All Over The Place.

[Upside Down Eagle]

This message is going to be all over the place so I hope you'll bear with me.
I'll be grateful to anyone who reads, and to any bits of insight given to me by you guys.

You may or may not have noticed yesterday that I was pretty upset. I was fuming over some guy that thought it funny to send me non-stop funny images per social media. I told him to cut it out, but he continued. I repeated it, but he continued -ending with me spiraling into a massive anxiety attack.

The guy hasn't apologized for what he did (he thinks it's normal) but he says he feels bad that he made me anxious. So that is something. Better than nothing. But here is the other deal I am trying to wrap my head around: when people cross my boundaries like happened yesterday, I get very strange symptoms that so far my doctors have labeled "flashbacks", but they're not flashbacks.

When people cross my boundaries, I feel like I "adopt" a part of them. They get into my brain, and it's like they're really there, like I'm being possessed by them. This happened to me before -during my major breakdown of a year ago, I feel like my dad was possessing me. Somebody on the forum mentioned DID to me and I could recognize some of the patterns (but don't worry, I haven't self diagnosed with anything).

It creeps the (effing) (heck) out of me. When this happens, I can't shower because "they're there", (the persona of the person who crossed my boundaries) and I can't sleep because "they're there", can't eat, and so on and so on, because I feel like "their" persona is constantly with me and won't leave me alone.

I don't know what to make of this. I was wondering if anybody has ideas.
I am not in therapy right now because I had some really messed up experiences with therapists last year and I am avoiding them at the moment.

 

[darrenS]

im sorry your going through this Radise, i strongly suggest you return to therapy , this is a problem that requires professional guidance and support

 

[theotherside]

I have not felt quite like that..that must be so hard for you.

When my boundries are crossed ( mostly by persistent people that dont take no for an answer) i develop a fear of that person. So bad that everyday for months i will worry about that person coming over, calling or running into that person. I dont feel they are with me but i cant get over the phobia of them.

I dont think that will help you but maybe feel better knowing i can kind of relate.

The persistant person comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@darrenS fortunately yesterday the feeling of being possessed only lasted until I went to sleep. I had some "flashes" of it today but they only lasted a couple of seconds.

I somehow managed to shake it off yesterday by reclaiming my space, trying to remember who I am. A year ago I had it much worse, in fact the persona of my dad inside my head was telling me to kill myself at one point... and I did talk about this with shrinks back then, but they were no help, they just gave me pills that solved nothing. They told me that they were "flashbacks", but I can tell flashbacks from this feeling.

The persistent person comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages...

Yeah, persistent would be a good word for it. That's how it feels as well. Like they are so persistent that they can even cross my skin and end up inside my head and my sense of identity.

 

[theotherside]

I also forgot to say that the person can
be a million miles away or live right next door. They can cross my boundries by not taking no for an anwer..or by just being too persistent and in my personal space too much. It can be someone i know or a stranger..its terrorizing for me...

 

[Kintsugi]

I think I do understand this feeling, but I don't think of it as DID, nor would I say I feel possessed. I think of it as delusional, or paranoia. I feel watched, not inhabited. I feel like somehow, this person knows everything I do, is watching everything, and sometimes, I feel they know my thoughts. I don't think this, I feel it. I know it's impossible.

However, perhaps it is really different, because I actually feel this way about anyone who reaches an emotional high in my life, especially a novel person.

And, thinking that side of it over, perhaps I need to assess if this is related to my DID. :shifty:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@Simply Simon I browsed on a couple of websites, and I know that websites aren't qualified doctors (haha).

Mayoclinic had a very accurate description of what is happening to me: "You may feel the presence of one or more other people talking or living inside your head, and you may feel as though you're possessed by other identities. Each of these identities may have a unique name, personal history and characteristics, including obvious differences in voice, gender, mannerisms and even such physical qualities as the need for eyeglasses."

Yeah I have thought of it as "delusional" too.
I know I should speak to a doc if I want an actual diagnosis, but man, I really dislike them :P

 

[Yvy]

That must feel awful for you! I hope you can figure out how to stop this and feel better! I've never heard of this. When I put up my boundaries I usually feel like I'm stupid or a nag or that the other person won't like me anymore. Sometimes I take over someone else's feelings in some way and then I don't seem to know what my own feelings are anymore. Does that sounds familiar in a way? Or you have it especially in your head? I hope you'll go to a doctor and that you can get the right support/ help for this!!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Sometimes I take over someone else's feelings in some way and then I don't seem to know what my own feelings are anymore. Does that sounds familiar in a way?

Yeah it sounds somewhat familiar, in the sense of (for example) I took on my parents' hatred for me. So sometimes I will take over people's emotions (only if they cross my boundaries) and I don't know what my own feelings are anymore, but I also sort of forget who I am, or what my identity is. It gets crowded by the identity of the other person.

I'll look into finding a doc who handles clients in their own self-managed office (but who have a good rep). All my bad experiences are with docs that are members of overlapping mental health institution. They always work in the same tasteless cubicles (you can recognize them by those) xD