Sufferer At The End Of My Tether

[VanZan]

Just joined up. I'm angry with myself at the moment. I lost my temper with some kids that were making loads of noise all day yesterday. I think I wasn't in the best of moods. The thing is I live in a rough neighbourhood and their parents weren't best pleased. I didn't hurt them or shout at them but I did follow a few of them to see where they were living in order to talk to their parents. One of the children got frightened and started crying and all hell broke loose. The father even accused me of child molestation! I fear recriminations from them like a brick through a window. I say angry with myself as this keeps happening....if I see misbehavior or someone not following the rules then it's like a red rag to a bull. At school when I saw people getting bullied and start telling the bullies off. Not a good idea when they're twice as big and tough. Why can't I just do what everyone else does and keep out of it? Sigh I fear this habit will be fatal for me.

Previously I've also had the law at my front door over emails and messages I've sent to people. Of course it's been years and years for them but I keep reliving the experiences. One of the drawbacks of this wonderful world wide web is that when I'm in a dark place it's all too easy to do something rash and impulsive. Then, like now, I spend the next two weeks in a horrible purgatory of regret and fear of the consequences. Watching the door and the window and feeling stupid for putting myself at risk.

Anyway I am a 37 yr old male. I've had PTSD a very long time. I'm currently taking a cocktail of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. I got counselling some years back but I feel that I did not really give it a chance. I just liked having someone kind to talk to but when she suggested things like joining a dance class or learning self defence I just wanted to run home to my safe computer. I got a relaxation tape from the counselor but I never use it. I tried it initially but I just found myself lying there very bored and unable to keep my concentration.

OK I think I've said enough....lazily I only read on other "introduction" post so I hope I'm not creating more trouble for myself!

 

[BlueOrange]

I have difficulty staying in between the lines when I think someone is being victimized.

Have you ever tried assertiveness training?

Welcome to the forum.

 

[VanZan]

My counsellor had a small group course on it. Again, and I'm ashamed to say it, it just seemed like self help nonsense.

 

[scout86]

Welcome! I don't think you've managed to get yourself in trouble here......yet? (Don't worry, the moderators will let you know, if that happens!)

I guess I think feeling the need to stick up for people is kind of cool and I'm not so sure that's an area where you have to aspire to being like "most people".

I got counselling some years back but I feel that I did not really give it a chance

If you think that, you're probably right. Maybe you should give it another try.

Meanwhile, welcome to the forum. I hope your experiences here are all good ones!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. I've learned that if you do anything which challenges a parents authority, or parenting style, or anything to do with their children, then out come the claws and they get VERY defensive, even if you're trying to be helpful. (I'm not saying this is true of all parents, so any parent who is reading this, try not to get defensive!) Its sort of sad as many parents are more permissive of bad behavior these days and defend their kids bad behavior because nobody else has a right to tell them what to do. (So sad, as I was raised as to know not to misbehave in public, and if I did, there were consequences for my behavior.)

 

[VanZan]

Thank you for the compassionate replies...I feel a little better.

Have you ever tried assertiveness training?

I went back over the scant hand-outs that were given to me at the time. We were taught "Even Fish Need Confidence" as a way of remember assertion is "Explain Feeling Needs Consequences". It just seems rather poor and the counselling/course were free so maybe that is a clue. Yeah I took nothing from it really....the CBT, the assertiveness and the relaxation. They just all seem such a chore! I'll check if there's a proper "assertiveness" course in my area.

 

[intothelight]

@VanZan Welcome to the forum!

I think as you will read there are a lot of people that struggle with the PTSD anger. It is fast and furious and at times not the best choice. There are a lot of techniques that you may find helpful and one thing I have done when I am tempted to "tell it like it is" is that I will write, but I allow myself a day before I send. It doesn't always mean that it doesn't get sent, but many times I reword so that my point is made without causing a backlash. The old "fight" response is at times hard to reign in but it can be done with practice.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome, @VanZan! I hope you find the forum to be a really useful place. And this:

the CBT, the assertiveness and the relaxation. They just all seem such a chore!

Is really true for many of us, I think - at least, it is for me. It's work, and it can get really tedious. But honestly, when you just keep at it, it starts to become automatic. Also, as with all things: take what works for you and leave the rest.

 

[BlueOrange]

It took me quite a while before I was willing to try things that offended my instincts. The thing I came to appreciate is that my instincts were often wrong - they were built to survive my childhood environment, which really was the world in general.

It sounds like you're willing to give things a chance, and it took me a long time to reach that point.