At What Age Did Dissociation Start?

[shimmerz]

At 4 days old when I was operated on. I was not expected to live and given only a paralytic compound with no pain management. This caused a tremendously deep state of dissociation that I naturally have fallen into. I am not DID but instead co-conscious.

 

[xena21]

For all the leaking times, there's booze

I understand. Alcohol has definitely been a comfort for me lately. I used to look down on alcohol as a form of comfort, but now I see it differently. I have overdosed in the past with different anti anxiety meds so I am without any drugs to help anxiety as it comes up. I started drinking after that to help with immediate stress and it helped. I have since used it on a regular basis to help with anxiety. I only go to a certain level and rarely go beyond. It has helped on many occasions. My therapists know this and I keep them informed. I hope not to keep this up for long...just until I progress in therapy where I am more comfortable with myself and less anxious. Right now I hurt myself on a regular basis, and dissociate too much so alcohol calms me down. I need to move ahead in therapy so I don't have to use alcohol or anything else to assist me.

 

[Ronin]

I think part of my attitude to drinking is people closest to me. We all drink to cope with various shit and then have some heart-to-heart, pulling each other up together. I'm used to associate alcohol with getting up from the despair. That and certain freedom, didn't have booze growing up and long after. So it's more about contexts I think, meaning I ascribe to drinking as a whole, than 'just' the drinking. The thought that I'm supported and can get my act together is itself enough.

 

[xena21]

The thought that I'm supported and can get my act together is itself enough.

I get that entirely. You do enough to get what you need. Drinking isn't always an evil thing. Dr's give us medications to help us that don't work all the time. They think they are helping us with these medications, but they aren't. Doctors aren't always the smartest people involved in our care. Sometimes its you. You may know that the med you are taking isn't working or that you work better on something else. You know that alcohol may help on something that a med doesn't help. I know this is true from my own experience.

I appreciate everything my doctors have done. I know that I need more though. The alcohol has helped me. I have used it to get beyond my fear of people that I normally would be terrified of.

 

[floating]

3 or 4 years old for me. My earliest memory of being "floating above myself"/being separate from my body was running across a road, still haven't figured out why I was running.

 

[Lionheart]

I started to dissociate at age 3 when I 'slipped into' "Alice Through The Looking Glass's" mirror, an animated movie which was playing on television during a fight my parents were having.

I was almost hit with a flying ashtray and stepped into 'the mirror world' that was taking place on TV to escape the reality of violence that was occurring.

That was my first memory of dissociation and this coping skill continued until I was around the age of 13 when I last remember dissociating due to sexual child abuse trauma.

 

[xena21]

That was my first memory of dissociation and this coping skill continued until I was around the age of 13 when I last remember dissociating due to sexual child abuse trauma.

I'm just wondering, Lionheart777, have you dissociated since you were 13? I am just interested because for me it has continued for my entire life. I was sexually abused and dissociated from an extremely young age like you, and I still dissociate. I call it disconnecting. Well, that's what my therapists refer to it as. They also explain it as a separate voice that I have that takes me out of current reality. They haven't specifically said I had a disorder form it, because I also have OCD, but they have recognized the altered nature of it.

I was just wondering if it completely disintegrated for you at 13 years old and never returned?

 

[Lionheart]

I'm just wondering, Lionheart777, have you dissociated since you were 13?

Yes, I have dissociated as an adult, but not as fully as I did when I was younger. I still do disconnect from the present sometimes, but when I was younger, (3-13 years old), I went fully 'out-of-body' and now, I just sort of 'wander off' in my mind for a few minutes.

I think you'll agree there is a big difference between these two states and that is the reason I don't really consider myself to have dissociated in adulthood, but technically I suppose I have.

I know I may not be using the therapeutic jargon for my experiences, but I think you will understand what I mean, ...at least I hope I have explained it okay and I thank you for your question.

I think it is probably pretty normal for folks like us to dissociate from time to time, regardless of our present age.

 

[ms spock]

I was two or three.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I started doing it in 3rd grade, around the beginning.

I would do it as soon as bullying would happen and be on autopilot, watching myself from a point ~30 cm behind me and not feeling like its happening to me.

I sometimes dissociate now, I'm 14.

 

[katz]

I have many memories of my abuse. (5 different men at various stages of life) I remember in elementary school going down to the office and telling them that my tummy hurt and I wanted my mommy. Then, by the time she got there, I was fine. I was also diagnosed with epilepsy. I don't think I will ever know which ones were petite mal seizures and which ones were "disassociating" .
All of my memories are from the 3rd person. I am ... basically floating up in the corner of the room looking down on what's happening to me. I can give a much more detailed account of what happened. I just can't remember any of the emotions. I have not been able to remember any of the times, from the first person. I don't know if I ever will.
One of the more interesting facts about my case is what happened in my 40's. I was admitted into the hospital to evaluate my meds.. So I was on camera and being recorded 24/7. The doctor was able to take me off 3 of my meds. Yeah! She was also able to officially diagnose my PTSD. When she told my parents, my mother's mouth dropped open in surprise. Since that day, I have not disassociated ... ever. I'm still struggling with the memory pictures and nightmares, and I am still trying to figure out which ones go where, but I'm a lot safer going thru life since I know that I won't disassociate. That was over 8 years ago.
Thru the years, my research has led me back to the doctors records when I was a child. I have found evidence that I was diagnosed with PTSD while in elementary school! (Just under a different name) So, I was very young when I started "stepping out".
I can't tell you enough how reassuring it has been to find out that it was not just a "dream" or my "imagination" (which is what my family tells everyone--they were even telling this to my boyfriends in high school)
I finally found someone when I was in 40's who believed me--not them. He told me that they still believed that their daughter has mental problems and creates stories. He tried to tell them that these pictures and words were not something that could be created. To this day, my family believes that their sister/daughter has mental and emotional problems and creates childhood stories. Even though I don't dissociate any more,

Sorry to ramble....

 

[shimmerz]

So I was on camera and being recorded 24/7. The doctor was able to take me off 3 of my meds.

Coolest thing EVER......!