion moderation is the most common cause. I had other ways of doing that though.

There is sure to be plenty more going on of course. There are mores suicides in boys I believe. There are also many, many different motivations for self harm and I suspect the issues surrounding them vary too. Including emotional numbing and dissociation - attempting to feel something.

I have self harmed (cut) other than this but almost all of mine have direct ties to trauma in ways I don't want to discuss. Other than that the few incidences have been related to extreme self hatred and despair or a warding off of acting out in suicide. Not a lot of this though.

One of my worst patches in my life which I am grateful has stopped now although it threatens at time (like any time I try to take a further step to get professional help or believe I have trauma) was when I found myself literally battling myself as to whether I had trauma or not. and what I should do about that. It was repeated compulsive and over a protracted period of time. I also felt entirely unable to stop it. I also didn't know anything about it until it was happening already. I came on here when I was battling with it happening on my face. I don't know how that didn't happen. It was like there was part of me that was demanding I stop be in denial whilst the rest of me was totally in it.

I am assuming from what you said that have never cut? Is your question why cutting and not something else? I think you could ask similar questions for burning, hitting and a whole range of other stuff.

I may be missing something in your question though as I suspect you know all this. Do you want to say more about the "cutting" aspect of this and why this specifically? Do you feel cutting has specific significance compared to other types?

 

[Abstract]

I just want to add that cutting has never ever been a cry for help to someone else or a means of getting attention, for me. I have a horror of anyone knowing or seeing. I do think self injury can be a physical representation of what is felt and is unable to fully expressed or a means of our brains demanding attention for something.

I do agree with Theresa about anger expressions and men as well as the decreased likelihood of men speaking about it. Even looking at polls on here, men are more likely to vote but not post.

 

[macca]

I haven't cut - but have been known to punch myself in the head, hard. :( It happens when I am overwhelmed, and it happens so quick, it is very, very difficult to stop myself, though I am improving. I've tried to explain why I do it to both myself and my T - but in truth, I don't really know why. Punching yourself doesn't seem typically "female" I guess - so I'm not sure why I "chose" this method. I only know I wish to stop.

 

[mytai]

I have to disagree with Therisa, I don't believe it is an attention seeking method. There are very few people who use it to get attention (there is always the exception), but it is usually something self-injurers try to hide out of shame.

For me personally, I cut for a number of reasons. I cut to release the emotions I don't know how to express or am not allowed to express. I cut to make the outside look as ugly as my inside feels. I cut as self punishment. I don't feel pain when I cut, so it isn't for the pain factor, cutting is almost like a sigh for me. Cutting makes me feel something when I can't feel anything else in my life.

 

[Abstract]

I agree with mytai that it is a common misconception that it is for attention and that few people do it for that reason. That it isn't a good idea to reinforce that misconception. Potentially making self pay attention and self expression at times, yes.

 

[Crimson]

BTW, the movie Red Eye just started and I can't turn it but it freaks me out so so so hard.

More females attempt suicide but more males complete the act, because males generally express such intense things in more violent ways (which is horrible).

I think that for every person who has been hurt there is a special, 'stuff just got real and they are super hurting right now' expression of whatever you might select; rage, pain, despair, hatred, self hatred, and the rest. For me it is hitting my head on stuff (HARD), my partner has told me that she prefers when I punch things compared to the head bashing, (I've broken hollow core doors, left marks on solid core doors from both my ring and knuckles, broken my hand on a "padded" wall that they put under basketball hoops) but when I start hitting my head into stuff it is an expression of pain on a near insanity scale. At that point I'm gone, in this 250lb body is an enraged, raped, eviscerated, violated, and violent boy somewhere between 7 and 13 years old.

I can't turn Red Eye off, I'm flashing back. I might come back to complete my post.

 

[digger]

I'm not sure it's only about turning anger inwards rather than outwards, although I think that must be a factor. Likewise, there seems to be more to it than needing to feel physical pain, since there are ways to achieve that without cutting. I feel like there's something missing in my understanding about cutting, and what it means.

As a long term self harmer I have examined my own reasons for it many times...I dedicated a couple of posts in my diary to it which I'll just link to here rather than hash it all out again if that okay?

Self Harm and Me

about self harm...

and this which I didn't include in the other two pieces...

There was a self harm theory that I didn't mention yesterday, because I rarely identify with it. The idea that the wounds people inflict on their bodies are visible physical representations of the invisible psychological damage. That people hurt themselves 'outside' as a way of showing that they are hurt 'inside', either to themselves or others. That the scars that it leaves behind are a window to the scarred soul. This doesn't exactly fit that either, but it's probably closer. It feels like a need to pare things down to the bone; to uncover; to reveal what is beneath...

Not sure about the gender thing it's not really something I've looked at much.

 

[digger]

I think, cutting is an attempt to get attention, from those around them

Not for me. Attention has always been the absolute last thing I've wanted from it.

 

[keifer]

I'm a guy and every time see my scars, I want cut them out. Not saying, I haven't tried.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It angers me when people are dismissive of those who even partially injure for the attention, as if there are "right" reasons to injure and there are "wrong" reasons to injure. As if those who injure for the "wrong" reasons don't deserve any help.

I've seen this attitude in self injury forums. It angered people that I wanted others to see my pain. How can others not understand that in a world where my pain is invisible, I just wanted others to see it? Maybe then they'd understand the severity of things. Maybe then I wouldn't have to suffer in silence?