How Do You Find The Words For Difficult Topics?

[xena21]

I have always tried to honour others' choices or needs, or accommodate them, to the exclusion of acknowledging my limitations or nature or realities.

That sounds like me.

I know what you mean. You disregard yourself for others. I had done that too. Its hard to change that about yourself.

Like you said different people have different histories, and a lot can't relate. It's sad when its close family or friends that can't relate to you. It's sad when anyone can't relate, but so many don't relate to us. It's hard to relate to others when we have been so hurt by the human race. At least for me...I have such a hard time building trust with anyone. The only one I have complete trust in is my mom.

Even my therapists I lack trust in. It's sad that the world is so full of evil people. I know there are good ones out there, but when you have been abused its hard to see through the bad ones.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am sorry that is your experience too @xena21 , but am glad you have that relationship with your mom. :tup: :inlove: I miss my mom, even if she might not have understood (I don't know), she would have cared or listened. Though I miss the 'giving' to her, not just the receiving.

Mind you, I have a tendency to disappoint or bother others, or let myself down, or both, so poor choice. Am just not capable, I guess. Not always a trust issue, though that's a battle, just realizing it's not understood. But then why should it be, eh? There's no need to' get it'.

It does bring me to realize, I have heard a lot of people on the forum (myself included) say it became so that we could not 'hide it'. But then I thought, perhaps it's just (subconsciously) giving one's self 'permission' for it to show. I am going to take back that permission. There's really no need to 'be myself', and unfortunately life is easier and better being who or how others can tolerate. I'll just adopt what I do at work. So I guess yes, actually, like work it is necessary to realize one can't trust sharing too much, or it's just best not to. Feels phony to me and probably an empty and useless endeavour, but the alternative is avoiding it, hard to not to. I guess though I can give myself 'permission' to, as it were.

To be honest, I too don't 'get' how others feel not thinking (or feeling) in these terms.

Thanks @xena21 :hug: .

 

[Tinyflame]

Then again, I remember when my mom was very ill in the hospital & tried to stand (walk) & fell; she had worked in hospitals most of her life, & was in her right mind & not non-compliant. When I asked her why she tried to stand, she said she felt so good she thought she could. So the sad part was she overestimated her capacities (like me, I guess), but the good part I thought at the time was at least for a moment she felt capable.

 

[Tinyflame]

Then again, within context my mom had only a day or 2 to live, so that's why it was 'good', that she felt that good I mean. Living in the moment, that is.

But something occurred to me, work is paid. I (no one) in their right mind should put themselves where they are not welcome, nor can't even be themself, or being themself is a negative. And it is the opposite of a feeling of 'home' or being at home.

How foolish of me. No wonder words don't come.

 

[xena21]

There's really no need to 'be myself', and unfortunately life is easier and better being who or how others can tolerate. I'll just adopt what I do at work

I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but it sounds like what I do when I act like the world is a play and I'm a character in it. I play the role that is necessary at that time. For work, I played the work role. I kept my thoughts and feeling focused on work. Then I went home and was able to unwind to the role of my true self, whatever that was. It helped me so much in the military when people were expecting so much from you and yelling at you for such stupid things. I always just pretended I was a character in a play. It helped me so much to get thru that.

Now I still use that technique even out at the store. I practice the shopping character and what they should act like. How are they supposed to interact with the others around them. I'm terrified of people and it helps me so much to get out of my house and into society. There are so many roles you can play. I am only true when I'm by myself or with my Mother, but at least I can get out again.

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually @xena21 I've never thought of it that way specifically, but I guess it's a form of it. Sort of being 'on', if that makes sense. I mean, I don't lie, I am not phony responding to others, I listen to them, but their end result or impression they tell me (among other things) is they figure I'm positive & happy & funny & "don't have the capacity to be depressed". I guess it's all the things you're thinking, or experiencing, or feeling, that you (I) just keep to myself. I say things to cheer them up, or listen to their problems, or talk about pointless things (the dog, a bird, something I read). Not that unusual- comedians are known for it, just the degree to which one does it or the disparity between it & reality is probably what is unusual. To some degree I tune out, I suppose, or cope maladaptively or find myself reckless. But I guess who doesn't at times, eh?

I'm glad that plan works for you. :tup: :hug: Just a thought, have you thought of headphones while shopping, in just one ear? (Apologies if that's not helpful). Or sometimes I break things in to small steps: eg, get across the lot, to the store, to the shopping, through check-out, get out, etc.

 

[xena21]

Just a thought, have you thought of headphones while shopping, in just one ear? (Apologies if that's not helpful). Or sometimes I break things in to small steps: eg, get across the lot, to the store, to the shopping, through check-out, get out, etc.

Thats a god idea. I haven't actually thought of that. I do have headphones. I actually had thought of my next step as being a service dog so I could focus on her, but then people would come up to you and want to talk about your dog so that may not work. The headphones would probably be better.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well people are supposed to let service dogs 'work', you can even put a vest on that says such (Please Do Not Touch Me I Am Working :) ).

Why not consider both @xena21 ? (PS, I say one ear because then there is no fear of being startled, or feeling like you 'could' be- not 'hearing' it coming).

 

[xena21]

Very good ideas! I wouldn't be able to do the service dog thing for a while anyway. I have headphones I could use.

 

[Tanishq]

I am sorry to take few days to get back at you. I was exhausted, I was taking rest. Apologies Junebug. Allow me to get back to your topic, please. :)

I have never lived a 'different' life so I can't say.

Um, no one lives perfect life you know. We all live different life. It's understanding that matters a lot and I can see you are very understanding person.

I end up expecting myself to be 'normal' & beating myself up for what I can't do or can't understand or can't reconcile within myself or simply can't accomplish.

Being hard on yourself, I see. You still can change this and please be gentle to yourselves like you are to me here.

Different people, different histories, different lives, different choices. Maybe not relatable at all.

Yes, no one can relate to everything. Still you can relate to your likeminded people. Right?

Perhaps in future generations there will be more knowledge, or more understanding, or somewhat different perspectives, who knows.

Knowledge is everywhere, if you see. It has been always this way and you can take it as truth.

Junebug, may I ask you one question? You try to work out communication with people. I came to this conclusion because already you have talked about understanding what is there and I see you are trying to understand things around you, so you can talk the way you are wishing/wanting. Am I understanding you?

:hug: Kind hugs if you accept. Don't stop this because you are kind and very thoughtful. This world doesn't have people like you.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Tanishq you are very kind, probably too kind for what I deserve! :notworthy: Thank you for the hugs & same back to you. :hug:

I am not sure I understand the question? :confused:

I don't think there are many people outside of here that understand. That is ok though, but I just don't have the heart to keep telling myself to stay or try or try again to communicate or push through it all in the name of "I just feel this way because of ptsd & therefore keep trying". It feels defeating & demoralizing. If anything, I'd rather 'disappear'! And it's a pain in the rear to others. I thought I 'feared' it but I think it wasn't 'fear' just recognition (accurate).

Hugs to you @Tanishq . I wish you rest & peace. :hug: :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess it seems so maddening & hopeless that I can't seem to accomplish the necessary stuff people seem to do here every day in terms of speaking about this stuff & such, & getting somewhere with (over, or through?) the ptsd. Let alone just the necessary stuff one is supposed to speak of to live a half-decent life, or improve quality of life. Not to mention more so serious decisions that are going to be made, have to be made, because they're pressing & troubling. :(