My Mother Thinks I Am A Failure, Loser And A Mentally Ill Person..

[J_trustno1]

Since I have been unemployed for a year despite me applying for 130 jobs so far, my mother thinks that I will not get a job. Therefore, she is looking for jobs for me!! Yes, I know annoying as it sounds.

She thinks she's helping me but that is not help in my dictionary! So far she has found outdated jobs (i.e. that were advertised 2 years ago) and when I tried confronting and told her that she should worry about her job search not mine, she thinks that I am being rude to her while she is only helping her. Then she starts throwing me into guilt trips saying, "she is very sorry for trying to help me where I don't appreciate her help". If I try defending myself she tells me that "why are you having such thoughts?" In other words she is using my depression and PTSD symptoms against me as to show me that I am mentally sick and incapable for thinking for myself. Whenever I bring anything against her siblings (my abusers), she tells me that I am mental and I should just forget about the past and move on. She is sick of me bringing the past which has no relevance to her present.

I am getting to the point where I am seeing my mother as same as my other abusers. I feel that she is not less than any of them because if she cared she wouldn't have allowed them to piss on my head and treat me the way they did. I am starting to become emotionally numb towards her as well. I try not picking arguments with her because I know that they get into messy verbal fights where she calls me mental and threatening to sent me to psych ward for getting "electric shocks".

I am working hard and applying for as many jobs as I can so that I can hear a "yes" from someone and get out of this hell because it is destroying my self-esteem.

Oh lastly, couple of days ago she complained to me in our ritual verbal argument that she has been taking me to so many psychologists for a year and I am still mental and not fixed. I had to give her a reality check and told her that psychologists don't cost her anything and that is all government funded. I am paying for my own living costs and not depending on her financially. Then she turns against me and tells me that "so what? Everyone else does the same too". I really don't get this woman. She thinks that I am the crazy one while I feel that it's other way around.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

OMG I know your pain all too well! Only my family would threaten the cops on me instead of the psych ward. Both are equally terrifying. I am SO sorry you have to live with this day in and day out. :hug:

 

[scout86]

I am getting to the point where I am seeing my mother as same as my other abusers.

From everything you've said about your mother, I think this sounds like progress. It really sounds like she IS one of your abusers. She's certainly not helping. I also think you're right, she's probably crazier than you'll EVER be. And, you realize you have issues and are working on them. She isn't and she probably won't.

I really hope you can find a job soon and move out. You're not getting any support where you're living now, you'll be way better off on your own.

 

[Tanishq]

Jess, Here dad said the same to me months ago. Said you are helpless, so I will fix you at some job. I told him better you fix yourself, I have learned my lessons well so I will be more careful in future, but you haven't learned anything through out your life that will hurt you even more. As a parent you have done nothing except showing financial transactions. This shut him up there.

Yes, I do believe I am at best without this parents. I really don't need their constant negativity, criticism. I don't know what they are thinking of me, but I let them do that. It is my reality. This parents controlled me very much at study, but not at other things such as life. Playing outside, learning new things. Result was I always bit fell short at study, but outside of study I always excelled. This parents demanded top 3 rank in class, I was always around 6th rank. I am not sure why, but always fell short by couple of points to claim top rank. What is more surprising? I achieved top rank outside of study. Skating, swimming, running, other extra curricular activities... I realized this 2 years ago. I know now, I am at best without this parents.

Remember this Jess, if something is not with you don't worry about it. Start working on what is with you, sooner or later you will find out some positive things are with you and that will propel you a lot. Your mom is not going to stop you if you are looking for your best/strong areas of your life. Hehe.

 

[Philippa]

Sounds very similar to my own experience with my parents Jess. My father gave me a book on how to cope with being a failure! Yes, he really did that. He had just lost his house and business so I think he was the one feeling like a failure and projected that onto me, but at the time it was like 'give me a break'. My mother told me I was sick but somehow that did not deserve any kind of compassion, just mean comments here and there about how I'm faking it to get out of working.

Parents can be extremely unhelpful in such situations. You're not alone there. I was always ruining my mothers happy day with my infernal sadness. It was all about her.

I can't stand the way people do that though...throw guilt trips when you didn't even ask for their help, and they just decided to play the martyr. I had an ex boyfriend who did the exact same thing when I was unemployed, symptomatic and just needed to rest. He took it upon himself to 'help' with my situation, and then got all shirty when I tried to tell him I didn't want him to.

Your mother is doing this to get her need for applaud and to feel helpful met. If she wasn't so bossy she might ASK you how she can help, if at all and show some understanding that young people are having trouble finding work these days. It's not an easy thing to find a job and parents rarely have any realistic idea of what it's like for their kids.