Can't Speak Up!?

[PlainJane]

I so very badly want to participate and be supportive to the people on this site. This site has been an incredible source of comfort to me and I want to give back to those that are also hurting. Seeing people go through the same things and providing encouragement to one another. You've given ME support and encouragement. I just cannot seem to type on others threads to offer it back.

I know that's terrible and selfish. I have tried, I have sat down and prepared a message only to delete and decide against posting. I don't really have much to offer, sounds whiny but I'm serious. What could I possibly say to you to comfort you that someone more important to you hasn't already said? I think that's honest. I also have this issue on a regular basis, with people face to face.

Anybody else have this issue? Criticism is encouraged. I don't want anybody to tell me I'm not being selfish and "it's ok you'll post when you get comfortable." That's not going to cut it. But then I don't know what is. I hope someone can comprehend what I just wrote. I know this is a silly and an irrational thread that doesn't deserve the attention. I just don't know how else to get where I need to be.


P.S. I also want to apologize for not offering my support to the many threads that really needed the deserved attention. :(

 

[TXbandit]

I feel and am the same way @Jane1991 @darrenS and I were discussing this very same thing in chat earlier. You are not alone in feeling this way. I too have trouble with this.

I know I posted a thread this morning but I really needed to get it out.

 

[Nam]

Oh Jane, this has nothing to do with lack of support from you. In fact, I've seen posts from you and they are fine! What I do want you to do is think about why you feel this way. Why isn't your voice as important as anyone else? Why do you put yourself down: "silly and an irrational thread that doesn't deserve the attention." We all need attention.

Did someone hit a nerve? Do you feel this way a lot or is it just here?

And I wouldn't worry about repetitions. We all need things repeated, or said just a little bit differently.

And...you might not be ready to give advice back yet. I know that when I'm really symptomatic, I can't write at all. My words get all jumbled up and nothing flows into a sentence. No one is keeping score. We help each other. We are all in different phases of healing, those who can, will help. You will find the day when you can help someone.

 

[mrsps]

I have this same problem as well and I sometimes type a message then delete it. I am not very good with words or explaining what I mean. There are some amazing people of here who give such amazing support and advise. I am very thankful to these people but like you wish I could support others like they have me.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Jane1991 you have shown me personally a lot of support simply by your kind words in chat these last few weeks.

I give you a Huge UK :hug: for that alone

Laurie

 

[ms spock]

Can you go to the Member's Page and look down the right hand side and click on the New Members Profiles and post a "Welcome to the Forum!" or Greetings <insert new person's name here>? That may be a way of contributing that might not be so hard for you?

 

[shimmerz]

I can't go near chat for some reason, funny isn't it how that works? I have tried a few times but just feel miserably pathetic at it. I can relate entirely, just on a different platform. I have felt your presence Jane and it is warm and kind. :hug:

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I admire your openness about wanting to post, but not knowing what to post. I think that happens more than you know. Some stories...there IS nothing that you can say that will help.

As a mother who had a child with severe brain damage, and who passed away 20 years ago, a lot of people trying to help, accidentally said things that were NOT good, but I forgave them because I knew they were trying.

What I learned, is that sometimes the MOST comforting words are: "I'm sorry for your loss, or (pain, trauma,) and know there aren't any words that can truly help. Please know that your story has touched my heart, and I hope (or pray) that you will find help, or have support along the way."

Those words are an example, I think, of communicating your compassion, and that you 'hear' their pain, but you aren't offering 'empty' words. Sometimes we just need someone to 'hear' us, and respond with a few words of kindness. That's what I try to do!

You are welcome here, and don't have to offer any words. But, just acknowledging someone's pain and wanting to comfort them is valuable!

 

[Friday]

Ever heard a chorus?

One of my favorite songs is "Oh silver bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away". It starts off with this tinkling, tiny, pure note... And from that note swells into a crushing and uplifting crescendo of voices huge and small. Washes over you, only to drift away again to those individual tiny, pure, notes.

Or there are the 'Random Acts of Culture', like Philadelphia's Opera Company doing Hallelejuah at Macy's.

Or, or, or... A 1000 times over. The soloist is only one member of the chorus, and not only are they the least important, but the person who fulfills that role changes all the time. :) Every soloist is also a member of the choir.

Not saying you have to be a member of the chorus, nor a solo dissenting voice (the soloist always dissents from the chorus, that's how we hear them, because they're different). Not everybody sings. And that's okay. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone talking & posting on here is participating. And the lurkers? Those never posting? While the singers get something out of singing, so too, the audience from listening.

Some people post.
Some people answer.
Some people chat.
Some people read.

We're all here... Fulfilling a role of our choosing. & We're all welcome to any role at any time. Choose your role as it suits you.

 

[sun seeker]

What could I possibly say to you to comfort you that someone more important to you hasn't already said?

Well... if we all assumed others were more important than us and only those others should have a chance, we'd all stand back waiting for someone else to do something first and no one would do anything.

Everyone has something different to offer, and everyone's contribution has value. You are worthwhile just by being who you are.

You've been here such a short time. Please be patient with yourself.

 

[ms spock]

I can't go near chat for some reason,

Chat is not always a good place to be, sometimes it gets taken over in entirely unhealthy ways. At those times self preservation and keeping your sanity would mean keeping away from chat. Sometimes we have resistance, avoidance and aversion, sometimes it is a healthy boundaries keeping us away from potential danger.

 

[still_i_rise]

Sometimes the most important thing is to be there just to listen/read what others are sharing.