Abusing My Dog

[ms spock]

Thinking that way, I am so glad they came here to get help!!!!!

A really good point!

 

[Ghostybear73]

But it happened anyways @Ms Spock , the people got on and tagged the poster and if anything it's worse now for them, which I was hoping wouldn't happen but knew in my heart it would, as sad as it is.

 

[Ghostybear73]

So, the post stays open so that we can all agree to disagree and the original poster is scared off and probably won't get help. To me, closing it off when there was such positive replies might have helped if the original poster did come back.

 

[ms spock]

You're just the next in a line of people to jump in and criticize others for the way they respond to a thread.

Yes! I am commenting on the way the original poster has been talked to and responded to in this thread. That is true.

I'm not sure where all this pseudo-forum-cop stuff is coming in, but I think people need to take a step back and take a deep breath before they try to control everyone around them.

People are allowed to comment on people who like to kick the boot in. People can comment on how other people interact with themselves. People can comment on patterns of behaviour of one poster. People can comment on people unfairly silencing a discussion. People can comment on people reacting and not responding to a poster. People can comment on any manner of things @Solara.

What do you have to gain by silencing forum posters who comment on your posts @Solara? Less accountability for your interactions? Less challenges during your highly reactive phases? Less possibility for being pulled up for your careless posts to other forum members?

Don't like what someone says? There's an ignore button for that!

You could really write that down and stick it on the fridge and take your own advice @Solara.

 

[ms spock]

So, the post stays open so that we can all agree to disagree and the original poster is scared off and probably won't get help.

I actually think with prior work the poster has done, and the significance of the disclosure, that the poster will get help. I can understand if the original poster has been scared off though.

To me, closing it off when there was such positive replies might have helped if the original poster did come back.

You have a point Ghosty. But commentary is also important. How do people learn and change if they can't learn to discuss these things?

Thinking about it probably starting a thread addressing some of the comments from this thread may have been a productive way to go.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Very good point @Ms Spock . :D

 

[Seagreen]

Look, these things happen. Horrible things happen all the time. Many of us have had first hand knowledge of this. No one has said it is ok at all. EVERYONE is trying to help.

People do bad things and they may need help to overcome these behaviors. If they are turned away or met with hostility what happens next?

Animal abuse is very disturbing for most people. I cant bear the thought of animals suffering. By the tone of Andis post I could tell she was desperate. Hopefully she hasnt been scared away for good.

Has anyone heard from Andi?

 

[J_trustno1]

Please give away your dog because she has not done anything to you. She also has a life and also deserves equal love and affection like all of us here. I can understand the anger part. I get into arguments with my mother to the point where I can say things which can actually make her cry but I never get physical with anyone. Most of the time when I get very angry, I try leaving the current situation and opt for intense exercise which includes cardio or strength training and also Yoga breathing to distract myself from hurting others or myself. I also write here on the forum when I need to vent but when I do get flashbacks I try to write some of the worst feelings on the piece of paper and then either stab the paper 100 times or burn the paper (only done this couple of times ) but IT WORKS!! Sometimes I go for small walks on the street or go to the beach to try mindfulness and also meditate.

Please try searching for different ways of letting your anger out. For me it's a mixture of different things and I'm sure if you try different doctor and therapist they'll help you discover different methods. You can also take up boxing where you can keep punching the bag until your anger vanishes. I know anger is a bad emotion but that is how the wounds of the past affect us in our present. I hope I helped and I didn't mean to discourage you but I care about the poor dog because needs love. Hope you find a healthier way of releasing your anger. My best wishes are with you.

 

[ms spock]

AND my H who has c-PTSD or Structural Dissociation or whatever you want to call it has been verbally and emotionally abusive. I have crossed the line and been abusive. We both come from abusive and neglectful families. Our scripts for how to deal with stuff are very often BAD and abusive ones. We have to work hard to avoid the things that come naturally to us.

That is most noble indeed. It is also honest.

Working with animals, particularly rescue animals who have been abused under the supervision of good healthy trainers has helped us each enormously in learning new habits and strategies.

That sounds like a great strategy for learning and reinforcing new behaviours.

I only wish there were parent-trainers to work with.

Oh so do I!

Oh, and in one generation so much could be turned around @Eleanor! In two generations it would be phenomenal what could be achieved.

It is not JUST that the lasting harms that come from abuse and neglect hurt us individually, they set us up to hurt each other and our kids and pets. And when we come from families that teach us NO constructive response to guilt, and use our guilt to justify abusing us... well. It is an ugly catch-22 indeed.

It is indeed.

And yes, Ms. Spock, animal abuse IS closely related to abusing people. Most don't start by abusing their kids or someone else's kids. They've mostly been abusing animals for a long time before. And they can't get better if they don't admit it. If it stays hidden it gets worse.

I really am finding it so hard to come to terms that most people don't seem to realise this. It is shocking to me that people don't know how widespread animal abuse is - and it just keeps it going if no one talks about it.

Violence can be addictive. And like all additions it likes to grow in the dark.

My grandfather and my father...

The fact is that I am very likely not even aware of the stuff I do that is most harmful to my marriage and children. Either due to dissociation (I'm more likely to do bad stuff when I'm not quite me) or because I don't know it is bad. I worry about this ALOT. I notice when I cross the lines. And I make plans to deal with whatever drove me across so as not to cross them again. We are not physically abusive, but this isn't nearly as comforting to me as I wish it was. There are way too many other ways to hurt someone, with injuries that can last longer.

It is great that you are doing this stuff. It is the stuff of intergenerational social change IMHO.

And @Ed Norton, I would respectfully suggest that you are in fact a VERY good and compassionate person. That you are neither mean, nor stupid. Not by a long shot. And that it IS hard to be compassionate about someone causing harm to a dog. But that doesn't mean it is not worth cultivating that compassion. We all have feet of clay, my friend.

Yes we all do have feet of clay.

The old rule about talking about the behavior not the person applies to us when we talk about ourselves, as well as when we talk about other people.

It is a more helpful way to go. It depends what outcomes you want. I want abuse to stop so if someone is brave enough to speak up and ask for help I really want to assist them, even in a small way. Because each change adds to the whole.

 

[ms spock]

I am underneath it all angry and screaming when emotionally disturbed but I had to learn how to resist destructive impulses and how to not be ruled by impulses. One could argue that after years of beatings, they deserved to be hit. But the actions were mine and it was my responsibility to curb the impulses to act out.

And you do it with such diligence Alba. This inspires me.

 

[Lucycat]

I cant get my doctor to listen to me,

I dont know what to do anymore, Im trapped in my own skin.

I feel like I should attempt suicide again. I dont know where to go. No one will help me, no one believes me, no one listens to me.

She is crying out for help.
She acknowledges her behaviour is unacceptable. Why is nobody condemning the doctors who are not helping her?

 

[The Albatross]

Probably because that's not the thread title. What would "condemning the doctors who are [presumably] not helping her" do? Basically what was written was a disagreement of diagnosis... so I read it as blame shifting, avoiding the gorilla in the room and blaming the behavior on her difficulties with both her doctor (disagreement of diagnosis) and mental/emotional issues with her mother. Neither of which are a reason to commit abuse.

When untreated I had similar issues with realizing that my behavior in the present is my own responsibility. Personal responsibility irrespective of mental/emotional pain is one of the hardest things to learn.

Like any maladaptive coping mechanism, every single time it is used it is reinforced. Habits become behavior, and the habit of acting out abusively to an animal is a big red flag.