Dealing with self-harm

[Deleted member 28403]

I am a self-harm person, not parasuicidal, but instead self-injury type. I've been like that for quite a few years, but today while talking to her on the phone, she noticed I was about to do stuff (I never really used tools, so I normally rip away my skin and dig holes.)

She wanted to help me in some way, but didn't quite know much of how, anyway, thanks to her I managed to resist for 30 minutes, which is basically a lot, as most I ever achieved nornally was at range of max 1 minute :(

Anyway, I'm confused by the reaction delaying self harm gave me, as I wasn't doing it, tension collected up in me, and I had a strong itching feeling under my skin, and had a serious need to scratch, after a few minutes I was trembling, from the unsated need to hurt myself. 25 minutes in I was strongly shaking, literarily jumping, shaking, quickly changing positions, gripping my arms, holding tight and trying to not hurt myself, for HER... It makes her sad when she knows I hurt myself, it hurts her :cry: And 30 minutes in it was to much, I asked her for permission, as at that moment I was already suffering from:

-Stomach ache
-Strong itching under skin
-Shaking
-Pain in the right side of my chest
-Wierd muscle spasms
-Jumpyness

I asked her, and after a short talk she said it's okay, and moments after I started stomach ache was gone, shaking was decreasing, same goes for chest pain, I was slightly calming down.

Well, for year 2015 I will try to work on stopping self harm, but I see a problem in the reaction if I don't do it. It reminds me of a reaction a drug addict could get if he doesn't get a dose...

Well, with this post I'm asking on general opinions on this, advice on how to work aganist self-harm, generally valving whats bothering me, slightly bragging with the time I achieved, as it means a lot to me.

Thank you for taking time to read this post.

 

[Chosen]

Congrats on achieving the time difference! that's an accomplishment.

I used to self-harm, though it wasn't habitual or severe....I did it mostly when I was overwhelmed and really hurt emotionally. Though I also discovered I did it when I was mad at others & I would turn that anger on myself.

I think it is an addiction, just not to man-made chemicals, but the chemicals in your brain...when we self-harm, we automatically get our brains activated with healing neurotransmitters/hormones. I don't remember the exact names.

I'd say just try to delay each time of self-harm a little more--maybe for one week, try to add 2 minutes or 5 minutes...the next week, increase by a minute or more...as time goes on, try to work up to an hour or longer.

One thing I found super helpful for me was taking my hand, putting it on a piece of paper, drawing around it, coloring it in, and then marking in red where I would have cut. This not only would have delayed self-harm if I'd chosen to do it, it also activated mirror neurons (I think)--because when you see something that's happening, neurons in your brain get activated as if you're doing it. Like when you see someone waving, in your head, your neurons are getting ready to do the same thing if you decide to do it. So by my drawing out what I was going to do, then it was as if I was doing it, and it was healthy and safe. Maybe something like that might help.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Noah

Yeah, I could try progressively delaying it, I will see how it goes after a month...

And yea, it's an addiction, probably, but also a thing I'm really used to... During self harm endorphins are released, but for what I know they are also released when exercising and other things.

I don't think that the thing you mentioned at the end would work, I don't harm my hands, I got wounds all over my face, chest and back, but not on hands... Also, I don't cut and stuff, nothing so tidy and clean, I do it in a really brutal, almost gore way, literarly ripping through skin :(

Also, It's a thing I do on a daily basis, so it's really hard not to.

Seems like self-harm releases a whole load of neuro transmitters, so I should try to collect them all up and see alternate sources...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sounds very familiar. Yes, it IS like a drug. Your body releases those calming chemicals when you injure, and if you don't injure then the tension continues to build until you give in. Unfortunately, the more you give in, the greater the urges become. I'm glad that you are making a plan to stop injuring this year.

There are a number of ways to stop....one is gradually by substituting other actions for harming, and the other method is cold turkey. I went into a SI program and they put us on the cold turkey program. One injure and we could be kicked out of the program. It was hard as HELL and my body literally found a way to be in pain even if I wasn't actively causing the pain. For the next 3--ish months I was in an incredible amount of somatic pain. It was horrible. I have had a number of relapses over the years, but I have never gotten back to the point of not being able to stop. Now its along the lines of one and done. I've gone awhile now without injuring as my worst injuring was about 15 months ago, sent me to the ER, and I'm still not fully recovered. I never want to go there again.

I wish you the best of luck. I know you can do this, and I commend you on wanting to stop.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have found a lot of guidance through reading Harm Reduction Therapy materials on this topic.

I haven't cut in 3 years. It is super duper hard.

 

[Friday]

The same chemicals that are released during self harm are also released during strenuous exercise.

What counts as strenuous depends on your fitness level. Someone out of shape may get the same flood of endorphans in half a mile of misery (gasp, gasp, can't. go. further.) that someone who is very healthy and fit may get in a 5k or 10k.

I loathe running. But I have never, ever, gotten my 2nd wind (flooding endorphins, crazy beautiful high) in under 4 miles. Actually, when I'm fit I love running 10ks. Where I get my first burst of endorphins is in sprint & whole body exercise (surfing, snowboarding, gymnastics, diving, etc.).

It can be hard to get started exercising... Because when you're not fit? It sucks. It hurts, and not in a good way. (Good pain comes later). However even during the sucky sucky first couple months? Self harm impulses go down.

If you're not sporty or co-ordinated? No worries. You don't have to be on a team, and there are dozens of things that even sensory integration & autistic children & adultswith crossover issues (can't match up right and left sides of their bodies in an even fashion) can do.

If I remember correctly; You already play music, which shows that you have quite a lot of fine motor coordination. Transitioning between fine motor & gross motor tends to be tricky... Because you already know it feels good to use fine motor. So the clumsy aspect of gross motor makes a lot of musicians and artists very, very angry. Cognitive dissonance. One feels good, because they're practiced in it, the other feels bad because it's underdeveloped. Just needs practice. Like scales or sketching. The good feeling comes in time.

Start slow. When I enlisted I was all mentally prepared to be beat up from the street up... And was shocked to find that our first 2 weeks of exercise? Were nothing more than walking and sitting up straight. Our first "real" physical training day? 5 jumping jacks. 5? bend over and touch your toes. 5 sit-ups. 5 push-ups. 2 minutes of running. Slow. (What the hell is this? I thought we were supposed to be puking?). Day 2? 7. Day 3? 10. Over three months each day built up in tiny increments until we were doing counts of 50 to 150, off and on throughout the day. Running 5k every morning. Carrying 80lbs over 50 miles in a weekend. But that's not where we started. We started with 5 jumping jacks.

 

[Fadeaway]

I agree, the pain from lactic acid is great when you need to self harm. The problem is it is rarely convenient. I end to to want to self ham the most between the hours of 12am and 3 am. If I could sleep before that I would but I can't. So I have to be quiet due to neighbors who keep complaining , and I am too afraid to go out.

 

[rightkindofme]

I ran a marathon, looking for that feeling people claim I can get if I am extreme enough. Never felt it.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@rightkindofme

For me exercise also doesn't quite work as a substitute, I mean, in the process of tries I got really strong, but I still rip my face, chest and back... But hey, I can carry nearly 100 kg, and I lost 13 kg...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe you're doing the wrong kind of exercise?

 

[joeylittle]

I don't think that the thing you mentioned at the end would work, I don't harm my hands, I got wounds all over my face, chest and back, but not on hands... Also, I don't cut and stuff, nothing so tidy and clean, I do it in a really brutal, almost gore way, literarly ripping through skin

Something that helps me: I take a ball-point pen and just scratch holes, gashes, whatever into a notebook. Same kind of intensity as picking, but without actually picking.
It's a really tough thing to deal with, no doubt. I've mostly conquered my skin-picking, but it was really bad for me especially through my teens and twenties. You might find this article interesting; it's possible that it describes your form of self-injury with even more accuracy: skin-picking
It's really great that you are both aware of the behavior and starting to challenge it.

 

[m21]

@Link Removed

Sorry to hear you are struggling with self harm. I knew of someone that was dealing with this sometime ago. Although it was difficult for me to understand why they did this, after doing some research I got a better sense of some of why some do this. I recently read a good online article on this that I will share with you via mailbox. Hope it helps.