Sufferer Me, A Retired Police Officer

[Deleted member 28403]

@toda pasa

Whenever you feel down just remember that you saved someone. There was noone to save me, and this is me now.

You prevented the same thing from happening to another person.

A gun, a single shot can kill someone, but you prevented that.

I look up at you for being able to help someone. That person probably won't have the pain then. Be proud of yourself, I am here for you, and so are so many others.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum from a fellow Brit.

stepped in to try and help someone being attacked

My daughter was randomly attacked earlier in the year and was helped by a nearby householder who came to her aid. I am so grateful to people like yourself who will help when needed. I hate to think what would have happened otherwise.

This is a very supportive community with great information. I hope what you find here will help.

 

[toda pasa]

I appreciate the thread title has been changed and it's certainly factually accurate but because of my treatment by the organisation shortly prior to Me leaving I really have difficulty identifying with that as 'me'

I'm sorry to be 'needy' but can that be changed ? That's not to say I don't value input and support from other former police officers and staff (I really do) and many of my closest friends are current or former police officers but I do feel hugely let down by the organisation as a whole .

I hope this post is ok and hopefully it doesn't reflect badly on me .

 

[KP the nut]

thread title has been changed and it's certainly factually accurate but because of my treatment by the organisation shortly prior to Me leaving I really have difficulty identifying with that as 'me'

I'm sorry to be 'needy' but can that be changed

You are not being needy. I changed your title. We try to have titles which tell a little about the person when possible. Would you like me to remove the word 'me' or do you have a new title?

 

[toda pasa]

Honest I don't mind anything you feel appropriate I feel terrible for asking . It's absolutely what I did and it's what I am now but I struggle to identify with it just because in my time of need they kind of abandoned me . For years I was putting my head in the lions mouth and got commendation after commendation and never asked for anything . Admittedly I probably never asked for help which says a lot about my upbringing , lifestyle & character (all of which was unashamedly working class and ' blokeish') . When I found myself lost I just felt cut off . Once I came through it they were ok again but it's in your darkest hours you need help isn't it ? When you feel like everything you thought was up is down and you can't see a way out other than things I could or would never verbalise

Sorry that was totally unrelated to the question anything non specific you'd like , it's just that that I felt umcomfortable with.

Can I just say a genetic thanks to all the posters , I'm sure you know but those kind words are just immense .

Thank you so much for making me feel at home .

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It's in the the darkest hour you see the light the best. You see your true friends and supporters when your are the one in the bad state.

Read my story

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/a-beak-of-poison.48453/#post-771673

I found how little people care and how much they just save their own assess early on. I lived isolated. Even now I have only one friend, and she helps me through day.

She is the only person I don't hide my personality in front of. The tortured child that lost a big part od childhood, that didn't have friends to play with, that was thrown away and abandoned. Molded in lonelyness.

 

[Anarchy]

When you feel like everything you thought was up is down and you can't see a way out other than things I could or would never verbalise

That real life "red pill" does give us another view on life which most people don't get to see. It is important to learn to forgive yourself. For what you experienced to have hurt you, shows that you are a caring individual human, rather than a cold unfeeling robot or a soul-less abstraction.

I'm sorry to be 'needy'

The forum has seen over 20,000 others who, like you and I, come here for support, to share and to help each other. Expressing what happened, and knowing that you are being listened to, and are not alone in the world, is a big part of beginning to heal. You are not alone here, your experiences matter, and you are certainly not being "needy".

There are some techniques for helping with flashbacks, whether the flashback comes with images, smells etc, or are purely emotional. Pete-walker's cptsd site has some tips on self soothing and dealing with the flashbacks, there are also some excellent resources in the "vault" here.

Traumatic memories are not like normal memories, it takes time to incorporate them into our normal memories, and for them to loose their ability to hurt us. What you are doing with the cell phone footage is part of a process of desensitization, of coming to terms with what happened. Others here with more experience than I have can probably give you some tips on how a trauma therapist could help you with that process.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum. please, don't be embarrassed, your writings look just fine to me. I'm glad you were able to find this forum and hope you can find some comfort in the support here.

:)

 

[intothelight]

@toda pasa Welcome and I hope you find this site beneficial to your healing.

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome to the forum, @toda pasa. Glad you're here.