Flashback Uncertainties

[Luminous Lotus]

Flashbacks are a part of PTSD that still somewhat confuse me. I understand that some of the various sensations I get are considered flashbacks, such as the smell of the hospital room I was in after brain surgery or the cold burning of the IV fluid as though it's entering my veins much like it did years ago. What I don't understand is what seems to be the different form of flashbacks I am, or should be getting.

I've noticed that whenever my PTSD get agitated enough, past the point of me being a little shaky or jumpy, I start getting images flashing before my mind. I react to them emotionally as though I know what they are, but they're going by far too fast for me to actually see them. At one point I actually wound up agitating my PTSD even further and the images seemed to slow down to the point where I could almost make some of them out, but I've never let it get any worse.

I'm pretty sure the flashbacks are trying to show my images of the brain surgery. I know I remember going through the brain surgery, both from my own thoughts/feelings/dreams and the fact that I was only put in a state of twilight for the procedure. I've seen other users here who've blocked out their memories though, and their flashbacks are still crystal clear. What I'm wondering is, is it possible to block memories out to the point that you can't even let yourself remember them through flashbacks?

Granted, most users who's posts I've read seem to be willing to get those memories back. I've not been. I'm terrified of remembering the surgery, although lately I've found myself wondering if I need to in order to overcome the emotions those memories bring me...

Any help or advice you could offer would be great.

 

[ggsparky]

I don't know what a flashback is either. But I remember I smelt skyline and stood there with plate in hand staring at the skyline like it was death. And I got so sad. Tiers came and I held them back but all I can remember was a flash back of my family sitting around the dinner table eating skyline. But I think this is were people are confused. I don't think it was a flash back as much as a sad memory that was so strong I had lost myself in another time and I couldn't stop the image in head but it's not a flashback that I know of....flashbacks are tricky

 

[~Iceheart~]

@ggsparky
Yes, flashbacks are tricky things to interpret, especially in LuminousLotus's case. For what I understand, a flashback is a memory of something that has happened with some sort of relation or tie to the trauma. Whether it is known or acknowledged as a memory by itself (excluding the flashback, so it would be something you remember on it's own), or it is something that is suppressed, it still brings a level of shock and pain to the beholder. It is something that varies from person-to-person, and can't exactly be scaled for this reason.

For LuminousLotus, these memories were part of the core trauma. It was something that their subconscious guarded from them for years. It sounds that it was to an extent where even flashbacks couldn't reach it. An impenetrable memory block. But the reason the mind does that is to protect the victim from an overload, or from simply shattering. In this case, the memories are there, and are fighting to be seen.

@Luminous Lotus:
I do believe that what you saw was flashbacks, just in a different way. It was mostly of physical senses, but still acted on a memory, whether it could be recalled or not. And I believe that your mind has gone to such lengths to protect you up to this point that it did make such a strong block. As for what to do, well, I don't have an answer. You did know that though, I'm sorry.

I know this isn't really advice, more of an explanation. Forgive me. Thanks~

 

[Abstract]

Hi! Some of those with PTSD will never have a flashback. They meet the intrusive criterion with visual intrusive memories, intrusive memories and nightmares of the trauma as well as strong emotional reactions to trauma triggers. The last is commonly known as an emotional flashback.

Apparently full flashbacks where someone is right back there in the trauma are relatively rare. Flashbacks are not memories. They are different to memories because we are inside the trauma and it is happening now.

It seems to me that the visuals you are getting could either be intrusive memories (I tend to call them photos) or they could be proper re living of the event in some way. It makes sense that what you would be seeing may be very unusual during brain surgery but I am no expert.

What I'm wondering is, is it possible to block memories out to the point that you can't even let yourself remember them through flashbacks?

So to answer this - absolutely. It's normal to not remember all of the trauma and flashbacks or intrusive stuff are hit and miss. Some people just have flashbacks other people just have memories and most every possibility in between.

 

[Luminous Lotus]

@Abstract
I'm really late to respond, sorry about that.

So it could be flashbacks if I weren't blocking them, but as it stands they appear to be intrusive memories... Makes sense. Thank you for clearing that up.

I guess I wouldn't really discredit the thought that these intrusive memories would be flashbacks if I allowed myself to experience them in full. I've often noticed that I have trouble seeing what's in front of me or remembering my surroundings at all when the images start flashing across my mind. If I stop to look or to think about it, I know my real surroundings, but it's like I get more and more detached from them the worse it gets.

It makes sense that what you would be seeing may be very unusual during brain surgery

I'm afraid I'm not really sure what you meant by that, but it's certainly gotten me curious. What brought you to think that?

 

[Abstract]

So it could be flashbacks if I weren't blocking them, but as it stands they appear to be intrusive memories

Sorry! I don't think I expressed myself well. You can't see what the images are so it is hard to say what they are. I don't think it's about blocking them. Either you are re living and re experiencing something you saw then or you are seeing a visual intrusion of material related to trauma. The first would be flashback and the second would be an intrusion. for example when I see an image of one of my traumas then it is an intrusive memory and not a flashback. The amount of time something is there for isn't relevant. Flashbacks can be very short or very long. Flashbacks are also always horribly intense emotionally speaking and leave us annihilated after.

But yes, I think we sometimes edge into something more significant.

I have no idea of the details of brain surgery! Totally ignorant. I just wondered if ones brain being worked on could create visual disruptions whilst the surgery happened and if that was the case then you could re live those same visual disruptions or corruptions if that makes sense. Tell me if that is still gobbledygook.