I was a police officer for many years during which time i was front line, throughout my career i was commended for my bravery on numerous occasions disarming people wielding a variety of weapons and sustaining injury on occasion.
Over a decade ago i was confronted by a violent masked male with firearm , i disarmed him following a struggle and was some time later diagnosed with PTSD. I never felt like counselling was for me although i went on a couple of occasions but my relationship collapsed soon after and i've found it difficult to get close to anyone since.
Following that i continued to work but because of the nature of that work received specific threats on my life that meant i had to take serious security measures. I continued to have difficulties and continued to be involved in violent professional confrontations whilst burying my concerns. I was experiencing nightmares and flashbacks and was almost permanently on a 'state of alert' , i'd also became incredibly withdrawn.
A few years ago I was involved in yet another violent incident , this time outside work, when i stepped in to try and help someone being attacked and it ended with me suffering some serious injuries. Despite that due to lies of the individual involved i found myself charged criminally and my life and belief structure began to collapse. I suffered from serious depression and felt i'd let everyone down and the PTSD symptoms became almost overpowering.
Eventually the whole thing i was facing collapsed and the individual himself was charged with perjury and to a degree i felt vindicated but it don't help my mental health. I'd given my life effectively to help my community and to do the right thing but fund everything around me had collapsed . I was declared unfit to perform my duties and retired .
I am on a fair bit of medication but i find the gym the biggest help, when i can keep myself focused. I am mostly alone and find myself very untrusting. The flashbacks and nightmares are a constant problem meaning sleep isn't good whilst the hyper vigilance and anger outbursts mean i tend to isolate myself.
I feel strange typing all this out but just feel that having looked at the forum for some time as a guest i want to put this down. I apologise for it being disjointed and rambling and that i feel a bit of a fraud compared to some of the terrible times others have been through.
anyway thanks for reading
Over a decade ago i was confronted by a violent masked male with firearm , i disarmed him following a struggle and was some time later diagnosed with PTSD. I never felt like counselling was for me although i went on a couple of occasions but my relationship collapsed soon after and i've found it difficult to get close to anyone since.
Following that i continued to work but because of the nature of that work received specific threats on my life that meant i had to take serious security measures. I continued to have difficulties and continued to be involved in violent professional confrontations whilst burying my concerns. I was experiencing nightmares and flashbacks and was almost permanently on a 'state of alert' , i'd also became incredibly withdrawn.
A few years ago I was involved in yet another violent incident , this time outside work, when i stepped in to try and help someone being attacked and it ended with me suffering some serious injuries. Despite that due to lies of the individual involved i found myself charged criminally and my life and belief structure began to collapse. I suffered from serious depression and felt i'd let everyone down and the PTSD symptoms became almost overpowering.
Eventually the whole thing i was facing collapsed and the individual himself was charged with perjury and to a degree i felt vindicated but it don't help my mental health. I'd given my life effectively to help my community and to do the right thing but fund everything around me had collapsed . I was declared unfit to perform my duties and retired .
I am on a fair bit of medication but i find the gym the biggest help, when i can keep myself focused. I am mostly alone and find myself very untrusting. The flashbacks and nightmares are a constant problem meaning sleep isn't good whilst the hyper vigilance and anger outbursts mean i tend to isolate myself.
I feel strange typing all this out but just feel that having looked at the forum for some time as a guest i want to put this down. I apologise for it being disjointed and rambling and that i feel a bit of a fraud compared to some of the terrible times others have been through.
anyway thanks for reading
