My Sister Masturbates In Our Shared Bed

[digger]

I think, for myself at least, the comments that may have come across as unfriendly may have been the ones that were trying to establish exactly what Elsa was wanting from people in terms of advice relating to PTSD. This is a PTSD forum at the end of the day so I think it was fair to assume initially that this had something to do with PTSD. When Elsa clarified that it didn't, people still responded with advice as well as redirection to other, more appropriate, forums.

I apologise to @Elsa Hardley if my comments came across as unfriendly as that wasn't my intention. I tend to ask short clear questions when I'm not clear on something before responding with a fuller answer, and can see that might not come across so well. I still think that she has received a lot of good advice and different perspectives on her situation here.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Being a staff member doesn't devoid us of an opinion @Philippa . We have our 'staff hat' and our 'member hat'.

I think in the end there are many views of this issue. I also see that the original poster really needs to share her problems with her sister with a professional.

 

[Philippa]

Being a staff member doesn't devoid us of an opinion @Philippa . We have our 'staff hat' and our 'member hat'.

Telling a young girl that her feelings about her sister masturbating next her indicate sexual inhibitions on her part, as though she has hang-ups sexually and there is something wrong with her for finding it disturbing, is just plain rude and assuming and weird, I'm sorry. Yes, everyone is allowed their opinion, but does it really need to be voiced to that degree?

Of course it's disturbing to have your own sister playing with herself right next to you and pretending nothing is happening. That would put a strain on any relationship if it happened regularly.

How would that make you feel if you were 15 and someone said that to you when you reached out for help about an issue that was disturbing you?

Elsa may not be in a financial position to share her problems with her sister with a professional. Many people aren't. A 15 year old girl definitely wouldn't have the funds, and it doesn't sound like she trusts her parents enough to share with them or ask for help. Kinda why she came here I'm guessing.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Anthony opened up this forum to minors. When I voiced my concerns, he said something about how 13 year olds+ can access everything else on the Internet, so there shouldn't be an issue here. I took this to mean that we should treat minors just as we treat everyone else. I'm not saying that we should be rude to her, but at the end of the day this is a PTSD forum and if we point out to adults that perhaps this isn't the best place for them as their situation doesn't sound like PTSD, then the minors should be able to hear it as well.

Most of the adults who stay without a formal diagnosis have exhibited the full range of symptoms and have a trauma that meets the requirements. I don't think it's responsible to pretend this is the best place for her when perhaps she should seek out something more of a place that can help her get out of the trauma. This is a "post" trauma site. She is very much in the middle of her trauma and I think it would be best for her to find something more geared toward those trying to get away from an abusive situation.

But, she is already gone.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

it hurts me deeply because she needs, perhaps, rescue. She is in the trauma. The trauma hasn't happened yet.

Sometimes there is no rescue, when you are a kid and you are subject to your parents and their emotional neglect.

What hurts is the fact that hiding feels like the only option. Getting PTSD instead of rescue.

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm a little disturbed that moderators here are telling this person that she is somehow inhibited sexually because she doesn't like her sister masturbating next to her!

Which moderator told her she was inhibited sexually? As far as I can see, I am the only moderator who posted on this thread prior to your response. So, if you are referring to me, I never said the post starter was inhibited sexually - that is your wrong interpretation.

Trying to make her feel like she has issues with her sexuality because she doesn't like her sister masturbating right next to her is a little weird frankly.

Who did / said that? I certainly didn't say that. I said right from the start, that they should have separate rooms.

Telling a young girl that her feelings about her sister masturbating next her indicate sexual inhibitions on her part, as though she has hang-ups sexually and there is something wrong with her for finding it disturbing, is just plain rude and assuming and weird

I never said that her she was wrong to feel disturbed, but she said she had tried to talk to her sister, and got no where. At no point did I say that the post starter had sexual hang-ups for not accepting her sister's masturbation. Again, I advised separate rooms.

For whatever reason, @Philippa , you have completely misinterpreted what I have said. Maybe I didn't say things in the right way, in which case I would ask you, to ask me to clarify what I have said, before you jump to the wrong conclusion, and use underhand ways to slag me off

I'm a little disturbed that moderators here

Name me, shame me, ask me for clarification - whatever- just don't try to make out that 'moderators' are bad. If you have an issue with something I've said, raise it with me, don't drag my fellow moderators into something that they didn't contribute to.

even after the person has left the conversation

What makes you think she has left the conversation? Just because she hasn't commented, doesn't mean she isn't still reading.

Whatever your opinion of 'staff/moderators' here, we are still members of this community, and either have PTSD, or support someone with PTSD. Sometimes when we post it is about administrative matters, in which case it's pretty obvious. However, we also have opinions, and we are allowed to post our opinions in the same way every other member does. As a member, I offer my opinion, and sometimes my advice. Anyone who reads my posts (including the thread starter), can accept or decline anything I offer regardless of their age, or they can ask me for further clarification, which I will try to answer.

As a moderator, of course, if PTSD isn't mentioned, I'm going to ask questions about that. This forum isn't about helping everyone, it's about helping those who have PTSD in their lives. As a group of people, we have a lot of empathy for other's who are struggling in life, but we need to keep PTSD Forum on topic. If people are seeking help from the wrong place, we owe it to them, to tell them so, and perhaps offer other alternatives.

 

[Barconian]

I believe that Elsa may be in an environment that could cause her to have PTSD if not now, but maybe in the future. It comes across to me that her family are a little different and she probably could use our help... This is only my belief!

It's no good throwing stones at each other to get our point across and we could be more diplomatic about our approach, however, we are all human and have our own ideas and beliefs.

We have moderators to keep the forum on track, otherwise it could easily turn into a shit fight and destroy the whole purpose of this forums existence and they have been given the responsibility to protect it's integrity. Moderators are still human though and can sometimes say or do things which may be debatable, albeit they do still have a big responsibility and need to be respected!

@Philippa I agree with you in much of what you say about Elsa's situation, however @cherryblossom is just trying to do her job as best she can for the good of this forum and also has some very valid points of her own!

 

[Nicolette]

Yes, everyone is allowed their opinion, but does it really need to be voiced to that degree?

You're now trying to force your opinion of an opinion onto others @Philippa - I would tread carefully with pushing your opinion and applying a broad stroke to have a member's individual opinion portrayed as the collective group of moderators; you may find yourself banned from participating in this thread.

 

[Philippa]

You're now trying to force your opinion of an opinion onto others

I'm not forcing anything. I'm giving my opinion. Isn't that allowed? If you read my words carefully, it was a question "Does it really need to be voiced to that degree?" not an imposed opinion. Besides, cherryblossom saw fit to impose her opinion on this girl. Are the rules different for moderators here?

@Philippa - I would tread carefully with pushing your opinion and applying a broad stroke to have a member's individual opinion portrayed as the collective group of moderators; you may find yourself banned from participating in this thread.

You do what you see fit to do nicollete. I won't be fear mongered into being silent when I see someone trying to make a 15 year old girl feel like they are sexually inhibited for feeling disturbed about their sister masturbating in front of her. I'm not afraid of being excluded from this conversation. I've said all I want and need to say.

I also did not in any way say that all moderators have the same opinion as cherryblossom. I may have added the letter 's' onto the word moderator, but I would have thought you'd be able to tell that I was speaking about one person, since only one moderator took part in this conversation, not all moderators.

 

[Philippa]

You are both individuals, and she clearly has less inhibitions than you, which is why you need your own space to grow as individuals.

This is the quote I took issue with cherryblossom. It wasn't aimed at all moderators, and I wasn't saying you were all bad, I just felt a bit disturbed IN THIS THREAD by what I read. I also wasn't 'slagging you off in an underhanded way'. Please show me where I was doing this? I stated quite overtly how I felt about it.

I gave my opinion that I thought it was rude and weird to make a girl feel like there is something wrong with her for feeling disturbed by her sisters behaviour. How am I not allowed to express my opinion, but you are? Just because you don't LIKE my opinion doesn't mean I don't have a right to one.

I have re-read the quote today and perhaps I was not in the best frame of mind and took it the wrong way, but it seemed very much that you were saying to this girl that her sister masturbating next to her is perfectly normal and that she has less inhibitions than the girl does...which, to me, sounded subtly as though you were saying the issue lay with her, that somehow it was her problem and not her sister being inappropriate.

I also read everything else you said, and it made perfect sense. It just really seemed as though you were minimizing her experience and saying that she had hang ups because she didn't feel comfortable with her sister masturbating next to her...which, to me, sounded really weird.

I can see where I may have misinterpreted it though or imposed a certain tone on the statement which wasn't there, and I apologize for that. I was pretty upset myself from hearing about our prime minister deciding to dump tonnes of sludge in pristine coral reef here, so probably was not in the best frame to be participating.

How does speaking up about something I found disturbing equal me saying that all moderators are bad by the way?

 

[Nicolette]

It wasn't aimed at all moderators

I'm a little disturbed that moderators here are telling this person that she is somehow inhibited sexually because she doesn't like her sister masturbating next to her!

Please forgive me for my misunderstanding but I did read plural.

 

[Philippa]

Please forgive me for my misunderstanding but I did read plural.

Yes, and I made a mistake by adding an 's'. Given that only one moderator took part in this thread, I thought you may know I was speaking about only one person. Next time I will be more careful with my spelling.