Therapist Clueless About Sociopaths

[Dana1010]

Does anyone else think trauma induced by sociopaths/psychopaths is unique and distinct from other types of trauma, at least in the details of how it occurred? I know non-sociopaths can have all sorts of their own problems and be every bit as destructive as a sociopath. But there is something in the delivery with a sociopath; the quality of conning, moving your emotions around like pawns on a chess board, and then turning into a different person before your eyes that stuns, bewilders, and ultimately undoes their victims, that is unlike anything else.

The trouble started when I was talking to my therapist about someone from my past who scarred me and who was a sociopath (I am well versed in the subject and have copious evidence to support the claim). My therapist looked flustered, and said, "Why is it so important for you to describe him as a sociopath?" Um, because he was one? It's like she thinks sociopaths are just jerks like lots of people are jerks. Well, I'm not talking about a jerk; this person was like an intraspecies being. I described a situation where I was alone with him, he wanted me to stay, and I left. She said, "If he was a psychopath, he wouldn't have let you leave." What? Did she get her psych education watching Halloween marathons? Most psychopaths aren't rapists or murderers, and most of them will never go to jail (although this person did operate on the shady side of the law). At this point I knew I was dealing with someone uneducated about sociopaths, and ill equipped to deal with psychopath induced trauma.

My father was a diagnosed psychopath, and when I first got out into the world, I gravitated towards people on the sociopath/narcissist spectrum out of an unconscious desire to renegotiate that relationship. Learning about this disorder has filled in a lot of holes in my understanding of my story and my life, and the world actually.

Do you think if your trauma was caused by a psychopath, that's a crucial piece of the puzzle and needs to be integrated in therapy?

 

[darrenS]

i actually agree with you, i had to work with a "sociopath " once and he was considered extremely dangerous , i was the only male on the team deemed capable of handling him. I never had a problem with him but one thing always struck me and i have seen it in a couple of others who have caused me problems ....the look in their eyes ..it can be frightening as you know they are not feeling anything - you can see and feel it, and yes if you pull their covers , expect to be harrassed, initimidated and anything else they can throw at you . Yes i think it should be incorporated as their behavior confounds any rational means for closure. Its like dealing with a block of ice.

 

[Dana1010]

Yes i think it should be incorporated as their behavior confounds any rational means for closure.

Yeah, the problem is a lot of traditional therapists want to chalk up every unpleasant situation to some sort of misunderstanding, as though the perp didn't actually mean to hurt you. What if he not only meant to hurt you, but stared laser-like into your eyes while he did it , in cool, unperturbed composure, and relished every second of it? And now he's off somewhere, raking in money, women, esteem, and generally taking whatever he wants from the world, like candy from a baby?

 

[darrenS]

if you feel that way , you need to assert your need to be heard clearly and how it has affected you , a good T will understand the difference between being traumatized by a sociopath and a "normal person" for want of a better term - the first thing about a sociopath is you will get no closure and then they will blame you for any wrong doing saying you led them to do it etc - the best way to survive is to stay well away

 

[anthony]

Does anyone else think trauma induced by sociopaths/psychopaths is unique and distinct from other types of trauma, at least in the details of how it occurred?

No, I don't.

 

[darrenS]

you seem to be pretty solid about that Anthony...what supports your belief it is so clear ?

 

[Pencil]

I've noticed the same 'reluctance' in some therapists. I don't understand it. I had come to believe that 'sociopaths' do not really exist' (only in nasty blogs by disgruntled ex-wife harpies who describe their perfectly normal but fed-up exes as anything along the continuum of narcissist - sociopath - malignant narcissist - psychopath) until I spoke to an acquaintance who was also a psychologist about my Twisted Sister, and she said: 'What you are describing is a sociopath'. I was gobsmacked. All too often therapists react as if the real victims of people with real sociopathic tendencies are the harpy types out to besmirch the character of an otherwise normal and harmless person.

 

[Lolly]

My abuser is a psychopath. When I first met my T, and was asked to prompted to talk about my abuser, "psychopath" was one of the first words I used. She seemed like she thought I was exaggerating. It wasn't until I started telling her that my Dad (abuser) told me I was born to fix the marriage and because I turned out to be a crap person so I broke up their marriage. Told that I was the reason my Mum had a breakdown and that my little sister was always angry. Made to believe that I deserved all the abuse he and other men gave me, and made me felt so guilty about deserving it that I never said a word.

When I told her about that, and countless other incidents, it was as if a light bulb went off in her head. I saw her facial expression change as she realised he was a psychopath. Ever since she realised, my therapy has been a lot different. She finally gets it. So therapy is a lot more productive now. I'm not sat there for an hour trying to explain the "nice things" my abuser did for me. Because to be honest, I don't care if he bought me clothes when I couldn't afford to. He didn't do that because he "loved" me, he did it to manipulate me. And its good that my therapist finally understands that. Like you said, I think being a victim of a psychopath's abuse is different to other abuse. There are just so many thoughts, feelings and actions that surround the abuse which multiplies the effect of the abuse, I think anyway... (please do not think that I'm trying to say my "type" of abuse is worse than other types of abuse. Any type is horrible and devastating!)

 

[Pencil]

No, I don't

Anthony, then you must thank your lucky stars that you've never known one and have not been the victim of one. When you do become the victim of one, you'll see the difference.

 

[ghotiff]

I don't know about psychopaths but I agree about the eyes. My second sexual abuser got off on dominating me. What impacts me most from those memories is not what was happening but the pure delight in his eyes when I displayed that I didn't like it.

 

[Pencil]

But there is something in the delivery with a sociopath; the quality of conning, moving your emotions around like pawns on a chess board, and then turning into a different person before your eyes that stuns, bewilders, and ultimately undoes their victims, that is unlike anything else

Good description. And it confuses the hell out of normal, rational adults; what it does to a child is indescribable.

 

[desiderata310]

I know that my ability to trust anyone is pretty much gone because of my relationship with a psychopath. The trauma from that is different for me from my other trauma. But at the root of it all, trauma has the same end result.