Supporter Is It Normal To Feel Hopeless, Wife Of Former Marine With Ptsd

[Tinyquin]

Hello to everyone, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I want to know if it's normal to feel hopeless, to get angry and drained when trying to be there for my husband. It's been a little over 4 years of being married and I'm angry. My energy gets depleted and I find myself getting angry over little things. I recently started telling him how I felt when he was dealing with his anxiety, how I wanted to cry and felt helpless. I took too long to share my feelings with him, that I almost seem to have this pent up frustration with him that I NEVER show when he is dealing with his panic. My frustration is let out with stupid little fights. He says all I do is fight and says that we both need to work on our own shortcomings, but then tells me I love to fight. .When I try to tell him his faults (as he points mine out) he can accept some but then denies the rest. He said for the 3 years that he drank heavily (Drinking to the point of passing out, drinking 40 oz in a few gulps before getting home) thathe was not an alcoholic???? Am I crazy or is he in denial of what he was 10 years ago? I just want to know I'm not crazy and how to cope. Thank you all for your time.

 

[24paws]

Tinyquin,

You are not crazy. It took me a long time to share my feelings as well, and that doesn't always make things better.

He needs to get help for his PTSD. There is so much help out there, especially for Veterans. And if he drinks 40 oz in a few gulps before getting home and isn't an alcoholic, I've got ocean front property in Wyoming to sell him.

Regards,

 

[betterlife]

Without knowing more details on what and why he has dysfunction it is hard to give any advice that will help exactly.There are no magic wands. Maybe that is life and you need to laugh at how dumb life is sometimes. I was in the military. I was assaulted and threatened with death from superiors at an early age in the unit I was in. All gf's since then have felt me dissociation, my coldness, my lack of empathy, my pulling away etc..all symptoms of PTSD as I now know, But when it was happening and I was loosing I did not know why I acted out and was destroying what was closest to me. I could not put the abuse to me in relation to the ones I loved and how I treated them. Now I see exactly how it correlates and how I just transferred abuse. It is a fight for me.But I am seeking knowledge. I am seeking health care. I gave up the drugs and booze last year. I eat healthy and go to the gym quite often as a new addiction with positive outcomes. I want to reclaim what is left and live a better life of health which includes knowledge of mental health. Girls and boys in the same room with love in their hearts for each other can be a powerful experience with powerful emotions.

After my last failed gf years ago I took it as a motivating factor to know something is wrong with me and how I deal with situations and how I shut down with stress leading to my therapy I do weekly after more then a decade of needing it fighting the battle hopelessly alone. I once read a relationship book on basically the laws of a good relationship, or what the most successful long lasting, married for 50 plus year couples do. It is work. It is work with great rewards. But that guy your husband and you need to get serious together for it to work. Which means either couple counseling, personal counseling, reading books on the subjects, a getaway together to reconnect on regular basis etc etc etc.

 

[Tinyquin]

"You are not crazy."
Thank you for that.

"He needs to get help for his PTSD. There is so much help out there, especially for
Veterans."

He is getting help and working through it for the last 6 months, it's a start.

"And if he drinks 40 oz in a few gulps before getting home and isn't an alcoholic, I've got ocean front property in Wyoming to sell him."

That made me laugh really loud! He drank like that before we 5 years before we met and right after he got back from combat.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My energy gets depleted and I find myself getting angry over little things

I recently started telling him how I felt when he was dealing with his anxiety, how I wanted to cry and felt helpless. I took too long to share my feelings with him, that I almost seem to have this pent up frustration with him that I NEVER show when he is dealing with his panic

Compassion fatigue and burnout are not uncommon when you are a supporter. You can only suck it up for so long, and bear the brunt of the lashing out before it starts to wear on you.Relationships are two way streets. He has to make an effort to meet your needs too. You cannot be a martyr and deal with his issues constantly and not take care of your own.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Tinyquin,

Welcome to the forum!

There is an entire section for supporters that I believe you will find helpful. Living with PTSD is extremely hard on family members and it is good for you to have some support for yourself, and it probably wouldn't hurt to have your own therapist. Feeling that you cannot deal with issues can lead to a lot of resentment, but keep in mind that you cannot change anyone else, but can only be responsible for your own decisions, perceptions and actions.

If your husband is at a point where he is receptive, couples counseling could also be an option.

Debbie