Scared To Hurt Others.

[macbeth]

I am not sure if this makes sense but I was told when I left my abuser that I may be at risk of abusing others. (So called experts.) They told me that if I am hurting and feeling anger, depression. etc that I am at risk of hurting others. I have been hurt and shudder at the thought at hurting someone.

My question to other sufferers of PTSD is that do you fear hurting others?? Honest answers more than appreciated.

 

[Bookoffee]

I am. I was sexually abused as a young child and I acted it out on children of the same age of me. I fear that I will hurt more children. I didn't allow myself around young children for almost a decade. Now I am so awkward around them.

 

[Tanishq]

Yes, I understand what you are saying.

As for myself, I don't carry any intention to hurt others emotionally. It's not in me.

It seems those people think you can hurt others if you are not at your best. I think, if they are getting hurt with you for no reason then they are the ones who has issues, not you. I have experienced this before when I was kid. I was not able to follow their lead, they told me they are hurt my behavior. Today I think how come? Is kid supposed to be a people pleaser? I even didn't know what were their expectation? I only remember I was feeling heavy pressure of their expectations from me.

Mature people understand what you are going through. They make peace with it, but I cringe for those who are not.

From what I have known you here, I don't think you can hurt others. You seem to be very careful, you take your actions into account, carefully do self analyzing. This is very good of you. Please, I request you kindly don't listen to them. It seems they don't have any good reason to backup their statements either. Totally baseless information there.

If someone puts any intention to hurt other emotionally/physically, deliberately then that is harm. If you have any issues or not. If you don't have any malice intentions, then you are good soul. Not like those bad ones.

I am feeling those so called experts are not able to validate you either. I am sorry you had this experience with them.

 

[WillyKat]

I have to admit that on those occasions when I'm really angry--not as often over the past year--I felt a fear that I wouldn't be able to contain it. It felt like *I* wasn't in total control. Sometimes I got so afraid of that lack of control I'd cry at the same time I was afraid.

 

[sixktransfer]

I am a Domestic Violence Survivor and when I was in my first healthy relationship, I began attacking my Secondary Survivor/husband
.
During floods of flashbacks, I attempted to make him feel like me, in a strange attempt to divert my pain and gain empathy.
I was also acing out my own physical abuse in a safe environment. I wanted him to what know what they did to me.

The threat of violence by Survivor is like PTSD itself, it comes in waves. So the longer you feel safe the better your chances to reverse
your tendency.

It is important to recognize the behavior as soon as it begins and self evaluation will be key to staying safe.

First develop a plan to minimize damages and modify behaviors. Prevention is another component to consider.

take actions to avoid the feelings that evoke the abusive response in you in the first place.

.Being ignored or my perception of so --is a trigger for me.

When my S/S arrives home from work we take a full half hour alone before engaging in conversation . -. The truth is he loves me and is just distracted and tired after a long day.

By giving him to time get settled and relaxed, I get his total attention and nobody gets hurt.

I also told my doctor when I noticed this "fighters rage": ---- 0-100 kind of anger. I understand how a person feels when they think that they might be an abuser.

I am 100 percent sure you are not an Abuser. The fact that you are worried about your strong reactions and the possibility of hurting others proves that you are a traumatized person only, not an abuser. Abusers don't question how they effect others, they lack the capacity.

On last thing, you should have an mental health advanced directive-in case you have an do have an episode that could look like DV.
If you have one it is likely that you will go to the hospital instead of Jail. -you wont get your meds there!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[arfie]

I am terrified of it. The best remedy I have found for that terror is Step 10 of the Alanon 12 steps. "Continued to take personal inventory and we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

The most recent incarnation of this fear surfaces as I listen to or read the dialogues about "The Abuser." These dialogues seem to summarize everybody in either/or. Either you are An Abuser or you are not. Judgment complete. I am human. I make mistakes. My illness has caused me to lash out in mean and irrational ways. Worse, I am a mother. Guess I know where my label hangs.

I try not to let myself be affected by these simplistic logics, but fear is not a rational emotion. Is "rational emotion" an oxymoron?

 

[Weremonks]

Only some of the time I'm afraid of hurting others. With the medication I'm on, my mood has stabilized quite a bit in the past year and a half, but that doesn't mean I don't still get extremely enraged or extremely depressed and stuff. From my perspectives, being a victim of great trauma has two affects on your psyche. The first is that you become deeply empathetic and care for others tremendously. For most people this is a natural thing. The second thing that happens is the smaller part of you wants everyone to hurt like you did, to experience what you've experienced, feel what you felt. For me I know both parts exsist, and I hate the latter part of me. Being a rape victim it's more than a little repulsive knowing you can get aroused from putting someone in your position. I'd never act like that (I'd hope), but knowing that part of me is there is a little more than frightening.

 

[risingsun]

I have been hurt and shudder at the thought at hurting someone.

I also shudder at the thought of hurting others. For me, its more like, I haven't wanted to hurt all the people who have lashed at me, bullied me, etc. I fear going against them (i.e. reporting them at work or saying how I truly feel) because I have been traumatized and don't want anyone else to suffer in a similar way. I struggle with that because I do have compassion for humankind.

As for hurting others unknowingly due to PTSD, Yes I fear that. At home, I fear that my anger at times has been hurtful, I fear that my sadness has brought those I love "down," I fear that being stuck in the past has prevented me from living in the present with those that are there for me.

I fear far too often and sometimes I feel overtaken by it. I am trying to live in the present and not look to the past nor the future. I want to enjoy life without fear. It is a daily act of faith I suppose to be able to live like that. I'm working on it. Warmest, Rising

 

[GWhizz]

This is a constant fear of mine. Though when I tell my T I'm hurting (I mean hurting with my suicidal ideation etc) my significant other etc she always rationalizes it for me and tells me I'm not, that I need some leeway after everything I've been through. I don't really tend to agree.

 

[Sunshine_and_hope]

Hi huni....
When I left an abusive partner (Lin before I ended up with a PTSD diagnosis) I got very angry quite easily especially if I felt backed into a corner or where my parenting came into question.
The way I understand it is sometimes when feel like youve been useless at protecting yourself (or children) you can become the opposite as a means of staying I. Control. This is because the only way we know how to resolve conflict is to be angry, if your really worried maybe talk about a specific session of conflict resolution with your T as having the tools to be assertive without aggression will protect you from losing your temper. Learning self confidence isn't just about feeling attractive it is about feeling empowered and assertive and equipt with the skills you need I function successfully on an emotional Level. Good luck xxx

 

[macbeth]

Thank you all for being so open and honest. It has been an issue I have been reluctant to bring up but you guys always make it a bit easier. :hug:s for all!!!

 

[macbeth]

Just to clarify, my counsellor at the time was making me aware of the fact that when we are hurting we can inadvertently hurt others. She was not suggesting that I may become abusive myself, just to be aware of strong feelings etc. I apologize if I worded my earlier post incorrectly.