Strange Anxiety Response

[shimmerz]

It's a long story that I won't go into but it appears that clowns are a trigger that was actually put in place after the trauma. It was done by a hypnotist that I used shortly after the ex almost killed myself and two of my sons. He was trying to change the picture of what happened that night and he used a clown image of my and my son's abuser.

So I have been 'integrating' back into society (at a local tennis club). It has been challenging to say the least. Probably the hardest part of all of this as it has me very vulnerable. A man who regularly speaks to me was there. He comes from a troubled past and is doing a lot of work as well so conversation comes easily. He does not understand PTSD the way it presents with me.

Anyways, the comment came very innocently as he spoke about how he uses a clown to get himself out of a place of anger. He painted a multi-sensory picture as he verbalized the process that he uses. My response didn't happen until I started to speak of what a clown meant for me. That was a great mistake. I started to cough and could not stop. I felt like I was choking to death. It was so embarrassing. My SO came and saved the day and got me out of there.

I guess my question is, does anyone else have issues other than hyperventilating when having a panic attack? Coughing, yawning, or any other interruption in breathing that is not what most would consider a panic attack style of hyper or hypo type breathing? I am wondering if it hits me so fast that I bypass the normal process of breathing changes that are typical with panic attacks.

Sorry if this is something that others consider an odd question. I am just trying to figure out whether others have experiences that are similar at all as I have found that my physical reactions are so quick and beyond the scope of most - I am just trying to find someone - anyone - that may be able to relate. I feel like an anomaly. Thank you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I hope that helps you feel less alone in that reaction.[DOUBLEPOST=1406038476,1406038347][/DOUBLEPOST]

I guess my question is, does anyone else have issues other than hyperventilating when having a panic attack? Coughing, yawning, or any other interruption in breathing that is not what most would consider a panic attack style of hyper or hypo type breathing?

Yes, I can relate to that. The coughing and yawning panic breathing happens to me sometimes. Two weeks ago, I really felt like I couldn't breathe. I would cough or yawn. I just felt like I couldn't ever get enough air. Even though I was clearly able to breathe. Every time I tried to take a deep breath I would cough like crazy. I thought that there was something actually wrong with me (you know, other than PTSD and panic attacks). It continued a bit through last week. This week I can clearly reflect and say, yep that was a panic attack. For me some of it was crossing over into a flashback but some was panic. So it's not exactly like your situation, but similar.[DOUBLEPOST=1406038538][/DOUBLEPOST]Somehow those got reversed and separated- sorry!

 

[Justmehere]

I cough all the time when doing somatic therapy and working through trauma. It's so weird, and it really embarrassed me at first. I will have sudden coughing fits. Some trauma triggers it, some trauma doesn't. I can get coughing that happens more like a panic attack too. My therapist says it happen a lot for people when working through things. My ENT (ear nose throat) doctor says it's a sign of nerve irritation that can happen with anxiety and stress.

There was one time when I was really triggered by something in a therapy session and I suddenly went from feeling shakey to suddenly yawning. I was so confused and horrified that I suddenly started to yawn in the middle of talking about the death of a friend. She said that yawning is a sign that my parasympathetic system was kicking in to try to bring my clearly high anxiety level of anxiety down. She said that was normal and ok too.

She only treats PTSD and does a lot of somatic therapy, and she has described a lot of things that happen in the body when people get anxious and/or are working through trauma. It's still a strange thing to me.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have asthma attacks and constricted throat where I feel I cannot get air into my lungs. No coughing, but I yawn i think to reset my internal workings.

 

[Chava]

Anxiety can tighten up my throat. I thought I had asthma, but nope, my muscle relaxants help. I've also done quit a bit of coughing and gagging in SE. My panic attacks don't involve much hyper-ventilating...I think part of my trauma is feeling my breathing is under control, so I don't let it get out of control (though I need to breathe into my hands since I don't have perfect control....but I think I'd pass out quickly if I hyperventilated)...my panic comes out in all other ways...cold sweats, super cold or hot, dizziness, nausea, feeling that my head is being squeezed, feeling that I'm falling or spinning, generally very sick feeling. Then there's a separate sort of panic attack which gives me a surge of destructive anger...like waking up at 3am after having had a good massage earlier and wanting to kill myself out of nowhere...really intense adrenaline rush. Now nobody can touch my back...my whole body feels like it will be electrocuted. That is probably really trauma-specific vs more generalized panic symptoms (general SNS stuff). Probably lots of us have a mix of both, where our panic symptoms are similar in many ways because of nervous system activation, and different in relation to specific traumas. This is where I think stuff like SE is helpful.

Anyway, I haven't looked it up, but I assume some SNS activation can cause constriction in the throat, which could lead to coughing. Or the coughing could have some other somatic meaning connected to your trauma. In any case, it's interesting your body was making it very clear that you could not talk about it...

 

[Mystery]

Yes Shimmerz, if I feel anxious I can get a tickle in my throat that feels like their is fluff in there that makes me cough, then I start coughing so hard that I dry wreech. I'm so sorry to hear that you and your children went through what you described. No more to elaborate on for both our sake's except to say, I've been there too.

When I escaped my, also life threatening ex, I used to get the same reaction even 6-7 years later. So just thinking anything about him or saying his name would trigger me into that tickle, cough and dry wreeching. I did realize the connection at the time but had no true understanding that it was the beginning of the obvious injury to my nervous system that was put in place by his actions over a prolonged time. It's now 18 years later and my heart still palpitates when I think of him sometimes, which obviously I try not to do.

I think that the trauma therapist didn't think too carefully before putting that particular image in place, given that you have children and the world is full of McDonald's restaurants. Perhaps too, the guy you were talking to was using so many sensory words that it amplified your trigger.

I think that after a while of being triggered like that and knowing what was doing it, my brain kind of desensitized to the trigger. Bear in mind, I had no idea that I had ptsd then. Neither did I understand anything much in the years after that, when I noticed that I could think of him and didn't seem to have that reaction any more. It started going away as my kids got older and each year that passed, I felt that they were safer and we were safer from his actions.

For me, the trigger became less debilitating the more I was exposed to it, kind of like exposure therapy does. I didn't have any therapy during that time for it either. I'm just relating all this from the benefit of hindsight. What I did notice over time though was that while I was in the crisis, I had very little symptoms, there was just too much surviving to do. It wasn't until the kids and I were relatively safe that certain symptoms started to appear.

Stay in therapy for as long as you can possibly afford, even if it is every three months. That is the best advice I can offer you as a survivor who is 45. I'm only discovering now, that I'm trying to attach again for the first time since then, that I have sustained so much damage, that I had no idea of, until now. Re attaching to a man, all this time later, has brought my nervous system to breaking point. It was fine before that. I didn't do the therapy on a long term basis, now I have to start the journey again.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

EMDR has been successful in some folks. The way I understand it it doesn't substitute triggers it allows your brain to process the original ones in a normal (non panic) fashion. It takes some of the power away from the trigger. I'm sure it's been discussed in the forum somewhere and probably by someone (not me) who actually knows what they are talking about.

I understand it often has very good results.