How Do You Find The Words For Difficult Topics?

[Recovery4Me]

Hey Junebug!
We all have the right to self-defeating, inner critic torturing and our blue periods of self-loathing. :eek: How can we compare what feels good otherwise!:hug: Stuffing it doesn't help us heal. It is anger stuck inside, turned on us (safer) eating us alive. At least you are expressing. Good job!

What worked for me, is the Benjamin Franklin T. Make a big T on a page, excel sheet, whatever and list for every con you say about yourself a pro on the other side. With practice at some point you can elect to reframe the negativity thinking and remap it into a positive.

Examples for myself using Benjamin Franklin T:
Con/* Pro
Old /* Long life

bad speller /*likes spell check

overweight/ *had lots of food available

dirty dishes/* the blessing of eating

dirty house /* lived in

forgetful / *senior moment, human

feeling blue/* opportunity for self nurturing, reaching out


Get it? Cognitive mind mapping can also work in putting things down on paper and circling each little thought. As the thoughts pile up on the paper, connect with a line each one that follows a subject until you have a paragraph. Continue doing this until you discover what you are feeling. Then reframe it as shown above. This exercise was very successful in my classes for movement of their emotions when the students were afraid to express.

By the end of my courses, they would come in everyday to write something positive on my board, for years. Even when they had their degrees they would come back to do this. Positivity is more than a concept, it is a choice. Peace be with you.:)

**This was a close as I could get to doing a T on this forum. I would suggest doing it on paper in your home, until I find out if it is ok to break paragraph structure for teaching. However, I will review the self help videos and find out if there is a better way for down the road.
Thanks.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you, @Recovery4Me , I see! The example is really great, I can do that! Thanks so much! :hug:

Well weird, I have no anger except mostly towards myself sometimes, & I guess the 'positive' to that one would be, 'boy, when I do it I sure do it 'right' & all-inclusive (sic)' :rolleyes: .

It did occur to me, I so despise myself it makes it very difficult for me to live with 'me'.

PS, can I ask for an example (just a short one) on how this works below? (Seems I can 'get it' best that way.) What 'thoughts' am I connecting? Just 'beliefs', or what? I have trouble figuring out what I am feeling, let alone expressing it.

..Cognitive mind mapping can also work in putting things down on paper and circling each little thought. As the thoughts pile up on the paper, connect with a line each one that follows a subject until you have a paragraph. Continue doing this until you discover what you are feeling. Then reframe it as shown above. This exercise was very successful in my classes for movement of their emotions when the students were afraid to express.

PS, how blessed your students were! What gifts you gave them! (And for us here too). :) Thank you. :hug:

Peace be with you too.:) :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, I like the 'spell-check' one, lol. :laugh:

:hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

can I ask for an example (just a short one) on how this works below? (Seems I can 'get it' best that way.) What 'thoughts' am I connecting?

At this time, I have an opportunity to learn how to use our web site better :giggle:to convey Cognitive Mind Mapping as it needs clouds or circles placed around the ideas and then connective lines later. I could try to write it out but that approach seems a little counter-intuitive for free association stream. Hmm, good question!

It is a tool in a learning style and has many variations on the same theme. I have tried to place in web addresses before but they did not take at that time. So I can refer you to general research on the web such as 'Buzzle and Cognitive Mind Mapping' search should produce a little intro of the theory and some instruction.

Also consider if you desire, finding out your learning style. It is important to know what resonates for you in order to learn. There are some free test out there that can assist you in discovery. It is fun and easy. Once you know your learning style, I may be able to offer a tailored approach to guide you into expression.

Have fun! Explore your uniqueness & find wonderment in your-self. Let me know what you discovered about you that is positive, ok? :hug:

Ps...thanks for the kind words by the way. You are a sweetie.

 

[Valentino]

It did occur to me, I so despise myself it makes it very difficult for me to live with 'me'.

The words point towards self-hatred, but for some reason I'm not feeling any of that in your emotional tone.

Just wondering how one finds the words or courage to say difficult things

Courage and self-hatred work against each other.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @Recovery4Me , thank you, I will google it, & follow what they say. That is too much, to tailor anything, but you are very generous to offer. :notworthy: :hug: Oddly enough, I used to have a good brain (technically), but it seemed easy to learn, & I enjoyed it for the most part. Now I can't remember what I ate, or if I ate. :confused:

But I was thinking of something; your first example (to write the 'positive' thought), well if I hadn't seen the example I would not have thought of it in those terms, but rather 'write something personally positive' (which I can't accomplish (yet) ). Perhaps much of what I've tried in the past has involved (unintentionally) not understanding what is asked of me (us)? That has huge implications. Thank you so much @Recovery4Me . :hug:

@Valentino , I have no doubt that "courage and self-hatred work against each other" , I have accomplished more when there is a larger reason to try than solely something that affects me alone.

I don't know much, but probably my largest struggle is against self-hatred. It's probably the largest part of the push towards suicide, the difficulties with things like eating, and the hardest part to accepting anything. I know it contributes to and permeates much, probably the most obvious even to me being the self-destructive push. But I do often think, within the "1st world" at least, that part of self-hatred is a 'luxury' to have. That is, at times of extreme crisis, or conversely in the 3rd World, if one were to be still working in abominable or inhumane conditions until their death, there is no hope to escape it & no thought of anything else, just survival.

I don't know if self-hatred or self-revulsion is the correct term, but I do know it's a markedly different feeling than I have for others. To be honest, even talking about it seems to drive it home more.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think self-hatred is a bit like a scar: reminders of why it's there & that it's there increase it, being busy & indifferent to myself puts the focus elsewhere. The hard part is accepting good things. But receiving good things is a blessing I think, so self-hatred or not I should still be thankful.

 

[Tinyflame]

You know, I was thinking, though it really has to do with your statement @Valentino & not the topic, I really feel I shouldn't have been born. Similarly, I have no real purpose or value to my existence. Not depression but 'feeling'/ cognitive appraisal. I don't know if that's self-hate? I only know it makes it difficult to act 'as if'- as if I have the right to ask, to hope, to exist, to 'expect', to 'whatever'.

 

[Valentino]

Hmm.... Do any of these terms fit?

Self-blame, self-abandonment, self-rejection, self-devalued, self-deception, or self-shamed?

Lack, loss or devoid of meaning? Meaningless? Worthless? Hopeless? Selfless(self-lost)? Pretty much less in all forms?

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess of those @Valentino self-blame, self-rejection, no value (is that self-devalued?), ashamed well sure. I'm not sure what self-abandonment means, one can't get 'away' from themself.

Meaningless & worthless yes, hopefully not self-deception. I don't think it's all sociological, or in comparison to others, it's more my own lack of fit, or self. Self-disgust or self-hatred & self-rejection seem to sum it up.

Anyway, I guess it partly comes from believing other's words, but I don't really want to revisit it at the moment. I guess it's also a belief it's just better I wasn't 'here'.

I did have something kind of cool though, I slept in (didn't mean to but it felt wonderful, 6 1/2 straight hours) but I had a really good dream, in it I was one of 4 people going overseas, and I was a bit scared about it but excited, but in the dream a bunch of people were giving me messages & things to bring to a person there. (And the name kept getting repeated over & over- it's the name of a man but also a hotel I've heard a lot lately- lol. Silly dreams! :laugh: )

But maybe it was also because of what @Recovery4Me had said about dreams. Never earlier but as I aged I thought I would have really loved to be a war correspondent. And I would have been a good candidate, because I am expendable. I don't mean that in a bad way, just without family. And I am used to adapting in poor physical conditions, or without resources or conveniences, and in dangers one can't control. And the real suffering & dangers come for the people who have lived within & know very little else. But I thought- how ironic that I could speak easily of others' stories. And I think that's it, maybe I am better at speaking others' stories and relaying messages between or for them. :)

 

[Valentino]

Self-disgust or self-hatred & self-rejection seem to sum it up.

Difficult if not impossible to find the courage to authentically share from your heart, when your identity is attached to self-disgust.

Do you find this self-disgust identity a heavy burden to carry, something to hide behind as a defense, or as a cover-up invisibility type of cloak? Which of the 3 fits the most?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think I share authentically from my heart, and am honest, unless it's dangerous to do so. Just not usually as regards private details. Except if I think it might help someone.

Mostly it is a burden, but I'd rather describe it as clothes-on-fire-feeling. The 'pressure' or expectation to do something about it.

It doesn't make me invisible, nor something I advertise or would want others to know about. As far as a defence, well yes in so far as having some self-awareness of it I don't want to shoulder anyone who is a decent person with 'me' & the baggage or burdens I carry, or a potential 'ticking time bomb'.

Yikes Valentino, it's ok, no big deal. Thanks.