Can Be Cheated On Contribute To Creating Ptsd?

[anon87]

Thank you.

Unfortunately therapy and assessments are not covered period. Not if I had any diagnosis, not if I was referred, and not certainly not if I had any concerns just because thing are difficult. I agree that it's odd and this is a recent development as of this year - just as I was beginning the therapy route. But there will thankfully be more health insurance carriers soon which will give me more options. If I had a job which provided health insurance benefits instead of paying for an individualized plan I would be okay but I don't have that. I really like the suggestion of speaking with a doctor about this though and I can afford to do exactly that.

But with that said the entire reason why I'm here was to look for alternatives. I was -really- hopeful of possibly going to my library and checking out a few books which people have personally recommended if it helped them. Although I am both saddened and disappointed that I cannot be recommended any self-help literature for this situations, I do understand and respect the terms of using this website. There is no longer a purpose of being here in that case. Please either delete all the messages here, my account, or at the very least change the title of the thread. Cheating is not the only issue and I'm ultimately here because of my experiences with violence - not just violence but specifically violence with the very real possibility of death or the threat of death for myself or another. If it weren't for XYZ I would certainly be dead or somebody would have died in front of me. I find myself stuck on this each day and I'm not trying to let that go. I find myself stuck on a lot of things actually and it isn't fun.

I feel bad enough as it is being here despite never being in a war, having a body part blown off, and for a friend serving in the military to recently raise his own concerns about me to be motivated to do something. I ought to be ashamed of myself for all of this. The only assumption I made was that I assumed this was a safe environment which may point me in the right direction to move forward. I'm sorry if that was a poor assumption and I'm especially sorry if my actions lead those who have truly suffered to feel as though I was trivializing their experiences. There's just no excuse for that and believe me when I say it was not my intentions to offend anyone. If it were up to me, I would simply delete all these messages from myself and everybody else if I could.

 

[Dana1010]

anon87, you're fine by me. People don't just wash up on PTSD sites like so much seaweed on the shore. No one can say whether you have PTSD or any variant of it accept a professional, perceptive, empathetic therapist. Not even Anthony.:p

Are you hooked up with the Affordable Healthcare Act/Obamacare? I believe universal mental health coverage was supposed to be one of the goals of the program.

 

[digger]

If you're looking for self help resources @anon87 this thread may be useful https://www.myptsd.com/threads/heal...apist-looking-for-guidance.39242/#post-636655

 

[Hashi]

We can discuss books here, and people do. I don't know if it will work to post a link to a search result:
https://www.myptsd.com/search/9862558/?q=books&o=relevance&c[node]=5
If that doesn't work, just put books into the search field and run a search.

If someone continually recommends the same book or resource in a number of threads that might cross the rules about advertising, that's all. Especially if it's a new member because they haven't yet built up a history on the site.

There's a lot of discussion here about books, techniques and self help. If that would be helpful to you, I hope you'll seek them out and find them useful.

 

[Justmehere]

You are ok with me too. I'm glad you are here and I hope you reconsider and stick around the forums.

I know you are upset about the one post that was deleted, but I hope you don't let that deter you entirely from looking into other options. This is a great group of people here, who are not perfect, but who are willing to take time to put their heads together and help you find some options. Most of us have struggled to find help ourselves, and have learned a few things along the way. If you want to leave the forums because of one deleted post, you are free to do so, but I think you would miss out on some great support and help.

You wrote that you are looking for options, and you have a great proactive spirit. so I'm going to share some ideas with you that might help. I hope you consider them and if you have any questions, please ask. (I'm not the best at explaining things.)

Thank you.
Unfortunately therapy and assessments are not covered period.

If you are in the US, I would like to gently suggest that you actually likely do have coverage - or your insurance company is violating multiple federal laws. (If you are not in the US then what I am going to try to explain about the laws in the US doesn't apply to you.) Because of my old job, I'm more familiar with these rules than most people. Insurance plans can be VERY hard to understand.

If you are in the US, a federal law called the "Mental Health Parity Act" requires ALL insurance plans to cover mental health to the same degree medical issues are covered. For more info, you can check this out: Link Removed As explained on that website, the law requires "health insurance issuers to ensure that financial requirements (such as co-pays, deductibles) and treatment limitations (such as visit limits) applicable to mental health or substance use disorder (MH/SUD) benefits are no more restrictive than the predominant requirements or limitations applied to substantially all medical/surgical benefits." i.e. If your insurance covers ANY medical care, it HAS to cover mental health care, and it has to do so at an EQUAL level. It can not cover medical care and ZERO mental health care. That would be illegal.

Under the Health Care Affordability Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, there are new minimums ALL insurance plans are required to have now. For example, big news that birth control is generally required (with apparently a few exceptions). There is actually a requirement for mental health care to be covered as well, by that law too, at an even higher level than in the past. Or it's an illegal health insurance plan. From http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2013/08/21/affordable-care-act-and-expanding-mental-health-coverage :
"The Affordable Care Act builds on the Mental Health Parity and Addictions Equity Act to expand mental health and substance use disorder benefits and federal parity protections for more than 60 million Americans. New health plans are now required to cover preventive services like depression screenings for adults and behavioral assessments for children at no additional cost. And starting next year, insurance companies will no longer be able to deny health care coverage to anyone because of a pre-existing mental health condition."

This means ALL U.S. health insurance plans must cover mental health screenings at the very least. The law actually further requires much more than screenings, but I won't go into all those details.

Not if I had any diagnosis, not if I was referred, and not certainly not if I had any concerns just because thing are difficult. I agree that it's odd and this is a recent development as of this year - just as I was beginning the therapy route. But there will thankfully be more health insurance carriers soon which will give me more options. If I had a job which provided health insurance benefits instead of paying for an individualized plan I would be okay but I don't have that.

The laws that I cited above apply to ALL insurance plans, group or individualized, and no matter the coverage level. I would suggest calling your insurance company and making sure they are claiming they won't cover any mental health care ever. Insurance policies are hard to understand, and I myself get mixed up about all the details of my own plan.

If your insurance plan doesn't cover ANY mental health care whatsoever, then I would highly suggest calling your local state insurance commission and reporting it to them that tey cover no mental health care. Your local state insurance commission can then step in and require the insurance company to change and cover care. In many states, they act fairly quickly too. You can google "(your state) insurance commission) and find out who they are and how to reach them. This could be one path to getting treatment for what you are struggling with.

I really like the suggestion of speaking with a doctor about this though and I can afford to do exactly that.

I'm glad you are going to take that next step!

But with that said the entire reason why I'm here was to look for alternatives. I was -really- hopeful of possibly going to my library and checking out a few books which people have personally recommended if it helped them. Although I am both saddened and disappointed that I cannot be recommended any self-help literature for this situations, I do understand and respect the terms of using this website.

I think people have not immediately suggested more resources because the initial topic of your thread was if you had PTSD or not. Now we all do understand that you are looking for resources. There are tons of resources suggested on this site all the time. There is a whole thread just about workbooks related to symptoms you are experiencing. There are tons of very good books out there about healing from trauma. (Sharing such suggestions is not against the rules, that’s not why that particular post was deleted. Either way, let’s move on to the goal of getting you the help you were seeking!) Some good options have already been suggested here. I would also add that you could starting a new thread stating that you would like to know of any books or workbooks that can help for the symptoms you are having and I’m sure you will get a lot of suggestions. A new thread with a title like “need book suggestions” means a lot more people will see it fresh and be likely to offer more specific advice to what you are looking for. (It took me a few tries to figure out how to do this myself.)

Please either delete all the messages here, my account, or at the very least change the title of the thread.

I think this is a good thread, and I hope you stick around. All the messages here can not be deleted, that is against forum rules and a lot of people have posted here info that is valuable. It’s a thread that could be helping others too. So I for one am glad you posted and glad that this entire thread will not be deleted. As far as your account, you are able to delete your own account and if you would like staff input on how, you can post in the help desk forum for specific instructions on how to do that (better than I can explain). But again, I really hope you don’t delete your account.

Cheating is not the only issue and I'm ultimately here because of my experiences with violence -

This was not initially understood based on the understandably limited information in your first post. Now it is. We are not the enemy and never were. Even if you were “just” dealing with “just” cheating, no one was mad at you for asking questions. They were trying to help explain what is required to have PTSD. Even then, people were open to the possibility that there were other events beyond the cheating that could be leading to your symptoms… and now everyone, including myself, understand much better in light of the new information you shared.

I feel bad enough as it is being here despite never being in a war, having a body part blown off, and for a friend serving in the military to recently raise his own concerns about me to be motivated to do something. I ought to be ashamed of myself for all of this.

Respectfully, you are dead wrong that you “ought” to be ashamed of yourself for having the struggle that you are. You survived trauma, cheating, so much. You deserve help and you are welcome here as much as anyone else. PTSD or not, no one’s trauma or pain is more or less valid or more or less deserving of help and support than anyone else.

The only assumption I made was that I assumed this was a safe environment which may point me in the right direction to move forward.

It’s the internet, and no where on the internet is fully “safe.” But as online communities go, this one far excels anything else I have found or experienced online.

I'm sorry if that was a poor assumption and I'm especially sorry if my actions lead those who have truly suffered to feel as though I was trivializing their experiences. There's just no excuse for that and believe me when I say it was not my intentions to offend anyone. If it were up to me, I would simply delete all these messages from myself and everybody else if I could.

I don’t think anyone was offended so I’m not sure what you are referring to. Maybe I'm missing the boat on something, but either way, the bottom line remains: you are welcome here to ask about PTSD and symptoms you are experiencing. Lots of people with symptoms who have not been formally diagnosed post here.

Anyhow, I hope some of this information might be helpful for you. I hope you keep applying your proactive spirit towards getting well!


(Edited to fix a typo)

 

[NovemberStar]

I agree with you Solara.
Unless any of you are able to get over the topic of the thread - please do not attempt to contact me in any manner. I hope I'm not being too unreasonable and I appreciate anyone's understanding. I don't want anything further to do with this and I certainly do not want to offend those who have experienced 'real' trauma as you've said.

I don't think anyone has said you haven't suffered 'real' trauma. I think perhaps you might have felt upset when it was said being cheated on does not meet the diagnosis it's criteria for PTSD. I'm not suggesting you 'should' explain what you're underlying trauma is, but I think it would have saved a LOT of misunderstanding and angst if you had been clearer from the beginning that 'being cheated on' wasn't the core issue.

You asked if PTSD can be caused by cheating - you had a bunch of replies explaining why not. I think it was about there on this thread things fell apart when you said you did believe you had PTSD but did not elaborate to say this was due to meeting the criterion A. Again, it did not necessarily require you to give details - but if at that point you had explained y had been victim to other violence in the past, you wouldn't have continued to get what must have felt like an interrogation.

As I explained (as did @Solara and @anthony) it is highly insulting and offensive when people join up on this forum saying they have PTSD due to stubbing their toe / a relationship break up / their pet Hamster dying. None of us would say those things happening are not highly upsetting and can affect people in major life changing ways (ok except for the stubbed toe analogy!), but we are on here because we either witnessed it or were victim of an event where our lives were threatened; where we really thought WE were going to DIE. Events like that not only change a persons life, they change who the person is.

I think in your reply to @Solara above you did realise how an event that is deeply upsetting for someone but NOT life threatening and might be offensive in this context when the person claims they have PTSD.

It's obviously up to you whether or not you post again or seek support. But I do think if you were clearer - or are able to be from this point onwards - I don't think you will experience the angst you have so far. Not everyone goes into specific with regard to their trauma but I think you might find it hard to feel a part of the community and / or get the support you clearly would like, if you remain highly defensive about the nature of your trauma. That said, I think I understand why, given the preceding misunderstanding as to what exactly you were seeking from here.

And I don't think you will be made to feel unwelcome now you have clarified you do have an underlying trauma I hope you can understand why this misunderstanding happened..

 

[Nicolette]

I know you are upset about the one post that was deleted

There are no posts within this thread which have been deleted........

I am rather upset that I did not have the free time to save the now deleted information this morning before leaving to work.

@anon87 what are you referring to please?

you have the perception of a brick.

Please respect everyone's opinions without making your responses to them personal.

I don't think anyone has said you haven't suffered 'real' trauma. I think perhaps you might have felt upset when it was said being cheated on does not meet the diagnosis it's criteria for PTSD. I'm not suggesting you 'should' explain what you're underlying trauma is, but I think it would have saved a LOT of misunderstanding and angst if you had been clearer from the beginning that 'being cheated on' wasn't the core issue.

I agree.

 

[anon87]

I just wanted to drop by and take the time to thank you all again.

Have a good weekend and take care.