The Tarnished Badge

[BLHutch]

I had a nightmare last night once I finally got to sleep around 2am. Woke up screaming, drenched in sweat. Couldn't go back to sleep. And now I have to leave for class here in about an hour. What a way to start the week.

 

[BLHutch]

The past few days the pain level in my back (and nerve pain in my legs) has been higher than it has been in several months. Not sure exactly why. Very uncomfortable. Hard to go to work. Broke down and emailed my former therapist last night. She said that she would see me at a reduced fee since I can't afford the usual rate. That was very nice of her. Hoping to get in some time next week.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Have you seen a neurosurgeon about your back? When there is numbness, its time to go. Not to be bossy, I'm an ex- ER/ER-OBS nurse who had back surgery and wasn't able to work in that job any more. It was my coping mechanism. I actually went on disability for PTSD, as it was interfering with my job as a case manager too much. The first back surgery didn't help, the second and therapy did help a lot. I've been off from work for 2 years.

I really feel for you. I've seen things too. I second the idea of Pazocin. It really helped my nightmares. I got to the point where I stopped taking it. PTSD triggers back pain, and pain triggers PTSD. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[BLHutch]

I do see a neurosurgeon. He's one of the best in the Houston area. And I also see a pain management doctor once a month. I try to stay away from painkillers as much as possible. Right now I am on 225mg of Lyrica, 10/325 hydrocodone (once a day) and 2mg of tizanidine once a day. My surgeon doesn't want to operate because if he did, he would have to do a 2 level fusion. The level right above that is not quite as bad, but if we did the 2 level he would have to eventually fuse the third. He explained that 2 level fusions are no cakewalk with a very long recovery time and the possibility of more pain than I was in before. So I opted to try and live with it as best I can. He is aware of my PTSD and fully understands. He is a Commander in the Navy Reserves and has done surgical tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, so I know I am in good hands with him. What I like about him is that he is very blunt and tells you exactly how it is. He doesn't sugar coat things and make promises like some doctors do.

My pain management doctor, on the other hand, is a moron. But I only have to see him once a month. I am going to be getting a second round of injections starting in March and those do help quite a bit. For a week or so afterwards I feel 100% normal. It wears off, but man, what a great week! Though sometimes I say inappropriate things when I am coming off the anesthesia they give me before I get the shots. (As in asking the attractive nurse to come home and help take care of me.............in front of my wife.)

I'll check into Pazocin when I see my therapist. She isn't an MD but there is one that she can send people too if they need medication.

And thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I know that back problems seem to be pretty common in the nursing field. At the community college where I teach, a lot of our nursing instructors are instructors because their back issues keep them from working with patients anymore.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Why does he want to fuse? I've had 4 levels done and I'm not fused. I had a Lamiforaminotomy and the 2nd surgery they did the lateral part of the first two I had done, and cleaned out all the scar tissue. I had progressive weakness in both legs, and *ahem* loss of bodily functions. So, I had the two surgeries, and now I am in minimal pain and can no longer ride horses. That was a sad day for me too.

Anyway, I'm glad you are taking care of yourself, and the shots work. I didn't take narcotics for the longest time, then I did until the 2nd surgery, and now I take Naproxen and gabapentin. He is right that you don't want surgery, it really talks a lot out of you.

 

[The Albatross]

BL, chronic pain when coupled with PTSD is a double whammy. My chronic pain levels don't even approach anything like you're back. But both can be managed, eventually. I just wanted to tell you some of us are around who have to deal with both.

Glad your therapist agreed to take you on at a reduced rate and hope you get some relief.

 

[BLHutch]

@DharmaGirl

I am probably not saying this right, but it has something to do with the fact that my disc height at the lower two levels of my spine (L4/5 and L5/S1) are less than half of what they should be. He said that if he went in and tried to do a less invasive procedure that it could speed up the degeneration even more than it already is and thus I would need a fusion anyway at some point. I may be not translating his doctor speak correctly, but I think that is why he said that a fusion is the way to go. It would half to be at both levels since both levels are equally bad. And then the level right above it, the L3/L4 is almost as bad but it is not generating any pain right now as far as they can tell.

@The Albatross

You are certainly correct. It is a double whammy for sure. It is nice to know that there are others here that suffer from both. Although I wouldn't wish chronic pain or PTSD on anyone, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

I see my therapist on Monday at 5. I'll of course report back on how it goes.

 

[The Albatross]

The thing about the proper use of anger is to initiate change. The thing about anger and chronic pain is that it contracts the muscles (stress) and holds it increasing pain. I have found BL, it is easier to initiate change than it is to hold on to the anger.

Just something that popped into my head today about you (and me) and the chronic pain aspect.

 

[BLHutch]

You are right, Albatross. This past week I've been under a lot more stress than usual which I know has something to do with why my pain levels went up quite a bit. My wife gave me a couple of nights worth of massages with my steroid/muscle relaxer cream and that has helped calm things down. Today wasn't exactly a good day, pain wise, but it wasn't as bad as Monday or Tuesday. So I'll take that as a positive thing. You kind of have to take whatever you can get.

 

[BLHutch]

I am happy to report that for two nights running I slept for five straight hours without waking up once.

 

[DharmaGirl]

my disc height at the lower two levels of my spine (L4/5 and L5/S1) are less than half of what they should be

Oh, ouch! I'm so glad the steroid injections work. I'm glad you're sleeping, that helps so much with the PTSD and pain..

 

[BLHutch]

It does. At least until I have to get up! I have three day weekends and I actually find that I am in more pain on the weekends than I am during the week. Part of that may be due to the fact that I don't have anything to actually do on the weekends. Or that I can block the pain out while I am teaching. Unfortunately, I am limited in what activities I can do and so going out and doing anything on the weekends isn't really an option. I can only sit in a car for about thirty minutes. I can't sit down at all without pain (both in my back and in my legs). Depending on the chair, I might be able to sit for 15 minutes or so at the top end. Sometimes it is only 2 minutes.

You don't really think about how often you sit down until you can't do it anymore. I get irritated because there is a doctor in Germany who has been doing multi-level artificial disk replacements for 25 years with very good results. Far better than with fusion surgeries. But the FDA will only approve an ADR for one level. They say there isn't enough "research" to support it for multiple levels. (Meaning, the fusion hardware companies pay them more money than the ADR companies do.) This from the same organization that will push a new medication on the market with little to no research on long term consequences of taking it.

For $30,000 I could fly to Germany and get a brand new back. Of course, the flying part would be difficult. If and when the FDA approves that type of operation in the States, I'll probably be so old that it won't matter anyway.