Sexual Assault Don't Know Who To Talk To

[RaiseYourGlass]

I have been seeing a therapist for quite some time and I really like her but I just can't seem to tell her the details of the abuse. I've tried and I can't find the words and I get panicked. I can feel her staring at me and I don't know what to say. I feel like I need to tell someone or I will explode. But I have no one to tell but my therapist and I can't seem to tell her either. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@RaiseYourGlass

Firstly coming to this forum in itself is a great step if not an easy one.

Here we are as you may have noticed all-but anonymous to each other. We share on the forum what we find difficult to say in words to a therapist. You can write down everything in the Trauma Diary section. I have been here almost a full year now and have found that the people here and the forum in general is a massive help to me.

You will find us in the most a friendly bunch and non-judgemental as many of us will have suffered similar if not almost the same abuses as yourselves and each other.

Massive :hug: if you accept them

Laurie

 

[RaiseYourGlass]

Thanks Laurie.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm trapped in a room with this huge secret and I don't know how to get out, if that makes any sense?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

It makes total sense. You have nothing in here to be ashamed of whatsoever. As sufferers we are all victims of one abuser or another on varying levels.

As you navigate the site and get to know your way around you will become a lot more comfortable sharing your history with people on here you may well never meet.

Laurie

 

[cherryblossom]

@RaiseYourGlass , I had similar problems to you when I first started therapy. I just couldn't say the words out loud. I ended up writing down what had happened, and giving it to my therapist to read. Perhaps you could try the same? Or you could start by telling your therapist how difficult it is for you to talk about it, and would they mind if you wrote it down fro them to read. Or see if they are willing to ask you questions to help get the discussion started.

My therapist was very happy to do this. Some therapists will literally just sit in silence until you speak, which is not very helpful. If your therapist knows it's hard for you to talk, then she should be looking for ways to help you talk, or use other methods to open up discussions.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I had similar problems to you when I first started therapy. I just couldn't say the words out loud. I ended up writing down what had happened, and giving it to my therapist to read

@cherryblossom exactly the same with me. Those scribblings are now the basis of the first 42 years of my life. Currently in the process of being turned into a PTSD Survival book that when Published I intend to give royalties to this Forum for the help it has given me in my recovery from this time last year when I was diagnosed and ultimatelly broke down.

Laurie

 

[bluebird]

Hi, I also think that writing it is possibility - but I guess sometimes it takes really long time to learn to trust somebody enough to be able to speak openly (huh, so many "to"s - hope it makes sense ;) ).

I was able to speak to my T about the details after 10 months of therapy - it simply was the right time to do so.

Perhaps you will find it easier if you start writing your memories without actually letting somebody read what you have written - then posting it here - then letting your T read them - then talking about them? There is no "right way" to share your experiences; do whatever you want to. :)

I uderstand how difficult it is to overcome your feelings of shame and fear - but the shame is not yours to carry; and the fear is not as powerful as it seems.

This forum can be a source of both information and incredible supportive answers from many survivors :) Welcome!

 

[anthony]

If you want to get it out, and that is your goal... then there are many options available to you. Yes, you can post it online here behind anonymity, but if you want real value for your effort, then write it down and send it to your therapist. That way when you go next time, they know and can approach you about it. Even hand it to them on entry and ask them to read it later... for the next session.

 

[Meadowsweet]

When I first shared in therapy, I wrote it down and passed it to my therapist. In time, i progressed to reading the words off the paper. And the more I did it, the more I became able to spek the words without that aid.

It is a gradual process.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I totally agree with Anthony. That is what I did at my Therapists request. I gave it to him and he read it. Left it until the next session and we went over it together. It was one of the best things I ever did.

Laurie

 

[Lucycat]

I had to go into the details for a Police statement, and I found that incredibly difficult. At the time I was taking regular diazepam and temazepam, but was advised by my doctor to take none on the day of the statement so that I was not under the influence of any substances. I made up for it as soon as it was over though!

I was an adult telling the Police about childhood abuse from 40 years previously. I spoke as a child and used the words of a child and was very distressed. I have never repeated those words, although I do have a written copy kept in a sealed envelope should I ever choose to revisit it. I have told my Therapist that I was sexually abused, but have never shared with him or anyone else ( except that Police Officer) the precise details of what took place. It has not been necessary, and I don't think anybody should beat themselves up for not feeling able to. Sure if it is eating you up and you want it out then it is your choice. For me it has been enough to share that I was abused and I don't think people need to know more.