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I'm not married to my vet either, just a couple of years of a lovely-confusing-sad on-and-off relationship, but please count me in. And he's been long out of the military, but definitely carries it with him. Thank you so much for starting this! Hugs to all you lovely and brave supporters/partners/carers who accept and need them!
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- #15
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
No. He was an officer and a combat platoon leader, so he wasn't really buddies with the guys in his platoon. He used to talk to a few guys that he was in ROTC with for awhile, but they kind of dwindled away. I think it was because he got wounded, and it skeeved the other guys out. Neither of them were combat MOS, and didn't go to Iraq or Afghanistan. Maybe they felt guilty because they graduated together, got their commissions together, and did some schools together, but he went to Iraq and got shot and blown up, and they stayed stateside. ... I don't know. What I do know is he feels kind of left out.
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- #16
D
Deleted member 28812
@owl1982: That sounds like he is in a bad place :( Is he unable to work because of his PTSD? Maybe sports. Does he have hobbies?
Why didn't he expect to survive? I think you hinted it here and said it the other thread - or did I get you wrong? That sounds depressive.
@owl1982 and @deaj09 -hugs if you accept them.
Why didn't he expect to survive? I think you hinted it here and said it the other thread - or did I get you wrong? That sounds depressive.
@owl1982 and @deaj09 -hugs if you accept them.
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- #17
D
Deleted member 28812
We are so many aren't we?
I have got two questions for you, ladies. My guy struggles with crowds.
1) Do you know of any good, hands-on books?
2) A relative we are not too close with - actually a second degree cousin of mine - has invited us to her wedding which will take place in two months. Her soon to be husband happens to be a professional soldier. It's gonna be a big wedding as evidenced by the fact she invited her second degree cousin and her family. Last time we attened a wedding hubby made us late for the church service - I think on purpose and fled from the restaurant.
When she invited us six month ago my cousin asked if anybody had special needs - allergies and so on. My guy answered "no". He thinks he will be able to cope. In all honesty I doubt it.
Should I ask her to place him near the exit and nobody in his back and hope that since her fiance is a soldier she'll understand? Should I tell her we might leave very soon? I would ask her not to tell my husband in this case.
I have got two questions for you, ladies. My guy struggles with crowds.
1) Do you know of any good, hands-on books?
2) A relative we are not too close with - actually a second degree cousin of mine - has invited us to her wedding which will take place in two months. Her soon to be husband happens to be a professional soldier. It's gonna be a big wedding as evidenced by the fact she invited her second degree cousin and her family. Last time we attened a wedding hubby made us late for the church service - I think on purpose and fled from the restaurant.
When she invited us six month ago my cousin asked if anybody had special needs - allergies and so on. My guy answered "no". He thinks he will be able to cope. In all honesty I doubt it.
Should I ask her to place him near the exit and nobody in his back and hope that since her fiance is a soldier she'll understand? Should I tell her we might leave very soon? I would ask her not to tell my husband in this case.
He IS in a bad place and sinking fast. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it at this point until we've both reached a place where we might be able to let each other in again. It's sort of heartbreaking to know I have to let him crash, but it really is the only thing I can do for him right now.
He's got a fairly high percentage of disability for the PTSD and major psychosomatic issues, the only work he might want to do is not really a viable option right now (can't say more than that) and his hobbies aren't suitable for the season.
Why he didn't expect to survive? Easy. Because he wasn't supposed to. Of the unit he was deployed with, he's the last man standing, and he's been millimeters from death more times than I care to count, both during his deployments and after.
The whole thing's just...beyond complicated. :sorry:
I'll happily accept the hugs, though. :)
He's got a fairly high percentage of disability for the PTSD and major psychosomatic issues, the only work he might want to do is not really a viable option right now (can't say more than that) and his hobbies aren't suitable for the season.
Why he didn't expect to survive? Easy. Because he wasn't supposed to. Of the unit he was deployed with, he's the last man standing, and he's been millimeters from death more times than I care to count, both during his deployments and after.
The whole thing's just...beyond complicated. :sorry:
I'll happily accept the hugs, though. :)
cowgirl_1582
New Here
@Lemontree -- I agree with the idea of requesting seats at the farthest back table and close to an exit. I wouldn't explain any further than that. If she pushes, say you might be slightly late (or that you might have to leave early) and don't want to disturb the event. If she really pushes, I dunno...just keep saying that it is important. Personally, I don't think it's worth saying anything about the crowd or PTSD issue.
Awhile ago I was in a relationship with someone who hated going to gatherings and he either ducked out early or cancelled at the last minute (meaning I ducked out early or didn't go to things, since I was a stupid girl who did what my man wanted to do instead of what I wanted to do, but that's a different story). All I'm saying is that this is common in a lot of people, not just people with PTSD.
Knowing you prefer the back might make things easier for her, too, since she might not know exactly where to seat you (in front with family or farther back with acquaintances).
...We went to see American Sniper the other day. We went to a theater in an unpopulated nearby town and sat mid-theater close to the exit and away from people. It was a bit of a game we both played without even talking about it. If someone sat close, we'd look at each other and move to another row. We probably looked like a couple of crazies, but whatever. I said "This chair is broken!" loudly during one of the moves. Neither of us knew what kind of reaction he'd have. Thankfully, everything went smoothly and we talked about the movie at length afterwards. (Nightmares have started getting worse, though I expected that, and he's going camping this weekend to process stuff and be on his own for a few days.) Has anyone else seen the movie? How did the viewing experience go? Did it trigger anything?
Awhile ago I was in a relationship with someone who hated going to gatherings and he either ducked out early or cancelled at the last minute (meaning I ducked out early or didn't go to things, since I was a stupid girl who did what my man wanted to do instead of what I wanted to do, but that's a different story). All I'm saying is that this is common in a lot of people, not just people with PTSD.
Knowing you prefer the back might make things easier for her, too, since she might not know exactly where to seat you (in front with family or farther back with acquaintances).
...We went to see American Sniper the other day. We went to a theater in an unpopulated nearby town and sat mid-theater close to the exit and away from people. It was a bit of a game we both played without even talking about it. If someone sat close, we'd look at each other and move to another row. We probably looked like a couple of crazies, but whatever. I said "This chair is broken!" loudly during one of the moves. Neither of us knew what kind of reaction he'd have. Thankfully, everything went smoothly and we talked about the movie at length afterwards. (Nightmares have started getting worse, though I expected that, and he's going camping this weekend to process stuff and be on his own for a few days.) Has anyone else seen the movie? How did the viewing experience go? Did it trigger anything?
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- #20
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
No... we've been avoiding it like the plague. If we watch it, it will probably be at home alone when it comes out on Netflix.
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- #21
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
If they do a seating chart, it couldn't hurt to ask to be seated in the back. I'd ask the usher to seat you in the back of the church also. That way you can slip out if you need to. I'd also have a back up plan if he just can't do it... like going with a group of family. I usually give my vet an "out" in the form of a back up plan, just so he doesn't feel pressured to go, or bad if he can't make it.
Hi there,im new to this and im feeling quite low and confused lately. My partner has combat PTSD i have been with him nearly 12 months. He returned from his last deployment in late 2012. And i met him march 2014 I came into this knowing he had some sort of ptsd. As i could see the symptoms working in the field of mental health myself i could pick it up quite quickly. Ive never posted here before or been on a forum to help me.
My partner cannot be around crowds, likes to isolate himself, becomes very distant at times ( which causes me anxiety) and if i touch him he becomes so tense and jumpy as well as In bed. i sometimes have to ask for permission to just have a cuddle that can sometimes be even difficult to cope with and sometimes i walk on egg shells he trys so hard. he has told me recently that i should just walk away so it doesnt hurt me and he wants me to be happy. Yet he knows that his the one that makes me happy and i keep saying this to him that i want to be there to do all i can. (Also understanding its a battle he has to get through himself He has not voiced to me he loves me but his a more actions speak more than words kind of guy I know deep down he wants me in his life and that he does love me because everytime i say it he says "i know" but i can see so much pain in his eyes. I know previously he had a relationship during his last deployment which was about 12 months however half of that was him deployed in afgan. He mentioned that he had a girlfriend which she ended up getting so bad because of his ptsd that she nearly went to hospital. Im not sure why he has suddenly pulled away but could be the reason for previous issues ?etc.
Recently he told me the same situation "im hurting you i dont want to hurt you just walk away" yet he didnt voice to me he wanted me to leave etc. I just turned around and said that i want to be there for him and that i love him. He then voiced "well your going to do what you want anyway" (i can be stubborn) i noticed he was pulling away over the days after however still planning a few things but i was initiating the contact. We had a wedding over the weekend just gone and he was "not there in his head and kept saying he was in such a bad headspace etc" im not sure if his scared i will be brought down like what happened to the previous girlfiend. Im a strong person and independent.. on saturday i could notice he wasnt in the right headspace i turned to him and said that he should of told me he didnt want to come and that i would have understood but he said to me that "i kept a promise and was going to push through" i then said and put my foot down "im going to do something for you and give you space" i also said that i would not communicate with him so he has this time and we arranged to get in contact again in 8 days. I said i love you and that he needed this because i didnt want to lose him and he promised he would talk to me the following sunday. He then left the wedding and i recieved a text saying "im home safe try and have a good night"
Tell you what i know im doing this for him but its hard on me im worried he will take this time and when it comes to sunday he wont call me i have so much fear and not sure if this was the right thing for me to do we parted fine had a very tense kiss and hug but then he did message me when he got home. i think he really appreciated me saying that he needed space. and im trying to focus on myself this week and not let it get to me take some time fir myself. Do you think if i havent heard from him on sunday it would be okay for me to call as we both agreed on it. ??
My partner cannot be around crowds, likes to isolate himself, becomes very distant at times ( which causes me anxiety) and if i touch him he becomes so tense and jumpy as well as In bed. i sometimes have to ask for permission to just have a cuddle that can sometimes be even difficult to cope with and sometimes i walk on egg shells he trys so hard. he has told me recently that i should just walk away so it doesnt hurt me and he wants me to be happy. Yet he knows that his the one that makes me happy and i keep saying this to him that i want to be there to do all i can. (Also understanding its a battle he has to get through himself He has not voiced to me he loves me but his a more actions speak more than words kind of guy I know deep down he wants me in his life and that he does love me because everytime i say it he says "i know" but i can see so much pain in his eyes. I know previously he had a relationship during his last deployment which was about 12 months however half of that was him deployed in afgan. He mentioned that he had a girlfriend which she ended up getting so bad because of his ptsd that she nearly went to hospital. Im not sure why he has suddenly pulled away but could be the reason for previous issues ?etc.
Recently he told me the same situation "im hurting you i dont want to hurt you just walk away" yet he didnt voice to me he wanted me to leave etc. I just turned around and said that i want to be there for him and that i love him. He then voiced "well your going to do what you want anyway" (i can be stubborn) i noticed he was pulling away over the days after however still planning a few things but i was initiating the contact. We had a wedding over the weekend just gone and he was "not there in his head and kept saying he was in such a bad headspace etc" im not sure if his scared i will be brought down like what happened to the previous girlfiend. Im a strong person and independent.. on saturday i could notice he wasnt in the right headspace i turned to him and said that he should of told me he didnt want to come and that i would have understood but he said to me that "i kept a promise and was going to push through" i then said and put my foot down "im going to do something for you and give you space" i also said that i would not communicate with him so he has this time and we arranged to get in contact again in 8 days. I said i love you and that he needed this because i didnt want to lose him and he promised he would talk to me the following sunday. He then left the wedding and i recieved a text saying "im home safe try and have a good night"
Tell you what i know im doing this for him but its hard on me im worried he will take this time and when it comes to sunday he wont call me i have so much fear and not sure if this was the right thing for me to do we parted fine had a very tense kiss and hug but then he did message me when he got home. i think he really appreciated me saying that he needed space. and im trying to focus on myself this week and not let it get to me take some time fir myself. Do you think if i havent heard from him on sunday it would be okay for me to call as we both agreed on it. ??
- Post starter
- #23
D
Deleted member 28812
Thank you @cowgirl_1582 and @Sweetpea76 my Vet thinks he will be able to stay in the situation but truth to be told he is scared of things like this. Sometimes he can go there and enjoy himself and sometimes he just avoids it. In one case he claimed the wedding was another day and I believed him and we were a week late for the wedding. *lol*
When we married my husband had a thousand-yard-stare and acted odd, hardly spoke and gave grumpy answers that made no sense. Family members later told me "WTF? You are going to marry HIM?" and I had no idea what was wrong with him and we had an argument about "Why did you act that horrible at our wedding?". Only much later I realied that he must have felt scared out of his wits and protective of me and our unborn child and tried to keep it together.
We have not watched American Sniper. @Santa_Laurie from this forum has and I think it gave him a flashback. I haerd it had a scary "robot baby". Is that true?
I still am that stupid girl. There is a dance class by our church. I would love so much to attend. He just said "no" - I don't even know if this is PTSD? How do you think. It's not really the "crowds" things because it's just a few couples and most likely only couples we do know. Maybe he is afraid of the music. My husband doesn't hear well one one ear and that makes it difficult for him to find out where a sound comes from and that's why he does't like it when it's loud. If it is NOT a PTSD thing he should go with me but I don't know how to find out...
I am going to take a vacation from this boards for a week or so. I realized reading all those stories of rape drags me down.
When we married my husband had a thousand-yard-stare and acted odd, hardly spoke and gave grumpy answers that made no sense. Family members later told me "WTF? You are going to marry HIM?" and I had no idea what was wrong with him and we had an argument about "Why did you act that horrible at our wedding?". Only much later I realied that he must have felt scared out of his wits and protective of me and our unborn child and tried to keep it together.
We have not watched American Sniper. @Santa_Laurie from this forum has and I think it gave him a flashback. I haerd it had a scary "robot baby". Is that true?
I still am that stupid girl. There is a dance class by our church. I would love so much to attend. He just said "no" - I don't even know if this is PTSD? How do you think. It's not really the "crowds" things because it's just a few couples and most likely only couples we do know. Maybe he is afraid of the music. My husband doesn't hear well one one ear and that makes it difficult for him to find out where a sound comes from and that's why he does't like it when it's loud. If it is NOT a PTSD thing he should go with me but I don't know how to find out...
I am going to take a vacation from this boards for a week or so. I realized reading all those stories of rape drags me down.
- Post starter
- #24
D
Deleted member 28812
I would really love to go dancing again and I love the standard dances which they will teach. Sometimes I feel a bit "cheated" by life because I cannot do the typical "young people" stuff with him like going clubbing and this is pretty tame and if we don't even do that.... pretty depressing.
Of course I could do it with another partner but as a married women I just don't want to.
Of course I could do it with another partner but as a married women I just don't want to.
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