I Need Support

[falling_wave]

I need support right now. I've been having a really tough couple of days and I am having trouble pulling out of it which is scaring me. On Thursday I took the day off work because I have been having a lot of pain in my stomach, faint spells, and being so tired I am not effective in work or school regardless of how hard I try. I slept late and when that didn't make me feel better I went to urgent care to have it checked out. It was a really long wait several hours so I was kind of anxious about not turning in homework on time but the doc was really great and understanding and put fluid in an iv and ran blood and urine tests which indicated I needed a cat scan at the er because they thought it was my appendics and I needed surgery. They brought me over there where I waited in the er for 4 hours. My anxiety kept going up about homework because I will fail the class if I get lower than a b and it's 10% off everyday, watching people around me who looked worse than me, and about what was going to happen. I was texting with my roommate who seemed really supportive and kept texting for updates since I told her the doc told me i might need surgery. Anyways I FINALLY got into a bed in the hallway and it took them hours to anything. They were very nice but it was drawn out more than I've ever seem before and I was laying there miserable going from freezing chills to sweating. They did a cat scan with contrast, a regular and internal ultrasound. I denied pain meds so I would be treated better. They found out it was not my appendics but found a cyst on my ovaries. I'm not sure if it was that or something they randomly found from the tests. I got home at 3 am and I told my roommates it was that and I would be ok. They were glad but accused me of causing them a lot of unneeded worry and her husband told me I was faking and if I needed attention they were there for me. my roommate invited me to a game that night but said if I was hospitalized I should probably stay and sleep. I tried to work but came home early hoping I could go with them and distract myself. They left without even telling me so I didn't go. The thing is I was miserable but I went to urgent care and they sent me to the hospital. I didn't start there and I just told her what the docs told me. I really needed her to understand that. Now she leaves me at home and pretty much avoids me because "I should be resting". Maybe that's what normal people would do but I need her more now than ever. I kept feeling faint and a strong tingling in my face even when I didn't feel upset. It made me anxious and I had a huge panic attack unlike any other and I was so sad I could barely tolerate it. I took 2 xanax and feel asleep and this morning I still woke up with anxiety feeling like I'm going to cry And I saw she already left so all I want to do is keep taking xanax and isolate in my room. I have no plans for the weekend and just need a hug and someone to tell me I'll be ok. When I'm sick I'm always supposed to be alone and rest but I just can't do that and be ok. Does that happen to anyone else?

 

[falling_wave]

Another thing that normally wouldn't even bother me but is now is that my T takes a very low payment from me and has for a long time despite being a really good licensed private practice therapist. My eap has helped for a couple sessions per year since my insurance doesn't cover going to her. I had a session the day before all of this and it was a good one. I was feeling better, hopeful and off my meds. She encouraged me to experience those feelings and not think or analyze things in the past just sort of to let them go as much as I can because my nervous system needed a break. Then she called me the next day asking if I would call and get those eap sessions since it was a new year. I will totally do it and want her to get paid in full but it kind of felt like she wanted me to drop the stuff in the past so I could hurry up and finish therapy and that she needed payment because she's tired of helping me. I know I'm being totally unreasonable and would never say this except for anonymously but I think its adding to my anxiety somewhat.

 

[The Albatross]

... all I want to do is keep taking xanax and isolate in my room. I have no plans for the weekend and just need a hug and someone to tell me I'll be ok. When I'm sick I'm always supposed to be alone and rest but I just can't do that and be ok. Does that happen to anyone else?

For starters I'd take a hard look at the paradox in your last few lines.

 

[The Albatross]

... she called me the next day asking if I would call and get those eap sessions since it was a new year. I will totally do it and want her to get paid in full but it kind of felt like she wanted me to drop the stuff in the past so I could hurry up and finish therapy and that she needed payment because she's tired of helping me. I know I'm being totally unreasonable and would never say this except for anonymously but I think its adding to my anxiety somewhat.

Yup, Your perceptions are getting in your way. New calendar year, she asks you to file. That's all there is to it.

 

[The Albatross]

I think I would address though being accused of faking when testing did reveal a cyst on your ovaries.

 

[joeylittle]

They were glad but accused me of causing them a lot of unneeded worry and her husband told me I was faking and if I needed attention they were there for me. my roommate invited me to a game that night but said if I was hospitalized I should probably stay and sleep.

Can you remember the words that were actually used?

I'm not saying you are lying - not at all - but this strikes me as possibly being influenced by how you heard what they said, not necessarily what they actually said. It's hard to do, especially when we are stressed, but you need to make sure you listen to what is being said, and not what you think is being said, if that makes sense.

 

[falling_wave]

For starters I'd take a hard look at the paradox in your last few lines.

I do see it but the thing is she left. There is nothing I can do about. If she was here I wouldn't be in my room. I also don't want her to see the extent I'm struggling because I'm afraid she would withdraw more if she knew.

 

[falling_wave]

Can you remember the words that were actually used?

She said wow, you are looking as good as new. I thought you would be all tired and worn out. I know I am after all that. I could sleep worrying about you and your surgery. The she asked me how her outfit looked and she wanted to wear it to the game. She said you should come with us tonight but if you are needed to be hospitalized you should probably stay home and rest.

Then her husband heard me and said you are such a faker. If you need attention just ask us and we are here for you.

They weren't being mean in their tone but despite their tone I heard what they said and that they left without even telling me tonight despite inviting me this morning.

 

[Nam]

Being called a faker in any tone is fairly insulting. I'm really trying to say it in a loving tone and it's not working. (I do say it to my youngest when I get her out of the van. She likes it when I carry her in the house. There's a higher chance of that if she's sleeping. It's so cute to see her pretend to sleep. Sometimes I say, "You little faker." And tickle her some and then proceed to cuddle and carry her in the house. But to another adult who is ill and has been diagnosed with the cause of the pain? Really?

I'm sorry for all that you went through. I have many stories of sitting in an ER for four hours in the waiting room. You'd think they would get faster with time.

I hope you get your pain under control and take care.

 

[Alejandro Berry]

Hey cyst in ovaries can be cured. You should not worry at all and take proper treatment and you will be fine