Sufferer My Trigger Is Nudity - How Will I Survive In Today's World?!

[Breezy816]

Hello,

I am reaching out to try and find a way to cope with my trigger. I was sexually abused by my brother when I was very young and in suffering from PTSD, any sort of nudity sends me into a sever panic-anxiety attack. This is really affecting my life, especially in relationships. Last night my boyfriend was watching House of Cards and a nude scene came on. I of course experienced the intense flooding of emotion that is followed by anger towards him. I suppose it is because he made me feel that way, and I can't stand the thought of him looking at naked women. Is it a defense mechanism? Am I afraid nudity triggers a monster that could hurt me? I don't know how to live in this world that is becoming more and more desensitized to nudity and it shows up when I don't solicit it and have no way of avoiding this. HELP!

 

[Changing4Best]

First off, a boyfriend you live with has no business looking at naked women. He's supposed to only be looking at you (or have eyes only for you). He is cheating on you if he is looking at other naked women, period.

Secondly, if something upsets you that your boyfriend does, you have every right to voice your opinion and also to go in there and turn off that TV! Tell him if he wants to look at naked women, you want nothing to do with him. Walk out of his life, seriously, he has no business looking at pornography, especially in front of you!

Does getting undressed to be seen by a Dr. upset you? It does me, when I am seeing a male Dr. Women Drs. don't upset me though. I was the victim of sexual abuse during childhood too. So I understand.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

uhm @SheilaKathy,

House of Cards is a TV show and in no way, shape or form a method of "cheating"... Your reaction is quite heavy handed and it disturbs me. Dumping a guy because he watches TV shows that have nudity in them....that's a bit out there considering how many shows have nudity! Naked and Afraid? Dating Naked? Those are just two reality shows. What about all the other TV shows and movies that have nudity? House of Cards is not pornography...



OP, you're going to need to get into treatment in order to deal with your triggers. Its not a matter of becoming desensitized to them. You need to process the underlying trauma or else these triggers will haunt you for life. I wish you the best.

 

[digger]

I suppose it is because he made me feel that way

Do you mean your boyfriend made you feel that way, or your brother and the abuse he inflicted on you?
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend was intentionally seeking out images of nudity to trigger you, but that a scene of nudity happened to come up in a non-pornographic show he was watching, is that right?

Is your boyfriend aware of the trigger? How did he react to you being upset by it? If you haven't already, then sit down and explain it to him maybe so he can be aware of it in future. And consider therapy, if you aren't already, to help you find ways to manage your triggers better.

 

[Breezy816]

Hi Digger,

I certainly don't believe he intentionally triggered me. This just seems to be one of the emotions I feel as part of my "attack" that comes over me. But, there are many times where nudity can arise with him that he didn't choose. He is aware of my problem, but explaining the feelings you feel to someone that has never experienced the feeling makes it difficult for them to relate or even comprehend. Until today, I have never seen that someone else in this world has the same trigger, so it just sounds crazy and made-up. I feel like it almost comes off as controlling or jealous when I express hatred of seeing naked women pop-up. This is an issue in every relationship I've ever had, because it is unavoidable in today's world, so I can't expect my partner to go out of their way to avoid the situation from occurring. But like most have posted, it is an excruciating feeling, and I would give anything to not experience it, but don't see how that is ever possible.

 

[Breezy816]

Also, I am currently in counseling. My counselor diagnosed me with PTSD, but has never known someone with my trigger. So, he has suggested "flooding" to basically attempt to desensitize me. The thought of sitting down watching porn all day with my bf is absolutely unbearable. But, maybe I just have to try.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Solara I stand by what I said. I don't believe anyone should watch that kind of stuff. That is my opinion and I stand by it. Watching those kinds of things on TV can only lead to trouble. It did in my marriage.

 

[digger]

If that's the best your counsellor can come up with, I think I'd look for a new one! Suggesting to a sexual abuse victim that they watch porn all day, when they're clearly uncomfortable with it, doesn't sound too ethical to me. Do you have any other triggers that you've been able to work on with any success?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@SheilaKathy

You might as well have told the OP to throw her TV away. Well, essentially that IS what you told her. So no shows that may have a bedroom scene. No shows that show skin? The OP will be watching Sesame Street and that lame-o Duggar show. Everything else? Possible incidental nudity. So you'd even say that an educational TV show about peoples of Africa (where nudity is natural and they don't have sexual hang ups like western culture) would be out of the question? Your own personal hang ups are definitely coming through here. Nudity is not sexual in and of itself, and if you can't find beauty in the human form, even if the nudity isn't sexual, I really do feel bad for you.

I agree with @digger. Time for a new therapist. Nudity triggers aren't uncommon for a sexual abuse survivor. I'd say many of us have them! I think you need to find a trauma therapist. (If this guy is a trauma therapist, he needs to have his license revoked. Flooding yourself with sexual images AT HOME is not therapy or even ethical treatment!)

Exposure therapy IS valid, but flooding is NEVER a good idea. Most therapists do everything in their power to prevent flooding as it can indeed make things worse. Most therapists will stop therapy if flooding is an issue.

Please do not expose yourself to such images like this.

Essentially what your therapist is telling you is this. It hurts to walk on your leg because it is broken. Keep walking on it because over time, the pain will go away as you become desensitized to it. Let's ignore the fact that the leg is indeed broken and that is the source of your pain! Yeah----it doesn't work like this. You've gotta get to the root of the issue, the abuse, in order to lessen that trigger. Flooding your system with nudity isn't going to make you any better.

 

[Breezy816]

Thanks for your reply! The problem I also run into with "getting to the root of the issue" is not remembering everything. I was so young and have a feeling I don't remember all that happened. So how have you managed to work on the abuse? I've accepted it, even had a relationship with my brother most of my life. I feel like I'm over it, but left with this problem that seems to come uncontrollably.

 

[ghotiff]

You don't have to remember everything to be able to process it.

The first step is to find a really good therapist and stabilize and build trust. I worry from what you have said in this thread that your current therapist is not the right one for you.

 

[The Albatross]

Straight away you don't need to watch porn all day to desensitize your trigger. It has pitfalls.