Trying To Understand Something About My Inner Child

[Springer80]

one who is sad and one who is angry

I think that's interesting I drew three depictions of mine. One external (defensive, scared, fragile), one internal (violated, powerless, cognitively detached) and one truth (numb, mute, terrified).

 

[seedling]

I actually have visualization visits

I do this as well, I find it helps me know where I am at with myself. I also can see the emotional action that is taking place inside myself based on what is going on in my real life.

 

[Springer80]

Sorry @Springer80

It's okay now Seedling. The fact I can even write that sentence says a lot. But thank you. It still is incredibly sad.

 

[seedling]

I figured that's the way it was if you could be so open about it. Still, it was a shock to my heart so it helped to post that.

 

[RussH]

To all of you: @Springer80 @seedling @littlelostchild My heart breaks when I read your stories. I am so sorry you have been so mistreated.
I am thankful that you have all found the forum, and you are able to express yourself here. Just know that you sharing your histories is helping others come to the place where they can share theirs, and that will help them on the road to healing.

 

[Mystery]

Hi RussH, great thread. The first time I met my inner child was in a guided visualization and she was somewhere around 5-6. That's the first impression so it tends to stick with me and I trust it.

Heaps happened to me at this age, so it makes total sense that my subconscious defines my child as not having developed past that age and having the anxious posture and demeanor that I saw on that first impression. It was a real shock actually because the T didn't warn me that I was going to meet her until we got to the door of a house. In some ways I'm glad because I feel like I had a really true impression instead of one that my mind had time to create.

I also have a state in me that is most probably like an inner baby. It's just a curled up foetal numbing thing that has no words just total isolation from nurture.

 

[Springer80]

that has no words just total isolation from nurture.

See that's interesting, because my 5 year old which is a phase a worked through now by the way, used to have one sentence, 'I want my Daddy.' I couldn't elaborate on it any more and it would just repeat in me over and over again.

It confused and repulsed me for long time. But I wasn't abused as a five year old. I didn't call my father Daddy when I was twelve and the abuse started.

I think it definitely is related to traumatically arrested attachment to nurture. You are literally too petrified to articulate it. The risk of needing is too great.

I came to understand that that sentence didn't reflect the father I had but the Daddy I needed. The archetype, the receiver for the purest love and trust I felt. The person who I could give that too so it wasn't held inside me.

 

[RussH]

I don't know if my inner child really exist, or if this is just a way my mind understands it. My inner child does not talk, does not interact with me, interupt me or disrupt me; I just know he is there waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

I can feel his hurt, his confusion, and I know that he is isolating and hiding, I just don't know how to reach him, or help him, so he waits, and I feel helpless in my inability to reach him or save him.

Again, the origin of post deals with the age of my inner child. I am just not sure why I picture him so young, 4-8, when I broke at the age of 14.

 

[Mystery]

I think it definitely is related to traumatically arrested attachment to nurture. You are literally too petrified to articulate it. The risk of needing is too great.

Yeah, I think that's exactly what it is. Everything that is less than 100 percent nurturing at that stage of development is experienced as traumatic and life threatening. So then too, does asking for what you need. Double Bind.

 

[Mystery]

RussH, have you ever done guided imagery to access your subconscious?

 

[RussH]

@Mystery I have not looked into it, but I will do some research about it.

 

[Springer80]

I don't know if my inner child really exist, or if this is just a way my mind understands it.

Same thing!!!