Finally Forgetting And Then...boredom?

[Dana1010]

If I keep up with my mindfulness practice very diligently, I can achieve moments where I am finally rid of thoughts of a certain person from my past I've become obsessed with since PTSD hit. And while it is less painful, and I enjoy greater clarity, it also feels like a coma compared to the level of arousal I'm used to. I then find myself sliding back to the thoughts of this person, reimaginings of the trauma, revenge and redemption fantasies, and I wonder, do I backslide purposely because I'm accustomed to the stimulation? I've heard theories about the addictive potential of negative and obsessive thinking. Does anyone else think they might be addicted to ruminating on people who traumatized you? Do you have any ideas on how to get through the boredom that comes when you give it up, staying the course, and not backsliding?

 

[shimmerz]

I used H'oponopono to replace the thoughts. Not everyone is drawn to that but I think the idea is to replace one 'negative' stream of thought with another, more positive and inspiring one. And yes, it gets awfully damn quiet in there.

 

[GWhizz]

I use mindfulness to try to help me to enjoy my present and avoid focusing on the past. I don't actually get bored with it as it helps me appreciate what I'm living now. That, and my life is very busy in general.

But I find the past comes up itself when triggers are encountered and reminders, no matter how present I try to be - all part of ptsd I think.

The point about addiction to negative thinking and ruminating is very interesting. I think some people may be more prone to it as it can be a learned lifestyle. But I also think that very same theory completely undermines ptsd as a condition that can be uncontrollable and unmanageable until specific coping strategies have been learned and practiced to adapt responses to our emotional reactions. You need to 1st meet right brained emotional flooding with a right brained response. Otherwise logic will be rejected as we can't integrate it without emotional stabilization.

In saying all of that, I think it's the unconscious mind that we need to look at more - what happens to it when we do get bored, daydream, zone out, dissociate, fall asleep or dream? Mindfulness is great in the present when the mind is actively alert - afterall you must be fully awake and present to practice it. I know there are go-to breathing and grounding techniques to settle us in crisis. But I just think the mind is so much bigger than that, as it takes different states of consciousness.

By the way, I am a huge advocate for mindfulness. I just think it has it's place and limits.

 

[Born to Run]

Whenever I ruminate on people who have hurt me, it is a signal to me that I am not done with that person or that emotion. To me it is a reminder that there still is work in that area. I do not see it as an addiction. Sliding back and forth in and out of traumatic patterns is part of healing of trauma, as your brain needs to adapt to the new neural networks, which are created while you change. Your brain can not switch out of a traumatic pattern all at once, but needs some time to recalibrate itself. Give yourself that time, and accept the backsliding, it is normal.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm not sure this is exactly the same thing you are talking about, but I've wondered sometimes about adrenaline addiction when I get uncomfortable with things being too peaceful for longer than I'm used to. We can get used to the highs and lows and seek them out just out of habit. There are two places my train of thought goes with this. One is the need for good, safe highs to replace the bad ones. A friend mentioned jumping on a trampoline as one idea. The other, and I suspect more important, is to learn to tolerate calm. It's surprisingly difficult. I think you have to increase your tolerance a little at a time, but I'd be interested in what others have to say about this.

 

[The Albatross]

Yeah, I can relate to the opening post a lot. I turned it away from the propensity toward introspection and started doing goal challenges.

 

[Go Hungry]

I've heard theories about the addictive potential of negative and obsessive thinking. Does anyone else think they might be addicted to ruminating on people who traumatized you? Do you have any ideas on how to get through the boredom that comes when you give it up, staying the course, and not backsliding?

Actually, there is a lot of validity to that story. Sadness and rumination can set off certain chemical responses in the brain, releasing endorphins in response to the painful feelings. I have to be careful when I listen to certain music, mainly The Cure, because it sets off such reverie that I can get lost in those feelings. Gods, the beauty... Crap, I can feel it happening now. Must... resist... melancholy... splendour! :eek::eek::eek:

So there are some parts of my memories that I have to be very careful with, because they bring me a sort of miserable pleasure. I know it sounds bizarre, but it does happen.

I have very little experience with mindfulness and meditation. I'm trying to look into it. But I have the same troubles, my mind just wanders too much.

 

[shimmerz]

But I have the same troubles, my mind just wanders too much.

I had to actually be careful of meditation. It took me two years before I could safely meditate. It wasn't a good place for me to be until I learned some tools to restore my balance. Altered states took me over when I attempted to do so. I had to figure out how to identify the states first. Don't rush it (although therapists may ask you to) if it doesn't feel right, imho.

 

[Dana1010]

Yeah, I can relate to the opening post a lot. I turned it away from the propensity toward introspection and started doing goal challenges.

So you mean you experienced the boredom and kept from backsliding by avoiding behaviors conducive to introspection? What kinds of behaviors/activities led to introspection? Can you give more detail about how you avoided it?

 

[The Albatross]

At first it was stuff like write a healing intention, then do three self nurturing things, one for body, one for mind, one for spirit (or inspirational reading). Then it was 7 day challenges, 2 week challengs, 30 day/90 day... 6 months and one year... I just kept chipping away at it and sure enough the introspection changed into being self directed/goal focused. It was a process that took me quite a while, but it has paid off. I didn't finish every challenge... some I did after restarting, some I never did. I'd just pick another one. I also used a self care check list and marked my days on my calendar to see any cycles or change. Plus for an ok or good day, zero for neutral and minus for bad/symtpmatic/anxious fearful. I didn't really 'avoid" behaviors... I became focused on doing things.

 

[Dana1010]

I didn't really 'avoid" behaviors... I became focused on doing things.

If only it were that easy for me. Doing things can actually worsen the sense of being watched and under threat. I guess it's because noticing is the only thing that works to quiet the voices, and it's very hard to notice and be mindful when you are already busy with a some other mental task.

 

[The Albatross]

It was not easy, it was uncomfortable/stressful/anxiety producing. But it did become a habit and normalize. Finding the off switch, learning how to redirect with the voices and taking control of the internal dialogue is another matter. It can and does normalize though with repetition.