Binary, Or Black And White Thinking...

[WillowMarie]

The urban dictionary defines binary thinking as meaning the person thinking rigidly lacks imagination and intelligence...which wasn't very nice to read.

I don't agree with this at all. I have had times where I had black and white thinking, but I tend to be creative and have a wild imagination. I find that my black and white thinking tends to turn on when I feel triggered because of something.

Does anyone have any kind of information or just want to share about their own experiences with binary thinking? I think it would help me to hear other peoples accounts of their own experiences with it, and maybe strategies that therapists have offered as ways of counter acting this symptom?

When my mind starts racing and I can only think one thing and I am aware of it, my therapist told me to imagine a stop sign and to tell myself to stop. I have used it a few times since she has told me to try this, and it basically helps me stop my thought process which can spiral down when I have black and white thinking.

Some examples of my black and white thinking are:

1. If I feel guilty or ashamed of something, I start thinking, I can't tell anyone, they are going to tell me it is my fault and that I should have known better. That I can't trust anyone.

2. If I feel like someone is disappointed in me, I start thinking that I haven't made any progress, or they don't care about me.

3. If I think someone feels that I over reacted or doesn't take my feelings seriously and minimizes them, I start thinking that I can't trust anyone, they don't care about me, no one ever understands me.

I don't know if this is what your black and white thinking is like or not.

He basically said that my thinking was binary here, that I only thought of two main options...either continue taking the drugs to cope or risk destruction by unsupported connection with difficult emotions like rage and anger.

Maybe he is displaying black and white thinking by saying it is weak to take drugs to help cope. I wonder if that includes prescribed prescriptions as well. Just because he disagrees with your opinion does not mean that you are wrong, this may also be because of a person morals and what they believe in. :)

 

[elisabeth]

I actually think there is a pretty significant grey area in many things, so thinking in grey probably isn't such a bad thing.

I also have a very strong moral compass. I never considered that to be symptomatic of ptsd or rigid thinking though...but I guess in a world that is morally corrupt it might seem like we are the odd ones out.

I think you are wise in thinking that way. A little gray may very well be a good thing!

 

[Deleted member 23044]

Honestly his opinion sounds just as binary(I second that other person).

I was going to add, also... that it seems binary thinking is inescapable. We're all stuck in it, no matter what side we defend or stand on. And I was going to add that it's not necessarily a bad thing, either, as long as we're open to allow judgements shift when called for. There have been so many times when I thought I was right in my reasoning/logic only to find out later that I wasn't fully correct and I had to re-adjust myself. In a way debate and critique can help this re-adjusting, if one is not so stubborn as to get stuck in their ways. I am not afraid of change and I long to grow/learn/evolve, even if that means admitting when I'm wrong. But, there are certain subjects that I'll forever be stubborn on... for instance: child abuse is WRONG. Adult abuse is wrong. Racism is wrong. Murder is wrong. Even self-hate is wrong in my eyes. Etc.etc.etc.

Well! I truly enjoyed this thread, thank you for it!

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't see you as having rigid or black and white thinking at all in this example. You used the term "might" in reference to drug use, and you recognize gray areas. That isn't rigid to me. That's being open to various interpretations.

A video saying drugs are only a weakness is a rigid way of looking at them.

I think you are imaginative and open in all your posts here. You are willing to look at how you look at things and consider all sides. You don't block out other ways of seeing.

 

[elisabeth]

What a great thread! I have enjoyed this discussion as well. Very challenging intellectually. Lots to think on!:)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you sure this guy is a good life coach? I think he's steering you astray!

He is the one with the "drugs are bad, mmkay?" attitude and you were the one who said no, some people are better off with them. You=gray, him=black/white.

He is projecting his opinions on you and criticizing you because you don't agree with him. It has nothing to do with binary thinking. You're paying for this service and I'd let him go just for his skewed opinionated thinking. He isn't able to stay objective. You are. Maybe you should be coaching him!!

 

[mamachick]

It sounds like his stance on taking drugs is much more black and white thinking than yours Phillippa. Clearly, we do not all have the same amount of gray area ability to think. I have not generally thought in terms of black and white, which could make me appear wishy washy. The reality is that I have the ability to argue either side of a topic. However, often that moral compass does provide a guide as to the direction that I prefer to take, (but isn't that what makes us unique), as there often is not a right and wrong.

On the topic of the use of drugs, I think there are many variables. There may be circumstances, such as the age at diagnosis and treatment, and treatment available, etc. that need to be considered in the arguement.

Personally, I think he might be the pot calling the kettle black, or projecting this on you. I think its always wise to be introspective, yet and old boyfriend may or may not have been totally honest as well.

 

[Philippa]

Hi Willowmarie, thanks for your reply.

Yes, the example you gave are similar to how I am when I slide into this way of thinking...particularly 3. I start convincing myself that no one cares about me or understands me when they minimize my feelings and don't trust them.

Excellent point about someones opinion not meaning I'm wrong. I was reminding myself of that today on the way to work, after I first read his reply. An opinion is just that...it's what a person thinks. That doesn't mean they are 'right'.

 

[Philippa]

Are you sure this guy is a good life coach? I think he's steering you astray!

Possibly. I haven't had any trouble with him in the past when I've interacted with him, but then, I haven't really challenged anything he's said in the past either, so...

He is the one with the "drugs are bad, mmkay?" attitude and you were the one who said no, some people are better off with them. You=gray, him=black/white.

Right, and I didn't even say that they definitely are better off...I gave my conclusion and then ASKED his opinion on that particular scenario. Thanks for throwing that back at me Solara. It helped clarify things. He did admit that it's possible that some people in that situation may be better off, but then went on to tell me that my thinking was binary for only coming up with two options.

I said to him in my reply that in the scenario of someone with serious childhood abuse not being able to financially afford therapy, that rather than trying to deal with volatile emotions like rage and anger on their own, it may be their only option to suppress them until such time as they are in a better position to see a therapist...which is a realistic scenario for many people I think.

He is projecting his opinions on you and criticizing you because you don't agree with him. It has nothing to do with binary thinking. You're paying for this service and I'd let him go just for his skewed opinionated thinking. He isn't able to stay objective. You are. Maybe you should be coaching him!!

Actually I'm not paying him. He offers free counselling on his you tube vids. But now that you mention it, he is a martial artists, and has been open about his own past abuses in the home. Many martial artists are nutters...and he is british. :D

I don't know. I like him...I'm not paying for his opinions, but he has offered them any way. I do think that there is something to the notion that he may not have liked that I didn't agree with him, and perhaps his own narcissism is showing there? He initially started the you tube site to coach men. It's called SpartanLifecoach...but he did not specify that initially, and many women have also found their way to his site and now follow him because of his likable and amusing videos on narcissism, the black sheep and other interesting topics.

I think it's normal for therapists to project their own stuff onto clients...they are human after all, and all humans project without realizing it. I think it's important to call them out on it when they do though...and I just did in my reply to him, so we'll see how he responds...

 

[Philippa]

and old boyfriend may or may not have been totally honest as well.

Yes, and when I was with him, he was taking a lot of ketamine and saying really ridiculous things like telling me I was yelling at him (I'm a pretty soft spoken person who actually had to consciously learn to project my voice so people could hear me more), and was also abusive at times, so it's probably more likely that it was his own projections.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh well if it's free, just take it all with a grain of salt! Lol.

Black & white thinking isn't simply about only coming up with two solutions to a problem or two answers to a question. It's more about all or nothing thinking like EVERYBODY hates me or I can't do ANYTHING right. Polar opposite, extreme thinking, not simply two answers to a question. Your reply wasn't polarized in the least as far as I can tell because you stated the possibility of some people being better off with drugs. Black/white thinking would be more like "drugs are bad for everybody and make everybody worse off" or just the opposite "drugs make you feel better so everyone benefits from their use".

I know I have polarized thinking but most of the time it's self critical, and full of self hatred. I'm a bit more objective when it comes to other people!

 

[Philippa]

Well, he just got back to me and I was a little surprised by his response.

I asked him if he could pose any other options to the scenario I had given, and his reply was "I could, if we were not talking about a hypothetical situation"?? Um...what?

I replied that it isn't really a hypothetical situation though, as there are some people who really can't afford therapy, and need it. Those people have no other choice until they are able to pay for therapy. I said that even I had been in need of therapy for years and did not have the money to pay for it at many different times. I chose not to escape through drugs at the time, but I didn't judge people who did.