Forgiveness And Anger

[PureDogs]

Hello!

It have been a while since the last time I came on this forum. I have been doing alright since month of May which was the worst for me but I made it through with one year anniversary.

Unfortunately, another one year is approaching which is this weekend - It is all about the person I went to visit for a week. The person also has PTSD and we end up like each others then at the end, the person intentionally throw me off on curb and ran to someone else without real explanation. The person's explanation are full of excuses and does not satisfy what I would want to know why the person had done to me.

My visitation to this person last year was blast, fun, made me feel like I'm in dreamland and thought the person actually understood what I have went through and understood my PTSD. Do I understand her PTSD? Yes; however, I noticed that the person does not actually show some changes while seeing psychologist then keep on going into same cycle over and over again which triggers this person's PTSD. I tried to encourage the person to get out of drama, negativity and many different idea but the person choose to keep the old cycle.

The person tried to come back to me last winter but I resisted because I don't trust this person. The person asked me for forgivness then I did but I felt anger growing in me. I cut this person off for three months then the person sent me an email accused me of backstabbing her, heard rumors that I went back to my ex, and tells me that the person found someone else and even engaged.

Enough with my talking too much about this - I have difficult time to forgive this person because I felt so angry with the person for what the person had done to me. My flashbacks is coming back and thinking about what we have done when I visited this person.

Yes, I will see my therapist this afternoon and talk about it.

Bottom line: How can I actually forgive and forget? How can I actually forgive without keeping any grudges toward this person? I have thought about write a letter but I don't know if it would be helpful due to this person's grammar is not great like mine.

If you feel that feedback need to be in private - feel free to drop inbox or comment here

**Admin - If this thread is in wrong place, feel free to move this to appropriate thread**

Thanks

 

[xena21]

How can I actually forgive and forget?

I don't think its about forgetting. forgiveness doesn't mean you forget. Forgiveness is for yourself not for them. I don't understand it entirely myself but I know it is two separate things.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think we always can forgive nor do I think it's always necessary. Could you work towards acceptance instead? By that I mean acceptance that you've been mistreated by them, that you can't change what happened, it's impacted you and that you may not ever understand why they did it. You might be able accept they did what they felt they needed to/could cope with at the time without needing to excuse their behaviour or restore the relationship. I also think that forgiveness, if it happens at all, takes time and you just might not be there yet.

Sometimes I think forgiveness is yet another thing for us to burden ourselves with, a stick to beat ourselves with when what we're feeling are very human emotions.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think you must never forget or you will be set up for more abuse by this person. Forgetting is a great mistake many are taught but it is not true at all.

Forgiveness means that you let go of your need for revenge in my opinion.

I think it is more important to get well than to worry and stress about forgiving someone who has not earned your trust.

I think the time comes eventually when the forgiveness happens naturally and it is a gift you give yourself. I think it takes a long time to get to that point.

But I like this saying...Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. It has surely helped me so much in the weaning out of my life unsavory people who do not admit or work on their issues. I have learned they are not safe and healthy people for me to have in my life.

I wish the best for you.