Sufferer Is Ptsd A Curse Or A Gift?

[Sibhv]

Hi guys, this is a great site!

I won't be using the prefix 'sufferer' because although I have had ptsd years now I only Found out 3 years ago and I am thankful for all the insights I have been given. Thankfully I'm doing good, I was in therapy 3 yrs ago, I had been retraumatised when my abuser turned up as a student in my art class, I did suffer the full effects of PTSD.

For 11 years I have worked in the area of art as therapy but I was critized for my own dark art, now I am proud of it. Proud of my ability to express and not be afraid of who sees my big dark secret. I also find my hyper vigilance intriguing. I know we all have it to some extent but I actually think it's a gift - although I can be very over protective of my children if I sense danger.

Only thing is I've changed - I recently separated from my husband of 9 years because I realised that his outbursts were causing me to feel post traumatic symptoms. He said he will do anything to come back but since he has gone I feel very safe in my own space - yes I have some very hard days but I know it is because I am stronger now and because I have more insight into me.

I am thankful for all your sharing here and someday I would like to work more with people with PTSD because I understand! And my biggest blessing is no more night terrors, nightmares, waking up sweating and screaming with my body feeling like I had ran a 100 miles, I now sleep like a baby - first time ever. Love to you all xx

 

[open eyes]

I'm happy that you've been doing well in therapy & that you were brave enough to leave your husband. I'm proud of you ;)

I was retraumatized as well by seeing my abuser every day at school.

Insight is a great thing to have. Best of luck to you.

 

[arfie]

Every gift has its curse and every curse has its gift. Yin and yang.

I cannot seem to get so far as to be grateful for PTSD, but I am grateful for the insights and compassion it has grown in me, as well as its contribution to my creative expression. Some days I can call it, "Worth the price."

Instrument therapy is one of my favorite gifts from my PTSD. I used to call that "music therapy," but these days that moniker will generate a barrage of YouTube links. Recorded music is lovely, but it is playing musical instruments that allows me the personal expression which consoles and balances me.

 

[Notsowild]

Wow what a great way to look at it. I have PTSD and I'm proud of it. I want to say that to everyone. Okay back to the real world. When I first got PTSD I would say it was a curse. But now that I have been in therapy I feel so much better. I am understanding so much about myself. I am doing CBT with an excellent therapist. I am learning so much. I'm sure I have a ways to go. But I can definetly see the "gift " at the end of the tunnel. Great post

 

[Sibhv]

Wow what a great way to look at it. Great post

Thank you @Notsowild I know it sounds strange but I think it's that I have more awareness because of the ptsd. I know that if I'm having nightmares that something is wrong in my life that I need to look at. I know I'm not like most people that I meet. In fact I think that people with PTSD are two steps ahead probably due to the hyper vigilance and the strong survival instinct. My therapy helped me hugely, I have to say that. I suppose knowing that I have it has explained so much for me and made sense of my life. Perhaps the gift is using what society might perceive as a handicap to your advantage. Wishing you all the best with your cbt.

 

[Sibhv]

Instrument therapy is one of my favorite gifts from my PTSD. I used to call that "music therapy,"

I wish I could play an instrument but when I'm very stressed my ears don't work so well but my eyes make up for it. So I draw, and they are not always pretty pictures. But it works well for me. Do you wonder what you would be like if you never experienced ptsd, would you have found the same love for instrument therapy? I wrote a piece for psychology called 'creativity - a language more powerful than words'. I was never good at talking, still I stutter and fumble on my words but i can talk through drawings same way as you do through your music. ;)

 

[Sibhv]

T

I'm happy that you've been doing well in therapy & that you were brave enough to leave your husband. I'm proud of you ;)
Best of luck to you.

Thank you @openeyes, people think I left because of my ptsd, which is true but not because I'm not thinking straight. I think it's because I have learned to listen to my thoughts and reactions instead of suppressing them. If I feel like running from anything well maybe there's a good reason for it.

It's so horrible being retraumatized, my body would freeze because I couldn't run and my head kept switching back to that time. Trying to keep life together whilst having the full 'invasion' of flashbacks and thoughts was very difficult.

Thank you for your support & best of luck to you too. :)

 

[The Albatross]

About the only good thing I can say about PTSD is that by necessity, I had to find/learn/use tools to manage with and that the extra added bonus of that process was finding out they also work for adversity. I think it might be a stretch for me to think of it as a gift though.

 

[arfie]

@Sibhv
Of course I have wondered what my life would be like without the stuff of my PTSD. I always conclude that the wonder is an exercise in futility. Great art is built from the materials at hand.

I frequently think we need another word for approaches to music. Those recordings are WORK. Double for the videos that go with them. There is more technology than music in making them. I go so far as calling them, "technological accomplishments." I admire them in the spirit which I admire all technology.

I PLAY music. I reserve the right to PLAY with any instrument. Anybody can play. There are measurable differences in recorded tones vs. Live tones. As I PLAY, and/or listen to someone else producing live tones, I feel for where the tones go in my system and what blockages they are hitting. Decreased hearing is one of the many blockages the tones can alert me to. I, too, suffer somatic hearing loss frequently. The goal is not perfection. It is an honest, detailed inventory of what I have to work with on any given day. I then ply the inventory to making this day a work of art. Sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful. It is what it is.

Sounds like you do similarwise with your drawing. For all the images in my head, putting them on paper seems quite beyond me. Still, I find joy in playing with graphic instruments...

p.s. I, too, stutter when I speak. Never when I sing. I literally consider music to be my first language. When my stuttering is out of control, I sing whatever it is I need to communicate.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

It's a beautifully strange gift! Who knew being completely powerless as a child can produce such insight. I believe our minds are more receptive to our environment than most people are willing to acknowledge. I don't fight flashbacks anymore. My mind senses danger before I do. I listen..:)