Simple Rant

[Crow]

During DBT group Saturday, a new member expressed frustration in her search for a good therapist. I offered to give her my T's number.the dbt therapist said "I think she's a little pricey" and went on with the group.

This has bugged me all night. She's not pricey. Her fees are competitive. She may not accept Insurance but even w out of network fees, I get 68% back from insurance when I file.

Not sure why this bothers me so. There was some sort of judgment attached to the comment. I really don't like my dbt therapist!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

It's none of your therapists' business if you want to give your T's address to someone else, imho. So I don't see why she interfered with a judgement, she shouldn't be standing in the way of possibilities for her own group.

Makes sense that you were frustrated about it. I would just exchange numbers of therapists and helpful things with the other member outside of session, if you can. Maybe you can also tell you T that it bothered you.

 

[scout86]

I really don't like my dbt therapist!

Did you not like the dbt therapist BEFORE they made this comment? Just curious. Maybe part of the reason you don't like them is this is a pattern? The comment seems unnecessary and a bit out of line to me too. No one asked for an opinion and everyone gets to decide for themselves what's "too pricey", IMO.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Not sure why the comment is such a big deal. She was just stating an opinion and you're letting it affect you.

 

[Ving12]

Hi, Being in a group is a risk that you might be hurt by someone"s comments.That is what is bothering you. Then we might blame ourselves about being in that situation when it is really the insensitivity of your group leader. You could bring it up in the group or try and let it go ? Or try to find another group. thanks hope this helps

 

[Crow]

The group therapist and I don't gell well but she knows dbt and my life has significantly improved since starting the group. That this is a finite commitment helps and the fact that I don't like her actually adds to the implementation of the skills I'm learning. It sounds f'd up but makes sense in a weird way. I've talked to T about how triggering the group therapist is and I've gone from wanting to self harm to realizing I don't like her and I try to no longer take her snide, rude comments personally. I get protective of other members some times and definitely got offended 'for' my T at last week's comment.

I almost mentioned the comment to T yesterday but decided against it. I've a tendency to triangulate and figured their professional relationship is none of my business. Plus I gave her info to the other group member and have little doubt she'll tell T what the group leader said.

Eight more months!

 

[StellaBlue]

If your DBT leader is practicing "true" DBT, you should be able to discuss this with her in a reasonable way (it's a potential rupture and could lead to "therapy interfering behavior" (ha!)). If you've done your Interpersonal module, you could probably try a DEAR MAN with her...although it sounds like the most recent comment is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have had a similar experience with DBT - I don't "not get along" with the leaders (and they are very very skillful), but the DBT folks in my area are all connected (I call them the DBT Cabal) and I've had some issues with a couple of the others. However, I believe the skills I've learned in DBT have saved my life. That said, I'm down to one Mindfulness module, then a last Emotional Regulation module...and I am OUT OF THERE!

 

[Crow]

Go StellaBlue! Congratulations on your <almost> completion!

Sounds like you understand where I'm at. I talked to my T about talking to the group leader a month or so ago. I decided against it....I don't feel it would prove advantageous. I'm in a weirdly loose group so I'm gonna go through the skills twice. When I came in, they were on the emotional regulation module. Almost back there.

Thanks for understanding!

 

[StellaBlue]

My group goes through the skills twice (with the Mindfulness module repeated after each of the other three). I think this is the way Linehan developed it. My group leaders, however, take their sweet time on each of the modules, so I'll have been in group for about 2 years (although I did take a 2-month "break" last year) when I finally finish up. Unfortunately, we've started using the new materials and there's a lot of new stuff in there...so, I'm contemplating doing one more round (or not). I'm kind of burned out on therapy right now...but I recognize how helpful it's been, so I'm sticking with it.

Is your therapist a DBT therapist? I found that the Cabal here didn't approve of "non-DBT" therapists and they exerted some pressure to get me to leave my therapist (even though he was the one who encouraged me to do DBT).

 

[joeylittle]

Is your therapist a DBT therapist? I found that the Cabal here didn't approve of "non-DBT" therapists and they exerted some pressure to get me to leave my therapist

Anyone who trained with Linehan agrees to never ever use anything other than the Linehan protocols. So there are people who are certified in Linehan DBT and in just DBT. Personally, I think the Linehan stuff benefits from a bit of tweaking, when the therapist is good at the concepts and knows their group/client. (and I use DBT a lot).

 

[StellaBlue]

@joeylittle - my group leaders have trained with Linehan and are now trainers themselves. They are really very good. It makes me sad when I hear people talk about bad experiences with DBT and then find out what they were getting was "DBT-like" therapy.

The counselor I had when I started my DBT skills group was not DBT trained, but agreed to do some training, participate in a consult group and also see a DBT consultant as well. It was very generous of him and I truly appreciate that he did it. Eventually, because DBT resonated so much with me, I decided I wanted to have a full-on DBT therapist. Unfortunately, that didn't end well...but that's another story.

I agree that it's not perfect ("needs some tweaking") and, quite honestly, the new material is "too much" stuff. I heard that Linehan wanted to give folks a lot of choices, but, to me, it would be very overwhelming to see it all - especially in the beginning. I do think a skillful trainer could cull it down to the most important things.

Since I've totally hijacked this - I'll add that, if you want to have some fun with a trainer (and it only works with those who are of a certain age and get the reference), when they mention Linehan, say "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" in your best Jan Brady voice.

 

[Crow]

Is your therapist a DBT therapist? I found that the Cabal here didn't approve of "non-DBT" therapists and they exerted some pressure to get me to leave my therapist (even though he was the one who encouraged me to do DBT).

My primary therapist is a Jungian psychiatrist who no longer doles out meds but does mind/body ie emdr, brainspotting, and other things I don't know the terms for. I've benefited greatly from her transition.

But I think you just answered my unasked question. T is not dbt trained and is surprised when I tell her what we're doing in individual therapy is dbt skillset. I bet that's the main reason the group therapist dissuaded the woman from contacting my T. Makes perfect sense. It was nothing personal - just professional philosophical differences in treatment.

Thank you @StellaBlue!