Need Therapy Advice Asap

[GrokkingAmbivert]

Are looking at old photos of your past, that you haven't seen in decades & may have new info/ideas, damaging?

I was diagnosed PTSD on 9/16/14. I have done (and still continuing) intensive therapy, and my flashbacks have become far less damaging. My case is far more due to abandonment, neglect, psychological and emotional abuse. Some physical/humiliation, but that's been the easiest to manage and heal from. Per my therapist, I'm doing some workbooks because journaling has been MY BEST way to heal, understand and accept. Problem is, there are so many parts of my childhood I don't remember or I can't figure out what happened at what age. The books and therapists say to talk to safe people who knew you at different stages in your childhood, but I don't know many because my parents kept me very isolated. (Since diagnosis, my parents have abandoned me completely & made it impossible to see my younger brothers, so I can't trust or even go to the source) The other thing that is important is to find pictures of yourself at different ages so you can objectify "the children within," to make it easier to handle emotions. Also, it would help me remember, organize my memories & learn new information about my past.

Good idea? Bad idea?

 

[digger]

Good idea? Bad idea?

What does your therapist think about the idea? I'd think it'd vary how different people react and cope with this sort of thing, he/she might have a better idea of how it might affect you if you've been working with them a while - have you talked it over with them?

 

[GrokkingAmbivert]

What does your therapist think about the idea? I'd think it'd vary how different people react and cope with this sort of thing, he/she might have a better idea of how it might affect you if you've been working with them a while - have you talked it over with them?

Unfortunately, no I haven't because the need and want for them happened yesterday when doing the workbook. I am ONLY getting the possibility to view them for 2-3 days once my bf gets them from the household tomorrow. And that's if he can persuade my father, who then would have to persuade my mother. I see her in 3 days though. She's been ok with me researching whatever I want and trusts me to stop when I need to. I prepare and create a safe environment to experience the many possible emotions.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't understand why this is such a rush. Even if your boyfriend obtains the pictures that does not oblige you to look at them.

I think that @digger is right and you should talk this through with your T before proceeding.

Personally I was sent a load of childhood snaps on a DVD. Still pictures and some old cine-film movies. However I have made the decision not to look at them as I think it would trigger all the bad feelings from my childhood. But I have not destroyed it either. I asked my husband to hide it away, somewhere that I will not find it by accident, but if I decide I do need or want it in the future I have it.

 

[Beachlife09]

@ReaganLove First of all, I am so sorry about what your parents have done.
Second, I don't quite understand what memories you are trying to piece together. If they are of your trauma, would there be pictures of it?? I don't understand. But if they are just to ground you more then I think that that could be very beneficial. But don't view them all at once, that may be overwhelming.
Third, I journal as well! It helps me immensely, and I'm very glad that you have found a good outlet. :)

I think it may be hard but it could have more benefits than negative affects. Good luck! :hug:

 

[digger]

Do you have access to a scanner? You could ask your bf to scan them until your sure if they have to be returned? Or delay asking for them till after you've seen your therapist?

 

[GrokkingAmbivert]

I just found out that I won't be able to obtain the photos anyway. I'm just going to find pictures online that represent what I think I was like at certain stages of my life. It doesn't have to be me. It would have been helpful to know what I looked like and what my environment was, but I'm just going to have to speculate & imagine for the time being. @digger @Lucycat but thank you both for your help :)

 

[Friday]

I don't have childhood trauma...

My son has it in spades. No idea as yet if he's PTSD or not. I also used to have tens of thousands of pictures from the first decade of his life (I took between 10k & 30k pictures a year). My ex smashed my hard drives, stole my insurance (I backed them up on thumb drives, stored them in a safety deposit box, which he raided) & on being court ordered to return the photos he took... Gave me a virus loaded corrupted hard drive. No idea if the pics were on there or not.

But I remember them. I was behind the camera. There are less than a dozen of my son & I in them. Maybe a good therapist will point out someday that someone had to be behind the camera. Because on the rare events my ex was around I took thousands of my ex and my son. I know he still has (at least some) of the photos...because my son has brought them up. On how I was always gone, but he & my ex? Clearly best buds. This is the man who, after court eval, was determined to not only be abusive & neglectful... But only present in my son's life for less than 30 days in 10 years. :banghead:

Pictures... Tell a story. Not always a true story.

 

[GrokkingAmbivert]

@Beachlife09 yes, it wouldn't have been traumatic pictures. It would just be to get an idea of the life I had when I was an adolescent. Knowing who was around me as a caregiver (I know I did have a few nannies), what my homes looked liked, what toys I had, if my parents were in or taking the pictures, what THEY looked like/wore/doing.... It's a total blur. I have 2 pictures of me as an adolescent. I had bleach blonde hair until I was at least 10, which I didn't remember. We moved a lot after my dad finished med school & I was passed around to others for along time while my parents were creating careers & studying. Journaling has been amazing! It's wild how I feel instantly better!

 

[Nam]

I voted yes. I think it can be a good tool. I wish I had more photos to look at. I'm just getting to the point where I want to talk with my sister about it but I want to protect her too. I treasure the photos that I have during the time of my traumas. I have 3. Two of them are quite sad. My expression looks broken.

Please be careful if you go digging. Any object in a photo can trigger a memory. You need a good support system in place for recovery. On the flip side, be prepared to not have any. Recovery from early childhood trauma presents when your mind is ready. All of mine came to me at times of stability. ((Hugs)) from one sufferer to another. Please know that it does get better.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I had my 3 photos prior to having memories. So exposure to these photos did not trigger any memories.

 

[Beachlife09]

@ReaganLove Oh, okay, that makes more sense. Then I definitely think you should go for it! :) While remembering may be quite hard, it will be very healing. :)
I feel the same way! Sometimes when I am unable to think of something to write I'll put a prayer or a scripture verse in as an entry. Sometimes those are my favorites to go back and look on, it shows some progress too!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I've done it. I've even made scrapbooks of my childhood for myself and my loved ones. (Can't/won't make one for my mom though....) I used Shutterfly to make my books. I think it was very helpful b/c I was able to make up cute captions and stories for my pictures. The books ARE very cute! I won't get into the details b/c anyone who read this would be like "I KNOW ITS YOU!" but yes, there is a favorite clothing article that I'm very much obsessed with to this day and who knew....I was wearing that SAME clothing article in a number of pictures, at different ages (so I know my mom bought me more than one of the same). I discovered this after viewing my childhood pics....so now I can say that the addiction got started early, LMAO. I have a set of a dozen++ photographs of me taken at the same time and I'm trying to figure out a good way to display them. I think that it could be quite therapeutic for you to take those pics and do something with them. Make a book, whatever. There are tons of things you can make out of pics on those websites. I've made other things other than scrapbooks. My childhood pics are everywhere in my house!