Anger!!

[Tiger]

I have never really experienced being so angry about my past as I have felt recently!! The event of my birthday has triggered so much anger to explode inside me!! I don't know how to cope with it! I feel like I could actually hurt someone, badly!! I'm not an aggressive person and I tend to internalise my anger because I can normally rationalise my urge to inflict pain on others by telling myself that I will get into serious trouble if I did that, but not if I hurt myself!! It's just that right now I think I should stay on my own because I feel like I could seriously hurt someone, I am so angry, probably more than angry!! I am frightened by this!! I have tried so hard not to allow myself to have this intense emotion, but for some reason It's got me this time! I'm not a small person and I might have the ability to cause harm if I lost control of myself!! I am fighting it, but it's such a powerful emotion that I don't know much about!! Or how to dampen it?? I am in no way threatening anything, I am trying to explain this!! And trying to reach out to anyone who may be able to help me??

 

[GWhizz]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anything you may be able to do that normally helps ground you or allay your anger?

Can you call a friend or a helpline? Can you go out and do something to distract yourself without feeling a danger to yourself or others? Can you treat yourself to something nice that usually makes you feel better?

If not, please please go to the emergency department or call an on-call gp service. Don't try to do this alone. I find my mind gets the best of me (or really the worst of me) when I try to do it alone

 

[Friday]

I do that. Not include myself in the "someone" list, so while I'll take steps to keep others safe, I can forget to take steps to keep myself safe.

If you're used to subverting panic attacks, know that rage attacks can be dealt with in much the same way. Centering, grounding, movement, et al.

Also, one extraordinarily effective stop-gap is cold water. Literally cooling off. Cold showers. Not a particularly fun way, and not the best idea long term for anger management, but there have been many times where I've just had to walk fully clothed into the shower and turn on the tap and just stand there dripping and furious, until I do actually cool off.

 

[joeylittle]

I've just had to walk fully clothed into the shower and turn on the tap and just stand there dripping and furious, until I do actually cool off.

I do this, but for dealing with self-harm urges. Makes a mess but definitely does the trick.
@Tiger, can you get out for some vigorous exercise? That can be a good way to burn off the rage.
And I second the cold shower idea. You can even try just sticking your head under a faucet of cold water.

 

[Dana1010]

I have rage attacks too, but mine are more targeted, I think. I don't want to hurt "someone" - I know exactly who it is I want to hurt and luckily for them (and for me, I guess) I don't know where in the world they are. When it comes to random people on the street, I'm more just massively annoyed by them, and I want them out of my sight.

I jog - sometimes that helps to burn off the excess energy. I've been thinking about getting a punching bag too. Do you meditate? What grounding methods are you using now? You sound like you might need more of a discharge as opposed to just grounding. Have you tried journaling or writing a letter to the person you're angry with about all the things you despise about them? (You don't send it, of course.) Lately if I go in private and relax my body as much as possible and just pay attention to it (not the memories or the story), it will start "talking to me", i.e, shaking, jerking, flailing, etc. After a round of that, I find I feel much calmer.

 

[Tiger]

Thanks for all of your ideas!! I just get frightened that I am going to be like someone that I have been petrified of my whole life!! I would hate myself even more than I already do, if people were that scared of me!! I couldn't bear the thought of it!! I sometimes feel that I might one day loose my cool? I have suppressed so many emotions over the years, I am bound to blow one day! I hope I can turn it on myself before I get myself into to many difficulties!! I am sorry if this is out of order, but if anyone can offer some advice I would appreciate it!! It's seriously effecting my life at the moment because I have been trying to keep a distance from everybody to keep everyone safe!! Safe from me!! :mad::nailbiting::bag: sorry about this, I truly am!!

 

[Philippa]

I can totally understand that Tiger. I know my parents are scared of me...and that is a terrible feeling, though I don't actually let myself feel how bad it does feel. I tend to stuff it down, which isn't healthy I know...or real of me.

I've got so much anger in me as well. It doesn't seem to matter what I do to get it out of me...and I've done a lot of different things over the years...everything from screaming, screaming into pillows, punching pillows, kicking punching bags in shops, riding my bike to exorcise it, writing letters and burning them...and still there is so much there? I'm starting boxing with a friend soon. She's from Serbia and anger is just in her blood. 1000 years of war in her ancestors psyche will do that to a person.

I wish I could offer more that is helpful. I think I have done the same...distance myself to protect everyone from me...whilst at the same time protecting myself from them as well (my parents and brothers).

You're not alone.