Consumed By Sadistic Fantasies Regarding Cops

[Ed Norton]

They ruined my life. I've been having constant sadistic fantasies regarding cops. I've been enjoying stories about them getting killed. I want to see them writhing on the ground in severe pain shitting themselves and squealing. I don't see them as humans I just see them as evil pigs. I hate police. I'm not a sociopath. Does anyone else have sadistic fantasies regarding their attackers? What would you like to see happen to them?

My T talks about all this anger being counterproductive but I can't shed it. I can't let it go and lately it's consuming me. How do others here cope with their anger? Don't just tell me to let it go. I am looking for advice on how to manage it.

 

[Kefira]

Are you really looking for ways to mange your anger? You first ask for validation of you "sadistic fantasies" and fuel for your own rage and that of others by asking other people for their similar thoughts. Asking for support knowing others experience these feelings is rather different in character from asking for specific ideations in my opinion. Personally I will not be a part of that line of discussion.

As far as management much of what works for other symptoms: grounding methods, deep breathing, exercise, healthy distractions. I find meditation quite useful in general and it has a lot of benefits for me.

You could always look for anger management classes to hopefully get more personalized techniques or at least a plethora of coping mechanisms with some built in support.

 

[joeylittle]

My T talks about all this anger being counterproductive but I can't shed it. I can't let it go and lately it's consuming me. How do others here cope with their anger? Don't just tell me to let it go. I am looking for advice on how to manage it.

• Develop a strong mindfulness practice with daily meditation
• Hard, hard exercise - stuff that will wear you out, cardio-wise.
• DBT
• Discipline. When your mind wants to wander into any territory that sparks anger, you need to consciously re-direct your attention elsewhere, and then really stay present in that place you re-directed to.
• Control and limit triggers to the best of your ability.
• Eliminate stimulants from your diet, esp. caffeine and sugar
• no alcohol, no recreational drugs. Anything that lowers inhibition is going to pretty much make it impossible to manage extreme emotion.

Basically, you are looking to interrupt the anger response before it has a chance to flare, cultivate a way of being that does not depend on anger for energy, and be very strict with yourself. And the end result of all this is actually "letting it go".

Anyway, that's what I think.

 

[jmni]

You have to realize that your sadistic fantasies are based on fear and betrayal. Although it may be difficult, cops are just people too. Not all cops are cruel are psychotic, and if you beleive that you will put yourself at risk.

 

[Friday]

I am looking for advice on how to manage it.

One thing is to narrow your field.

Hating cops is no different from hating black people, hating men, hating Jews, hating immigrants... And you can see if you follow your thoughts, what generalizing can do. It creates the KKK, people in trucks along the border shooting little kids in the desert... Terrible things.

It's a common thing to do... Taking your fear/hatred of one person or a small group of people and making it less scary, but dehumanizing them, by looking at the group they belong to... Instead of themselves as individuals. A group isn't scary in and of itself. It's easy to hate a group. To justify being afraid of a group. To fuel that fire from a safe distance.

How to manage it?

Start small. Find one cop, just one, that you like. Doesn't have to be in person. It can be a story in the newspaper, a historical figure. Doesn't matter. Just one. That you respect. Then find more. Find the good things they do as a group. A small group to a large one. As smaller group inside of a larger one. Humanize them.

And if you can't? Replace them. Pick another group to 'hate', too. Latinos, maybe. Or Hippies. Or Stamp Collectors. Men with hats & beards. Doesn't matter which. Any other group on the planet that you have no feeling towards. Every time you start to fantasize about hurting a cop, replace it with Abeula, or 6yo Moonbeam, or Stamp-Chick, or Beard-Guy. It'll make your brain kind of freeze up and start to twitch.

It doesn't matter what group you're taking about: race, religion, sex, creed, occupation, hobby.... There will be some sick f*cks in it. That do terrible things. Whether it's kindergarten teachers or gangbangers. There will also be incredibly kind and brave people in that group. Most will run sort of in the middle. It's when you lump them all together, dehumanize them, that it starts getting... Where you are right now. Rage.

 

[Ed Norton]

Thank you all for replying to me...This type of advice is exactly what I am looking for.

I do think that it is fear driving much of this. Between exposure therapy and all of the police brutality stories that have been coming up. I finally feel the anger. In the past I have had it well surpressed. It was hidden behind fear and anxiety. I really wanted a sufferer's perspective.it's hard for me to listen to people who don't have PTSD talk about these issues. I will put it in to practice...,@FridayJones is lieutenant Colombo a good start?

@Kefira I admit that I wanted to hear what others think about their attackers, mainly because I feel a little bit guilty about these thoughts...I wanted to know if I'm the only one who has these thoughts

 

[J_trustno1]

@Ed Norton : I'm really sorry that you going through a rough patch right now. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I also want the worst as possible life or death for my abusers but this is all that fear and anger which we couldn't let out at the time we were being victimized. I am always dwelling on the past and the hate I have for my abusers. Sadly, I have been told that it requires a long term therapy, mindfulness, and you feeling safe in your environment before you can process this trauma. I wish there were shortcuts but sadly there aren't any. I wish you the very best in your healing. :hug:s

 

[Ed Norton]

I know that you can relate to me Jess. I was doing better with the therapy then all of a sudden I got hit
with this horrible rage. I have been making haphazard attempts at mindfulness. Last Friday I was walking by the beach and taking it all in. Thanks for your reply :hug:s

 

[J_trustno1]

@Ed Norton : I can understand Ed. All you need is one little trigger and you shoot off to the edge. I haven't done mindfulness in the last 3 weeks and you have already seen my irritation and rage on the forum. I think it is a matter of calming your mind and starting the process again. I know it may sound tedious but you gotta be kind to yourself because what has happened was not your fault and you are a brilliant person and a great friend with great morals and values. You know I really missed you but then I thought you were taking some time off from the chat and forum. Feel free to PM whenever you want an ear to listen to :hug:s

 

[whserenitynluv]

• Develop a strong mindfulness practice with daily meditation
• Hard, hard exercise - stuff that will wear you out, cardio-wise.
• DBT
• Discipline. When your mind wants to wander into any territory that sparks anger, you need to consciously re-direct your attention elsewhere, and then really stay present in that place you re-directed to.
• Control and limit triggers to the best of your ability.
• Eliminate stimulants from your diet, esp. caffeine and sugar
• no alcohol, no recreational drugs. Anything that lowers inhibition is going to pretty much make it impossible to manage extreme emotion.

Basically, you are looking to interrupt the anger response before it has a chance to flare, cultivate a way of being that does not depend on anger for energy, and be very strict with yourself. And the end result of all this is actually "letting it go".

Anyway, that's what I think.

I love this advice Ty

 

[Philippa]

I actually think having sadistic fantasies of revenge can be helpful towards healing in a certain way...as long as they stay in your head and you don't act on them.

I know that I was having very violent fantasies of what I wanted to happen to the guy who raped me, and as well as one woman who really f*cked with me after that. It is something rape counsellors say to their clients that can be a helpful way to discharge the rage and anger in a way that doesn't actually hurt anyone.

Maybe one thing you could also do is not feed it, like say by participating in pages or groups that get together and diss cops or talk about how much they hate cops. Whilst it can feel good and righteous to be among others who share your sentiments, if it is your goal to overcome these feelings, then feeding them with more fodder probably isn't the best way to reach that goal.

 

[RussH]

@Ed Norton is there legal recourse you can take against the police that abused you?
The sugestion of @FridayJones is an excellent suggestion; removing the predjudice of the whole group and finding good individuals within the group.

I worked in EMS for nine years, and as such I had a great deal of contact with law enforcement at the local, county, and state level. I found the LEOS that I had contact with to be good, solid, professional people doing a very difficult job. They see people at their worst, and frequently they, the police, are subjected to all manner of verbal abuse, and yet maintain a professional decorum as they go about doing their jobs.

I know there are some bad cops out there, but the vast majority of them are working the streets to have a positive impact on their fellow man.

I truly hope you are able to successfully deal with the anger you are experiencing, and find your healing from ptsd.