Finally Have A Consultation With Therapist

[Polly Sue]

It's tomorrow, to see if she diagnoses me with ptsd. I'm kind of depressed to talk about it with her. I wrote down the things I wanted to say and it's just brought up a lot of self esteem issues from adolescence. Meanwhile I'm having these emotional flashbacks of regret, fear and guilt that this ever happened,. At first I was really excited because I was hoping she'd be able to help me. She says 80% of her clients show ptsd symptoms, and her qualifications list that she specializes in self esteem issues, unresolved childhood issues, anxiety, depression and ptsd therapy, but it also sounds like she deals with a lot of transgendered people, which isn't my issue at all. I'm worried that it'll be some kind of counseling for self esteem. Normally I do have plenty of self esteem, but right now I'm at a point where I'm reliving my past at a time when I had very little self esteem. I just feel really alone, like nobody gets my problem. Haven't told my parents. They think I'm fine, doing well in all my classes that just started. Little do they know it's been mental hell in my head for the past two weeks and all my plans for this year of living on my own and taking classes and being happy have gone to the dump, and I'm about to see a psychologist about something that happened a long time in the past and that I can't undo and that is ruining my life and that I'm blaming myself for, even though I know it's not my fault. If I could tell my 14-year old self to get out of that harmful environment because it's going to have severe effects on your mental health later in life, then I would. But I was young and naïve, and I always keep everything to myself instead of telling my parents.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm really glad you are going in to see someone! And I really wish you would think of it as "to see what she diagnoses me as" rather than "to see if she diagnoses me with PTSD". It's hard to get started with a therapist, because there feels like so many things to talk about and not enough time. So you need to be a little patient and very open to many different possibilities for your diagnosis.

I do wish the best for you.

 

[Polly Sue]

I guess I am a little hopeful. It says she deals with dissociative disorders, and I'm pretty sure that's what I'm experiencing right now, because I think I have cptsd due to being in a harmful and hostile environment for a long period of time. I had to go there every day, and there was no way out (well, there was, but I was too stupid to see it), and I didn't feel safe. Now I just go into these depressive periods for weeks at a time where I just feel like I'm not fully in the present, I feel distant, and I have these emotions to accompany it, like fear or regret. Hopefully she will understand.

 

[Polly Sue]

@joeylittle: Thank you. I'm worried about that too, because her free consultation lasts for only 30 minutes, and there's so much I have to talk about, although I don't want to right away. And I probably won't be able to meet with her again till next week, and that's a long time when I'm feeling this way. I know she's busy and she has a lot of clients.

 

[joeylittle]

Now I just go into these depressive periods for weeks at a time where I just feel like I'm not fully in the present, I feel distant, and I have these emotions to accompany it, like fear or regret. Hopefully she will understand.

I'm sure she will understand. And the way you wrote this out is a perfect way to describe it, as opposed to saying "I'm pretty sure I'm having a dissociative disorder". Even with 30 minutes, you want to be accurate about your symptoms and your life stressors, don't get in your own way with your own diagnoses.

Just remember, she's the expert and that's why you're going - so you don't have to figure this out by yourself anymore. It's a really important step, and you should be proud for taking it.

 

[Intrepid]

Getting acknowledgement of whatever your problem is should help a lot. It can give you focus, especially if you are experiencing a lot of flashbacks, dissociation, or other disruptive influences.
Also, be patient with therapy. It takes time. I wanted it to be over, the flashbacks, the flooding, the dissociation, everything. Still, it takes time. It sound like you are making a good start.

 

[Polly Sue]

Btw in the title I meant "consultation." And that's true. I don't have to go into every detail; just have to tell her my symptoms and give some information about what I know is causing them.

 

[joeylittle]

Btw in the title I meant "consultation."

Fixed that for you! :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You don't have PTSD. Again, you want a disorder you do not have. I can't diagnose you, but you definitely have the earmarks of someone who does not have the disorder but wants it for validation of past experiences. If you really had it you'd be freaking the hell out right now as opposed to saying you've had symptoms for a few weeks. It doesn't work like that.